Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Just Joshing

obama, obama jokes, josh earnest, white house, liar, tranquility, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, conservative, jay carney

Like most Americans, you're probably asking yourself why every corner of the world is suddenly so peaceful and loving, why there are always rainbows in the sky, and why pastel clouds of butterflies rise from fields of flowers as unicorns gambol and gallop in the sunshine.

And the answer, of course, is that the policies of Barack Obama are so darned successful!

Then again, maybe you haven't been asking those questions because, unlike White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest (who still has that showroom fresh "new spokesweasel" smell), you're not filled to your freaking eyeballs with prozac, fortified wine, and crack cocaine.

We base our conclusion on Mr. Earnest's bizarre  response to questions about a recent Wall Street Journal article which points out that the world is currently a ticking timebomb, with the greatest amount of global instability and militant whackjob craziness since the late 1970's.

When asked (and we paraphrase ever so slightly here) why Barack Obama is simply watching the world go to blazing hell with his thumb jammed waaaaaay up his ass, Mr. Earnest blew out a lungful of meth smoke then asserted that the president's policies have "substantially furthered American interests and substantially improved the, uh, you know, the – the tranquility of the global community."

Tranquility, Josh? Really...? Although to be perfectly fair, the Press Secretary only referred to the "global community" and didn't specify whether he was referring to Earth or perhaps some other globe which only he can see in those spectacular "eyes rolled back in the head" first moments after the heroin screams into his thirsty veins.

All of which brings us to the legitimate question raised in today's cartoon: do we miss Jay Carney yet?

No we do not. We will never miss Jay Carney. We would miss having Ebola and bleeding out from every orifice before we would miss Jay Carney.

Which is why Hope n' Change was very disturbed to read recent reports that Apple Computer is considering Jay Carney to become their new head of PR. For one thing, this would drastically affect our retirement portfolio as we dump Apple stock like there's no tomorrow. It would also force us to renounce Apple products, computing in general and, in all likelihood, electricity just so we wouldn't run the risk of accidentally hearing Jay Carney make a wholly unbelievable announcement about the wonders of a new "iPhoney."

Frankly, we think a better job for Carney would be working as a padding-free dummy at a facility which trains attack dogs. Sadly, this isn't likely to happen...but even imagining it gives us (in the words of Josh Earnest) substantially improved tranquility.


Grumpy Curmudgeon said...

Earnest (that name - really?) and the two State Department floozies (I wonder if Teresa knows 'ol John probably picked them - maybe spend a little 'Q' time on the yacht?)have put even Baghdad Bob to shame for being an underachiever. I mean the best Bob could do was keep a straight face when a Tomahawk did a right turn down the street behind him.

Snowpuss said...

The Carney barker earnestly josh's you.

Meanwhile, Barry's in a state of tranquility while chowing down at a Ramadan dinner in the White House with his besties.

Geoff King said...

Perhaps the globe Earnest was Joshing about was the Moon: Tranquility Base here...The Eagle has scandaled.
Meanwhile, back on Earth: Gaza, Syria, Iraq, Iran, and the South China Sea are all powder kegs in the process of exploding. Also, Russia is now threatening nuclear strikes if Ukraine attempts to retake Crimea. Possible Armageddon certainly makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. Maybe Ă˜bama has "the global community" confused with the Palm Springs Golf Course. I here that is quite peaceful.

Wahoo said...

The amazing thing is Josh makes such outlandish pronoucements with a straight face, in the manner of Nancy Pelosi.

Wahoo said...

What "President's policies" is Josh referring to--cutting into lunch lines and refusing to allow faster golfers to play through?

TrickyRicky said...

Damn, I kind of liked my Apple stock too, but you have to do what you have to do. I still hate not drinking Fat Tire and 1554, but when New Belgium came out publicly against hydraulic fracturing and fossil fuels, the die was cast. Not that they will notice (I tend toward hard liquor anymore) but I do have to vote with my dollars and my conscience.

Pete (Detroit) said...

Wahoo - Nancy makes comments w/ a straight face as she's no longer able to move it much - rather like the Tin Man of Oz, who could barely squeak out 'oil can'...
Did your mother ever tell you growing up "you keep making that face, and one day it will freeze like that"?
Guess Nancy decided that was as good as it was going to get.

Do you suppose Mr Pelosi has a separate room? Or at least a separate BED?!?!? Can you imagine waking up next to THAT every morning? YIKES!

Sparky said...

[holding my head in agony] "I picked the wrong day to give up smoking crack cocaine." (Lloyd Bridges, Airplane)
I feel like that almost every day with this bogus Administration! I know everyone else here does as well.
And the name "Josh Earnest" ... REALLY!? Can't be his real name? Sounds like a porn star. Perhaps he's not human and it's actually new line of ObamaTrons that they crank out to placate the Great Unwashed. Or did Barry pick this mouth-piece up in a Gay Bar after a night of tying one on with the boys?
Tranquility? Nooooo. The world is more precarious, and the global economies more fragile, than ever thanks to Turd Boy and the idjits that keep voting for it.
What a Mare's Nest this all is. I'm grateful we have your humour to help fight back the "I want to hurl" feeling.

Jim Hlavac said...

There's really not any more or less tranquility than ever before -- and it's the same usual trouble spots: Russia-Ukraine, Nigeria, "Iraq" (fake country, sorry, but Biden's idea to split it into 3 is good, and giving the Kurds their stan with bits and pieces of Turkey, Syria and Iran would solve some problems,) and the Israeli-"Palestinians" (Which are really Egyptians, the Gaza being a former part of that "nation" of fake lines.) ... Afghanistan is still a morass ... Thailand has had their like 30th coup in 40 years ... China seems to think it's going to do something (Soon to break apart, you'll see) -- and well, here and there many nations are still oppressing their people for the good of the people and against the enemies of the people who are, oddly, the people ... North Korea has been rattling their sword for more than 2 decades now, longer even ... I look around the world, and can take out a newspaper from 40 years ago and it could read the same.

Regardless of the same ol' same ol' for this moron Earnest to josh that Obama had a thing to do with any of this is bizarre -- for in many of the demonstrations around the world Obama is a target of the wrath.

Meanwhile, depending on which Yahoo news-feed article one reads -- Obama is controlling everything, or not in control, or giving up control or having control taken away from him ... and, he's out golfing and fundraising.

If Obama has a "foreign policy" or a "doctrine" it's "I'm wonderful, where's the best local ice cream?"

And, well, other than an idiot speaking about an idiot, there's really nothing new to be bothered with.

Judi King said...

Yes, Jim, the world hasn't changed much, but the morons who are trying to convince us that all is lovely need a reality check

John the Econ said...

John Kerry again expressed his discomfort with "American Exceptionalism". Welcome to the world where "everybody is special", which means nobody is. This is the preview of the world where America is no longer the leader. The stans, which have always run amok now feel free to run amok outside their borders. Militant Islam advances while the values of Christendom willingly retreat. The planet's bad actors are emboldened, knowing there will be little personal consequence. Seeing the writing on the wall, For the first time since WWII, Japan is openly contemplating developing offensive military capability, knowing that the America's defensive dome is retracting. Indeed, today it's more dangerous to be our ally than it is to be our enemy. And our enemies are laughing at us. Boko Haram cheerfully mocks the First Lady's impotent selfie campaign. And then they proceed to kidnap more little girls to sell into slavery.

In Kerry's multi-cultural utopia, America isn't better than anyone else, even cultures that celebrate death and kidnap children to sell into slavery and prostitution.

Meanwhile, America's offensive capability has been reduced to. Selfies from the First Lady.

txGreg said...

Completely off-topic, but today's Pearls Before Swine is one that I thought Stilt (and many others here) might get a chuckle from.

CenTexTim said...

Don't forget that Earnest (snicker, snicker) also said that obama is "absolutely" the most transparent president in history.

Do they really expect people to believe this stuff?

Oh, and BTW, Stilt, loved the "Miss me yet?" tag line.

Anonymous said...

A job as a shark-suit tester would be good. Or as a stand-up comedian, I always got a good laugh at his answers.

Sparky said...

@John The Econ - And now we have this to worry about:
FOX News First: July 16, 2014
By Chris Stirewalt
(Daily E-Newsletter)
In an otherwise cuddly interview on “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” 2016 Democratic frontrunner Hillary Clinton still found a way to stick the knife into her 2008 rival and former boss, President Obama. The former secretary of state, who has been distancing herself from Obama, took an unmistakable jab at the current president in answer to a question about diminishing American clout in the world: “We have not been telling our story very well. We do have a great story.” Clinton said, “We are not perfect by any means, but we have a great story about human freedom, human rights, human opportunity, and let’s get back to telling it to ourselves first and foremost and believing it about ourselves and then taking that around the world. That’s what we should be standing for.” That’s a nearly identical criticism as leveled by many of Obama’s version of the national narrative.
I fear this little pre-planned sound bite by the head of the Arkansas Mob will appeal to the hardcore female Dem's that think they found another false god to worship.
I'm holding my head and feeling waves of unrelenting nausea again ...

Sam L. said...

Perhaps this will even convince El Rushbo to dump his Apple products!

Chuck Baker said...

"Josh Earnest": even his name is a contradiction. His parents really must have hated him to name him Josh with that last name ... cue Johnny Cash.

Anonymouseseses said...

Well, I like my Apple products despite the fact that the Gorpulant is on the board. With Carney, meh. So what. I am sure that there are plenty of other despicable people at Apple or any other corporation, in the loose sense of the word (meaning ANY corporate body, e.g., the IRS/NSA)

What can you really do? There are so many scumbags/psychopaths in power - I would be boycotting everything except Koch products.

Look, the role of the free market is ... to be a free market of products. This mixing of politically-motivated boycotts into whether a product is good or not just isn't the right way for a market to run. Let the product die if it is bad.

Of course there are limits - even I have them. Should Apple start promoting the idea of rounding up conservatives/libertarians for reindoctrination by the Gorpulant, that would certainly cross my line. Or, as 'progressives' often have in the past (in the Woodrow Wilson/Margaret Sanger era), they start advocating sterilization for the 'feeble minded' souls, another line is crossed.

Meanwhile, let the free market work the way it is supposed - deliver a bad product, you go out of business.

Use your votes in the ballot box as they were meant to do. Go out and vote. And may I add, vote Rand Paul. Ha!

BTW, Stilt, lotta white people in that cartoon - was that 'racial animus' on your part? Ha! Sometimes I crack myself up ... sometimes.

PRY said...

Stilt, it's amazing you can still crank out high-quality stuff on a consistent basis! I'm still a fan, my friend!

Now that most everyone with a nursery school education is fully aware of the current Admin's purposes, I feel the tide of optimism for some GOOD changes in the air, or I may be mistaking that for the stench of destruction.
O's former spokesman would make a great ANYTHING that requires simply spewing out what you are told! Obama may be looked upon as the worst prez ever, but also as one of the MOST SUCCESSFUL, I'm sorry to say!
Just as it takes a great deal of time, sweat, blood and tears to create something great, it is completely startling that it can all be brought down so low in such a short period of time, as we a watching daily.
We of the middle-class hold all the power, even according to Saul Alinsky...I guess the trick is getting around the lo-fo people and their freebies.
Keep the faith! November's coming!

Grumpy Curmudgeon said...

Just the tip of the iceberg - when the African Americans finally figure that they are going to the bottom of the heap as far as benefits, political influence, etc.

Chicago Blacks Protest Illegals

The homeless in LA are beginning to protest as well.

David in SoCal said...

Sparky@MTE: You and me my friend. 'cept I picked a bad day to stop doing Heroin.
I don't think Josh Notsoearnest will last long, after being caught, hook/line/sinker on the photo-op question in the Hate House Press Room on 7-15:
NEWS FLASH: Just heard on the tube that the new crop of illegals are now boarding commercial jetliners in El Paso, without having to show photo ID to the TSA(thousands standing around)Agents...(how'd ya like to sit in THAT seat on the return flight?) That's right boys and girls, all they need to do is show the Olet'emin complicit Agents their 'Notice to Appear' paper and they get on the flight to 'Obama only knows where'.
How's that make ya feel?...Totally secure like the border?...Or extremely safe like the World in general?
Next time you fly, ya better take a couple cans of Raid Roach Killer to spray yer seat, and don't forget your Isoniazid, Rifampin, Pyrazinamide, or Ethambutol for 6 to 12 months, for the TB; and for the Dengue Fever,(common in Central America), you should use pain relievers with Acetaminophen and avoid medicines with Aspirin, which could worsen bleeding. You should also rest, drink plenty of fluids, and see your doctor.
I, however, will try to just show my itinerary(no photo ID) to the Transportation Stormtroopers Agency, and see how far THAT gets me....Probably 10-25 years, w/o parole.
Our best bet my friends, is to just drink PLENTY of fluids, until we CANNOT see our Dr.
Disclaimer RE remedies: I am NOT a Doctor, did not even play one on tv.

Karnak said...

How did PRY do that? Just curious ....

Anonymous said...

Wow - what?

Geoff King said...

How can I become an illegal alien? Can I move south of the border, renounce my US citizenship, and then just wade across the Rio Grande? Not only are they getting more benefits than I do, but they now are getting a free luxury resort the likes of which I have never experienced:

Grumpy Curmudgeon said...

The Fence Test
You can't get any more accurate than this!
This is straight forward country thinking.. by
Jeff Foxworthy

Which side of the fence? If you ever wondered which side of the fence you sit on, this is a great test! If a Republican doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one. If a Democrat doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed. If a Republican is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat. If a Democrat is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone. If a Republican is homosexual, he quietly leads his life. If a Democrat is homosexual, he demands legislated respect. If a Republican is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation. If a Democrat is down-and-out he wonders who is going to take care of him. If a Republican doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels. A Democrat demands that those they don't like be shut down. If a Republican is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church. A Democrat non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced. If a Republican decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it. If a Democrat decides he needs health care, he demands that the rest of us pay for his. If a Republican reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh. A Democrat will delete it because he's "offended".

Wahoo said...

@TrickyDicky: Wish I hadn't read that about Fat Tire, just when I was congratulating myself on discovering my new favorite ale. I'll finish off my two remaining bottles, then add New Belgium to my list of politicized corporations (along with Ben & Jerry, Chipotle, Progressive Insurance, the AARP, etc) to boycott.

Wahoo said...

Oops, forgot to give Burger King an honorable mention for its "Proud to Be LGBT" marketing strategy.

Sparky said...

@Wahoo & TrickyRicky ~ Add to the list. They now show two homos checking out the website for places to visit. We live in very sick times, my friends.

Geoff King said...

My question is: What percentage of the population is required to identify as a minority? African Americans are barely over 12%, yet get treated like a majority. Now a new study says that LGBTs are only around 4% and the nation is being forced to accomodate them:
When does my group, the Pissed Off-English-Irish-French-German-Native American-Libertarians, get their day in the sun?

Karnak said...

Um ... yeah. Throw more money at it. Way off subject but I couldn't resist.

So yeah - I want to be an illegal too, and dysfunctional - will that ass 'prog' from the previous listings please tell me how to get some of this money you Democrats throw at problems? I want some of that. I'm a problem, as you well know.

Oh and I'm one of those "T's" in LGBT, BTW - just saying. That is the new 'black' and, at any rate, how would you know either way?

Give me money prig-boy! Illegal, dysfunctional, and a "T". MONEY!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Readers- I haven't been able to jump in on these comments, but I'm sure enjoying them!

Colby Muenster said...

I'm wondering what the job posting looked like (if there really was one, which there wasn't), for WH Press Secretary.

Must be clean cut white male willing to say anything for a buck, including totaly fabricated lies and fairy tales. The fabricated lies and fairy tales must be presented with a straight face on camera. Applicant must have documented proof that he has no soul, no scruples and no ties with Republicans, Libertarians, or Fox News.

Seriously, Jay Blarney and Earnestly Josh seem to be cut from the same bolt of cloth. And I think O'Liar has once again proven what a total racist he is by not hiring a black/hispanic/native American female, lesbian press secretary.

Oh, and Stilton, apparently Ed Morrisey has not visited here...

Tricky et al,
I'm a fan of New Belgium's offerings as well, especially 1554, but thank God there are so many options. It is expensive, but try Arrogant Bastard Ale. And make sure you read the bottle; it will crack you up.

REM1875 said...

I think you got Earnestly Joshing pegged. Hard to find something worst than the carney barker but never look at this group and ask how could it get worse cause they'll show ya.

REM1875 said...

great point, interesting that the money democrats throw at people never seems to reach them. Seems to get caught up in money going to The party, some demonRats politicians cousin, bogus bankrupt company or some union deal. Funny how a million dollars in dee cee is 50,000 by the time it crosses a single state line.

Jim Hlavac said...

I see that several people speak of the gay thing here -- hell, it's a damn national sport/obsession ... as I joke: Never before have so many said so much about so few with so little information, fact, logic or reason ... and must fabricate nonsense. Listening to many Conservatives on gay men is like listening to a liberal on guns - utter mush.

@Grumpy Curmudgeon ... Foxworthy is wrong about the gay thing in his list ... he's as oblivious to it all as the rest of the hetero world -- gays are not seeking "legislated respect" -- we're seeking the legal rights which come with being taxpaying Americans ... I dare say -- there was no respect with bar raids in contravention to the 1st Amendment Right to freely assemble ....

Oh hell, people -- I wrote a book on this friggin' subject ... "The Pink Sheep of the Ninth Circle" --

but it's Republicans who have put into their platform "Legislated disrespect" - and nothing is more aggravating and disrespectful than to be told once again how your religion and belief says I'm "like an alcoholic" and then Demand I change by Marrying your daughter -- anyone have a daughter they want me to marry? No, when I ask - it's crickets ...

I have long contended the gay thing is like no other -- you should read my book on the damn morass ... it ain't "left-right" - -it's Hetero-Homo ...

Legislated respect -- you came into the bars to arrest us for heaven's sake! While we were the only "sickness" that was not only "chosen" but we were "molested" into it -- and we were the only condition ever both psychological and psychiatric ... ooh, you all might be good on many subjects -- on the gay thing ... piffle, utter piffle. :)

Geoff King said...

@ Jim Hlavac: I in no way fault you or anyone for their sexual preference. From the Libertarian point of view, you can lead your life any way you see fit as long as you harm no one or their property. However, when an extremely small percent of the population can force the majority to change their beliefs and ideals, that is causing harm. Do what you want in the privacy of your own home and with whichever willing partner you choose. Marry your damn horse, I do not care. Just do not expect me to offer my support and change my lifestyle to suit you. I also have the right to live my life as I see fit, and if I do no harm, nobody should have the ability to attempt to correct me. Forcing me to make allowances for other's personal choices is not acceptable. There are still cannibals on this planet. Must I also accept their way of life without question? Who knows, judging by the link I supplied, there may be more of them than LGBTers.
Point is, we are all different. We should accept others for who or what they are - or not, but neither we nor they should have to change their belief structure just to be Politically Correct or to avoid hurting someone's feelings. If someone disagrees with your lifestyle, simply do not associate with that person. Do not try to force that person to see things the same way as you. That is not only unfair, but would lead to an extremely boring society if everyone thought and acted the same.

It's No Gouda said...

Apropo, the current world situation>... Here's a Golden Oldie from the early 60's that still seems strangely current...(I've forgotten the protocol for links so you'll have to Gooogle it for yourselves) "The Merry Minuet" by the Kingston Trio.

Karnak said...

Something to remember before we eat our young here. There is a time and place for everything - and sometimes there are better ways to make a point.

I am referring to some comments. But whom am I to say ...

Karnak said...

I am not quite sure what this guy is saying here but I thought I'd share it anyway.

My brain is fried for the night. But when I read it, it sounds like more of the same twisting of meanings of words - the thought of his "Pink Police" is not helping me tonight.

Sometimes, individual liberty, in the old sense of that word, isn't pretty (but in a 'free market', that doesn't matter; it only matters when power accretes) - it is that which so-called "progressives" want to do away with. I am guessing that is the role of his 'pink police'.

Judi King said...

Everyone has the same legal rights as everyone else. Why would any group insist on special legislation to promote any agenda? What a stupid waste of taxpayer's money.