Saturday, April 30, 2011

HnC Vault: Mad Docs and Englishmen

Originally published July 27, 2010

In order to make Obamacare a perfect copy of England's National Health Service, the president recently appointed Dr. Donald Berwick to preside over Medicare and Medicaid. Berwick, an enthusiastic proponent of wealth distribution, is also quoted as saying "I'm romantic about the NHS. I love it. She is such a seductress."

Which is why it's both ironic and frightening that the U.K. has just announced that it will soon be slashing and rationing even basic medical services - especially for the elderly and dying - because their healthcare system is economically unsustainable. Among the money-saying changes:

• Reduction in hip and knee replacements for the elderly.
• Reduction in cataract surgery, orthopedic surgery, and over 50 other common procedures.
• Slash care for the terminally ill, and offer them no pain management services on evenings or weekends.
• Close nursing homes for the elderly.
• Reduce treatment for the mentally ill, and penalize doctors who refer such patients.
• Reduce medical staff and number of hospital beds.
• Send patients home to die.

One expert is appalled that the revised healthcare plans "attempt to save money by leaving people in pain," and declared that it is “incredibly cruel to draw up savings plans based on denying care to the dying."

What's that, Dr. Berwick? There are Death Panels in your beloved National Health Service?

Apparently the seductress is also an executioner.

Update 4/30/2011

Today's cartoon from the vault offers a tip of the hat to jolly olde England on the heels of the Royal Wedding and reminds us that even though the United States lacks a monarchy, Obamacare promises to give us all a Royal Screwing.

Besides the ubiquitous waivers that the alleged president (we'll continue calling him that despite
the birth certificate, as we're still not 100% satisfied that Hawaii is a real state) has handed out to political cronies and lobbyist-connected businesses, the Obama administration has just okayed $6.7 billion in temporary payments to Medicare Advantage plans...even though Obamacare specifically seeks to eliminate those plans. But why?

The answer is that if those very popular plans are ended, as Obamacare demands, senior citizens will get angry and show their resentment at the polls. So by artificially keeping those programs alive, Mr. Obama gets another 2 years (or, God help us, 6 years) to get Obamacare so deeply ingrained in our system that it will be impossible to remove.

At which point, seniors with serious medical conditions will be given a jolly "pip-pip, cheerio" from our UK-style health system as they're sent home to die.


Friday, April 29, 2011

Carrion On

With all of the hubbub over Barack Obama's alleged birth certificate, the mainstream media has largely overlooked all of the latest good economic news for America. Assuming that, like a buzzard, your definition of "good" is synonymous with "sun-baked, maggot-infested roadkill."

The International Monetary Fund has just announced that they expect America's declining economy to take a backseat to that of China in just 5 years. The implications are huge and are well summarized by saying that, in an economic sense, the "Age of America" will be over on the world stage.

Combine that with Standard & Poor's recent decision to downgrade America's economic outlook from "Stable" to "Negative," and say there's a 1-in-3 chance that the United States will lose its AAA borrowing rating within 2 years.

Economic growth has dropped to 1.8% and inflation is rising, causing the cost of everything to rise.

Meanwhile, the actual value of the dollar drops every day while Tim Geithner keeps the printing presses busy spitting out imaginary money and shrugs off the insanity of raising the debt ceiling yet again.

So now that Barack Obama has produced proof of citizenship, we think America is overdue to see him produce some proof of leadership.

But despite the maggot-infested roadkill, we won't be holding our breath.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Frankly My Dear

Following the release of a poll that showed
only 38% of Americans were sure he was born in the United States, and the dogged questions of Donald Trump (who has spent millions to prevent anyone from seeing his actual hairline), the alleged Barack Barry Hussein Soetoro Obama II finally displayed his long-form birth certificate yesterday.

Well, a
copy of his long-form birth certificate.

Okay, a copy of a possible
abstract of his long-form birth certificate.

And it seems like such an innocuous and boring document that people are wondering why it was withheld for so long. After all, there's nothing
embarrassing in it, is there?

Granted, it specifies that his parents didn't live on a
plantation, which sounds a bit funky to anyone who isn't familiar with Hawaii's third-world culture and sweltering fields filled with spiritual-singing ukelele pluckers.

And it shows that the last date that his teenaged mother worked was, well,
never. And that his father's "usual occupation," at age 25, was student...although it might have been more accurate to describe his "usual occupation" as bigamist and kiddy diddler.

Still, the release of this impressive and at least conceivably authentic document should be enough to finally get people to drop questions about whether or not Mr. Obama is American and get back to the more
important questions.

Like why he's

Without little inky footprints, we'll still never know his number of toes.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Moment of Silence

Yesterday, the nation was rocked by news of the tragic passing of Hubert J. "Hub" Schlafly Jr, the man who invented the teleprompter and, therefore, also invented Barack Hussein Obama.

Schlafly, age 91, was a TV engineer who originally developed the teleprompter in the 1950's to help soap opera actors remember their lines about rumors, scandals, affairs, sickness, death, financial shenanigans and melodrama expressed in dumbed-down, populist, purple prose. Surprisingly, neither the device nor the scripts required modification for political use.

To show appropriate respect for the passing of Mr. Shlafly, Hope n' Change would like to suggest that the alleged president lower his head and observe a dignified period of silence.

Two years should do nicely.



Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Katie Dud

Back when George W. Bush was President of the United States, the mainstream media not only claimed that he was personally responsible for rising gasoline prices (which would ruin the lives of working Americans), they also suggested that he was sneaking to people's homes at night to deflate their cars' tires and take a leak in their windshield fluid reservoirs.

But today, things are very different. Even though Barack Obama's
two year legacy of anti-oil policies would seem to have a direct bearing on the skyrocketing cost of gasoline, only 1% of network news stories bothered to mention that, just maybe, Obama's moratorium on oil drilling and exploration - and his lobbing cruise missiles into the oil fields of Libya - just might have something to do with the fact that a tank of gas now costs twice what a share of General Motors stock does. No, really.

Instead, the networks are parroting Mr. Obama's assertion that the rising prices are due solely to the oil companies (the evil rich), and oil speculators (the evil rich), and Republicans (the evil rich) who have failed to prudently invest in sustainable, natural, alternative energies (unicorn farts).

Which is, perhaps, why network news ratings are increasingly going into the dumper. As today's cartoon mentions, CBS has just agreed to accept Katie Couric's "decision" (wink-wink, nudge-nudge) to leave her position as anchor of the CBS Evening News...but only after covering a really
important news story: the Royal Wedding of Two People Whose Names We Don't Remember But Sort Of Like Anyway Because They Didn't Send Invitations To Barack And Michelle Obama.

Here at
Hope n' Change, we'd like to think that Couric's dismissal could hint at the possibility of actual news reporting returning to the networks...if only in an attempt to steal some of Fox News's audience share.

But it probably won't happen. We have it on good authority (from the mainstream media) that the real blame for the decline in network news viewership should be directed at George Bush.

Just like the blame for everything else that's happened for the past two years.

"See BS" Evening News

Monday, April 25, 2011

Let's Easter Egg Roll

Easter is a day when people stop to reflect on the effects of spirit, morality, and responsibility in their lives and ask: "What would Jesus do?"

And the answer, according to the Whitehouse, is
push-ups. Jesus would do lots and lots of push-ups. Or at least this seems to be the thinking at the 2011 Whitehouse Easter Egg Roll being held today (because what's so special about Sunday?) which has been turned into a fitness event.

Tastefully picking up on the Christian message of Resurrection, the event's theme is "Get Up And Go," and will feature healthy eating tips and cooking demos, as well as basketball, tennis, an obstacle course (perhaps called "the stations of the cross-trainer"?), a dance party, and of course
yoga. Apparently "Eastern" was close enough to "Easter" in the minds of the Obama family.
To make sure the 30,000 invited guests don't forget the true meaning of the day, the official (and safely inedible) Whitehouse Easter Eggs each carry a portrait of the Easter Bunny wearing running shorts and a sweat band...which is like a crown of thorns, only washable. On the flip side of the eggs, a few words are inscribed to give comfort, strength, and a renewed sense of faith in these troubled times. The words are: "Barack Obama" and "Michelle Obama."

some people are annoyed that the Whitehouse has taken one of the most sacred days on the Christian calendar and turned it into a secularly transmitted disease. But Hope n' Change must defend the alleged president and point out that he can be very serious about religion and observe holy days without turning them into jazzercize classes.

For instance, it wasn't that long ago he held a
very tasteful and extravagant Whitehouse Ramadan feast for a group of Muslims at which he praised the majesty of their faith and enthusiastically encouraged them to build a mosque at Ground Zero.

After which, everyone went out to the Whitehouse lawn for the festive annual Head Roll.

The reason for the season: Barack Obama, Michelle Obama,
and an Easter Bunny dressed
as Richard Simmons.

Bonus Update (too good not to share):

This picture, taken on Easter, indicates that we're not the only
ones who have some problems with B. Hussein's holiday plans.


Sunday, April 24, 2011

HnC Vault: Easter Surprise

Originally published April 12, 2009

As we celebrate Easter, it's a good time to remember the people who are important to us. Like the pastor you followed for 20 years, and respected enough to have him baptize your children.

Update 4/24/2011

I couldn't resist bringing back "Jeremiah Wright in a Bunny Suit" for this Easter edition of the Hope n' Change Vault. After initially showing him in this get-up, I think I used Jeremiah several more times in other scenarios...without really bothering to explain why he was still dressed like the Easter Bunny. Or, in these politically correct times, perhaps he was the "Planting Season Bunny," who distributes "Spring Spheres" (rather than Easter eggs) to kids. Sigh...

In any event, you have a much better chance of seeing the real Easter Bunny today than you do of seeing Jeremiah Wright welcomed at the Whitehouse.
Rosa Parks may have made sure that Blacks don't have to go to the back of the bus, but Barack Obama has demonstrated quite clearly that it's still okay to throw them under the bus.

But putting all of that aside for now, Hope n' Change wishes all of our readers a very happy Easter, and a joyous and meaningful day to everyone no matter what their faith.