Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Split Decision

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, trump, clinton, debate, o'keefe, expose, dnc, corruption, rigged
Granted, this isn't the most subtle cartoon we've ever run, but there's very little room left for subtlety in this election cycle. And despite the accuracy of the sentiment expressed, we almost certainly will be watching tonight's final debate between the most criminal candidate ever to run for president and her loony duck-lipped opponent (and yes, we're going to vote for him and then flagellate ourselves with a cat o' nine tails as penance).

This will, in fact, quite likely be our final televised presidential debate too, as we can't currently imagine the process of selecting candidates or voting in presidential races to have any real meaning in the future.

Still, we'll be watching tonight because we've always enjoyed theater (particularly of the Grand Guignol variety) and we think there's a real opportunity for fireworks tonight. And not just metaphorical fireworks; Trump may actually light a cherry bomb hoping to trigger a seizure in Hillary.

Or maybe he'll just start listing all of Hillary's new scandals that have come out since the last debate: having the State Department pressure the FBI to help conceal her crimes,  using her high office to grant political favors to the "Friends of Bill" who donated to the Clinton Foundation, sensitive documents from Hillary's private server turning up on the "dark web," and the explosive undercover footage from James O'Keefe and Project Veritas which proves that the DNC and Hillary Campaign really are "rigging the election" as Trump has alleged.

And there's more, of course. With the Clintons, there's always more - and there always will be. They are the Earth's most perfect source of unending, renewable corruption.

We'd say more, but we want to save a little strength for tonight's ordeal. And by "a little strength," we mean what's left in our bottle of Scotch.


Sortahwitte said...

I regret to say that I won't be watching the debate tonight. I am 2 and oh and am going for the hat trick. (I'm from Oklahoma. Is that a hat trick?") Also, I have neglected my personal grooming and will be trimming my nose hair, trimming my ear hair and shortening the hair on my head with a propane torch. My wife will be sending it in to Funniest Home Videos.

Mike L said...

There has to be a cartoon with obummer whining it's Bush's fault and now obummer calling Trump a whiner.

Joseph ET said...

Yeah, it seems that both of these candidates have fleas, but that’s the case in every election. In the presidential election of 1964 I voted for Democrat Lyndon B. Johnson although I didn’t like him. I voted for LBJ because Republican Barry Goldwater said he would expand the war in Vietnam. Well, we now know how that turned out!

In this year’s election Trump has fleas but Hillary has cockroaches. We can’t stay home or else we get cockroaches!
Dinesh D'Souza has a nice video
about Christians not voting this November.

In an article I read a couple of weeks ago (wish I had the link) the author said that if Hillary wins she will be able to do anything she wants as the democrats will enable her and the republications will not stop her due to their lack of spine and they don’t like to be called “sexist” or take blame for shutting down the government.

If Trump wins his every move will be questioned and fought by both sides. Just one wrong move and he’s likely to be impeached. So Trump will have to tow the line with great care.

REM1875 said...

Don't feel too bad Joseph ET
fdr said he would keep us out of foreign wars and then kept jabbing the germans and japs in the eye with a stick over and over again.
woody wilson said the same and then trained Canadian and british pilots here and went to war after the germans sank a passenger liner they said was carry arms and ammo and that was in fact carrying arms and ammo.
DemonRats have a long and proud history of lying...wait.....evolving yeah that's the word they use for demonRats - lying is the word they use for republicans ....sorry I forgot.
I am again forced to rearrange my sock drawer so again I will most likely be sadly unable to watch the debate unless something unexpected like being strapped to hospital gurney where it is on tv comes up.
But to those of you who do watch thanks for taking one for the team.
And if you are still undecided at this time we have set up a special voting day for you on Nov 10th, the short yellow bus will be over to take you to the voting booth and get the crayons out of your mouths.

Emmentaler Limburger said...

What is this thing "debate" you speak of? And why would anyone subject themselves to such of their own free will?

BY THE WAY They've changed the voting rules this cycle in an attempt to prevent any violence or other such Democratic Enhance Campaigning Techniques (DECT) at the polls: Those leaning to Trump should present themselves at the polls on Tuesday, 8 November. Those leaning towards Clinton should present themselves at the polls on Tuesday, 15 November. Those not supporting either Trump or Clinton should present themselves at the polls on Tuesday, 22 November for extermination.

I'm told that the new, hermetically-sealed voting booths are actually for your privacy, and rumors of shower heads and trap doors in each are only rumored.

That is all.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Sortahwitte- I'm glad your hair maintenance video won't be airing at the same time as the debate, as that would make it a tough call on which to watch.

@Mike L- That would seem appropriate. By the way, if Hillary wins I fully expect her to continue Obama's policy of blaming Bush for everything.

@Joseph ET- Your summary is right on the nose: if Trump wins, he'll be the closest watched president in history and won't be able to pull off any large shenanigans. Hillary, however, already owns the loyalties of those who should be watching her, reporting on her, or prosecuting her. She'll get away with stuff that Barry never dared try.

@REM1875- Maybe it's just wishful thinking on my part, but I think this final debate may turn into a Cobra vs Mongoose cage match. Personally, I also think this debate should allow the use of broadswords and flame throwers.

Fred Ciampi said...

Well, I plan on watching the figh.... I mean debate and I also plan on starting on my moonshine early. I think I'll use the 190 proof this time, I may need it. But first I'm going to set the DVR to record in on two channels so that I can get different comments from the bozos.... er, I mean newsnics. One possible ray of hope is that the moderator this time is Mike Wallace's son who should be somewhat impartial. Maybe he'll sing 'Primrose Lane'. Oh, wait, wrong Wallace. Maybe the bright lights will start strobing and Hill will spaz out. Oh, well, we can hope.

Geoff King said...

Meanwhile, in Georgia, a Clinton campaign bus is caught dumping raw sewage down a storm drain, just like Randy Quaid's character in "Christmas Vacation".
Likely a preview of what she will do to the entire country if elected.

Alfonso Bedoya said...

Well said, Stilton. I'll be wearing my flak-jacket in case the TV screen explodes. Bottle of Jack Daniels will be readily at hand for back-up, with potassium cyanide tabs as a last resort.

GenEarly said...

Ending this sElection on a happy note, Comrades. I hope everyone will be happy Nov. 9th !!!

Trump 2016 or forgetaboutit

John the Econ said...

A year ago, the only upside to a Trump candidacy I could see was him relentlessly attacking Hillary in a debate. And that's been a total disappointment so far. The reality is that most people's minds were made up months ago. I can't imagine what would happen tonight to change anything. (In fact, his mediocre debate performance to date lends credence to the conspiracy theory that Trump was always a foil for the Democrats to get any viable Republicans out of the race)

The Podesta emails should be devastating, but the reality is that they only confirm what we mostly already knew; That the Clintons are corrupt to the core, and that corruption spreads like a fast moving cancer to wherever they go.

In fact, the massive corruption dump taking place this month actually works to the Clinton's advantage. There is simply too much for anyone to absorb. So it all becomes a massive blur where it's impossible to focus on any one thing. This is how the first Clinton administration worked; Something would be suspected and the Clintons would lie about it. Then it would be revealed and they'd deny it. Then it would become undeniable, and they'd alter their story. Then they'd suffer memory loss about it. Then they'd obfuscate and stall. Then they'd call it "old news" as by this time a new scandal has started the cycle all over again.

As for election rigging, they needn't bother. As I've been saying since the beginning, she will easily win for the simple reason that it's now in the best interest of at least 51% of Americans that she does, because she's the only candidate that guarantees the current state of government payouts and favors.

John the Econ said...

Democrats & Wars: Interesting how nobody (at least outside of the Wall Street Journal) is noting how our Nobel Pre-Peace Prize winning President is now managing 5 wars:

Obama’s Tide of War - As he leaves office, the U.S. is engaged in five hot conflicts.

"An eternal law of global affairs is that weakness invites aggression that can lead to war. The latest validation of this truth is that in the eighth year of the Obama Presidency the tide of war is building on multiple fronts and the U.S. can’t escape the consequences."

@Geoff King, just a preview of what we can expect going forward. What amused me was how the spokesholes called this an "honest mistake", I guess just like that toxic waste spill the EPA caused in Colorado. The guy "honestly" drove the bus over a storm drain, and then "honestly" opened the waste tank, and then "honestly" drove away.

Totally off Topic: Arrived home yesterday to find a pink flyer on my front door. Seems I was visited by UnPlanned UnParenthood, who was campaigning against the GOP candidate for governor because he'd be "bad for women".

Damn. I missed out on another opportunity to oppress a useful idiot face-to-face. I generally come out saying that since I'm a "white male", the left has always assaulted me as being a defacto sexist and racist, and due to my inherent "privilege", there's absolutely nothing I can do to change that. So being a pragmatist, now I believe and embrace it. So I'm all for abortion, since it mostly eliminates poor an racial minorities from the gene pool, just like Margaret Sanger intended. And when they inevitably ask for money, I'll say that I've already paid, through my taxes. But I will ask if she's been sterilized, because I would be willing to contribute to that.

Colby Muenster said...

It will be tough to watch for sure, but watch I will. The wife has a nice selection of single malts, which are normally off limits to me, but tonight I'm going to plead my case and pray she is sympathetic to my need.

As John the Econ has mentioned, we all hoped for these debates to be an all out barrage from Trump, and folks, I think tonight's the night. He has nothing to lose and everything to gain. Problem is, he is not exactly the most eloquent of speakers; more like, "I know you are, but what am I!?" Or the ever popular, "Oh yeah!? (insert Bronx cheer)" He has more ammo at his fingertips than any of his predecessors, but will likely lack the ability to use it. We shall see.

Chris Wallace? As much as I'd like him to use the same tactics liberal moderators use, he won't. I'm sure he will be equally tough on both of them... dammit. Of course, it won't matter because the moonbats will accuse him of enormous bias no matter what he does, short of totally soft-balling HRH Clinton. I just hope he sticks to the issues rather than bring up tabloid BS. I don't give a shit if Trump said "pussy" or if Bill chased other women. I DO give a shit about the SCOTUS, ISIS, healthcare collapse, and the future of my grandchildren!

@Mike L,
Remember the video made in 2007 (I think) of Obama blasting W for adding $4 trillion to the debt in 8 years? Called him un-American and un-patriotic for taking a US credit card and saddling our children and grandchildren with the bill. Then Turdboy adds more than double that to the debt? Sheesh...

@John the Econ,
You mentioned something that I've been mulling over, but never had the guts to say. I'll preface by saying that I abhor abortion and would NEVER actually condone it under any circumstances but rape or incest, and then only immediately after the pregnancy is confirmed. But here goes... Why should we oppose abortion when it is largely Democrats and leeches on society who practice it? There, I said it; I guess I am a deplorable.

Sergio said...

HRC might try to Humanize (or would that be Huma-nize?) herself and bring Chelsea's baby to hold during the debate

Wahoo said...

I'm sort of divided myself (no pun intended) whether to tune in or just hit the sack early.

Fred Ciampi said...

I watched it and had no distilled spirits whatsoever. One question; who designs her clothes, Chairman Mao, Zippy The Pinhead, of Kim il Jong?

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Fred Ciampi & Other Readers- I just watched the debate too. All in all, more substantive than the previous debates, and this was probably Trump's best performance. That being said, few minds will be changed: Hillary is all talking points (which are lies, of course) and Donald continues to beat his drum without providing anything remotely like specifics.

That being said, I'm definitely casting my vote for change. Change from the systemic corruption which Hillary represents. As long as there's a chance that Trump can clean out the stables, or even begin to, he'll have my vote.

Joseph ET said...

@Fred Ciampi
The rumor is that Hillary shops at
Not sure, but that's what everyone says. ☺

Anonymous said...

Is telling the Chinese, the Russians and the NorKs the exact number of minutes it takes to get out the order to launch a nuke and the inability to recall the order, is telling them that illegally releasing classified information?

Oh, and a missed opportunity... "While I was the last to do so, I now fully support the Republican nominee." would have been a great answer.

Rod said...

@Fred: The clothes are designed to conceal teeter-tootering around inside there while trying to stay on the desired vector. There's surely something wrong about her gait.

John the Econ said...

Once again, I couldn't make it through more than a half hour of that. Now listening to pundits analyze the "substance" of what they debated. What substance? He's clueless and she's just lying. For example, whoever actually believes that Hillary is a "staunch 2nd Amendment supporter" literally deserves whatever gulag they eventually end up in.

@Fred Ciampi asked "...who designs her clothes, Chairman Mao, Zippy The Pinhead, of Kim il Jong?"

That's what first went through my mind. Once again, I could only assume that it was indented to hide the exoskeleton that's propping her up.

KanB said...

Missed opportunity. Hillary pointed out that "bad people" aren't necessarily foreign born, in fact "the Pulse Nightclub shooter was born in Queens where the Donald was born". Just raised in an environment that conditioned him to hate Americans. A few segments prior she had pointed out that the Hispanic judge that ruled against Trump couldn't have been biased because he was born in Indiana (in an environment of resentful wet-backs).

Judi King said...

Well, I managed to stay awake this time, although the first two minutes of lieary trying to tell us why to vote for her almost did me in. This "debate" almost seemed like an actual debate with actual issues being discussed, and Wallace did a pretty good job of reining in the combatants. (still voting my conscience)

Pete (Detroit) said...

On the topic of "Exoskeletons" - the video of her being dragged into the van on 9/11 shows a small piece of metal, approx 1"x2"x1/4" falling out of her pant leg - NO idea what it's actually for, and shudder to think.

Speaking of shuddering, I could easily be convinced that was her body double out there last night, prepped up w/ talking points.
Either that or they found a crack filler that's pliable enough to show expression - since WHEN is That Woman's face that smooth?

Missed oppertunity of the night, to me, when she's bitching about Putin trying to influence the election - "You mean like the President did in Israel? Or w/ the Brexit vote? Or YOU did in Egypt, Libya, etc during your "Arab Spring?"
And what, exactly, are tehy using to try to "influence" this? YOUR email that they lifted from YOUR private, un-secured and ILLEGAL server?

could have made tracks w/ THAT...

John the Econ said...

Missed opportunities: That's what made watching all of the debates so painful. The most devastating hits against Hillary would have been quick comebacks of a higher and more relevant caliber than the childhood playground "oh, yeah?" comebacks that Trump mostly delivered.

For example, when Hillary went on her wealth envy shtick about taxing the "rich", he should have said "That's your 'public' position, to be sure. But what is your 'private' position for those who pay more than a quarter million to hear it from you?" That should have been a no-brainer. Quite frankly, he could have used that for most of his retorts, like her commitment to "protecting" the 2nd Amendment.

Or how about "Are you going to run the government more efficiently that you run the Clinton Foundation?" By doing that, you leave the rest of the listener's imagination. Instead, he gives the fact checkers fodder to fudge with whether they actually spend 15% or 5%. Instead, just state that the Clinton Foundation is a fraud, and then let the fact checkers struggle with that.

Or on immigration & refugees, why didn't he bring up the 1,800 that were supposed to be deported, but instead were given citizenship "by accident"? "If US officials can’t tell the difference between a deportation order and a passport application, what faith can citizens have that we're only letting in 'vetted' people? Just what's the point of this and why isn't anyone being held responsible?"

I can't believe that Trump was unable to do this, which just bolsters my suspicion that he was never in this race to win it.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Joseph ET- Sounds plausible.

@SpectreRider- You know, that DID sound like information that shouldn't just be blurted out on national TV. Then again, if the "4 minutes to launch" info was ever on her private server, all of our enemies already have the information.

@Rod- I imagine the sound of little gears, servos, and compressed air blasts occurring whenever Hillary moves. Beneath that Mao suit, I think she's a steampunk Iron Man.

@John the Econ- "He's clueless, she's lying." Seriously, that sums everything up perfectly.

@Karen-n-Bill Hart- There were sooooooooo many missed opportunities. Face it, Trump can't think on his feet, can't turn a deft phrase, and may not actually be too s-m-a-r-t.

@Judi King- I thought this was definitely the best of the debates, and Wallace deserves a lot of credit. That being said, no minds were changed.

@Pete (Detroit)- I think there WAS some camera trickery going on to smooth out Hillary's face. Granted, good makeup can help a lot - but there are absolutely video algorithms which can do facial improvements during a live shoot. Meanwhile, I thought I saw every crease and skin flaw on Donald's skin.

Regarding her Putin monologue, I just wish Trump had asked "why do you think the truth is damaging to you?"

@John the Econ- Yes, Hillary presents a "target rich environment" and I don't think Trump has EVER made use of a single opportunity, which is horribly painful to watch. Regarding your theory that he was never in the race to win it, I have mixed thoughts (but mostly agree). I think he entered the race on an ego-driven whim, just to bolster his name brand (because really - does he HAVE anything else?) as he's done in previous elections. And I think he was surprised that an understandably angry group of people on the right actually embraced his preposterous bloviating. And it finally dawned on him that maybe he actually COULD win, which would be even more pleasing to his ego.

At that time, I think he started running more seriously - albeit not seriously enough to learn much of anything, develop communicatory skills, develop actual policies instead of wild ass promises, etc, etc. I believe he thinks it would be fun to win, but really doesn't care if he loses. He is a nightmare candidate. Hillary just happens to be an even worse nightmare.

james daily said...

Did not watch. Stomach problems. Can't stomach either but regardless one will emerge as the president. That makes it worse. More than likely, the evil one will be our first F President (Stilt: Did you delete my emale) and we will all be the worse for it.