Clackety Clackety Clackety

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As Iran happily enriches weapons-grade uranium and tests long range missiles, Barack Obama is getting tired of holding out his arms for an unreciprocated hug from the terrorist state. Stopping just short of using the dreaded presidential frowny face, Obama has now announced that he will "ratchet up the pressure and see how Tehran responds."

Presumably, they'll respond much the same way the French knights did in "Monty Python and the Holy Grail," and call the president a "wiper of other people's bottoms" whose "mother was a hamster and father smelled of elderberries."

And just what "pressure" the president intends to "ratchet up" is something of a mystery.

Neither Russia nor China is on board for sanctions, and Obama's only threat to Iran is that he hopes to talk the UN into writing a stinging letter. Meanwhile, Ahmadinejad is loading his catapults with nuclear cows, confident that Obama will - once again - "run away!!!!"

Don't make us use the party horns...

Crude Oil

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Poor Barack Obama. Even when he does the right thing (in fact, only when he does the right thing) he's misunderstood and criticized by the people around him. In this case, because he's supposedly come out in support of offshore oil exploration.

Frankly, we think it's vital to find additional sources of domestic oil in view of the fact that the Obama administration has basically given Iran free reign to develop nuclear weapons, which will predictably disrupt Mideast oil supplies in the foreseeable future.

But liberals and environmentalists are screaming, because offshore oil rigs...unless very closely supervised and regulated by the government...might produce profits for oil companies, energy for American business, and hasten the end of the world through global warming, global cooling, and/or global climate change, depending on what sort of mood Al Gore is in today.

However, a closer look at the president's proposals actually shows that he plans to reduce and delay domestic exploration and drilling, while actively seeking to raise the cost of gasoline and impose a "cap and trade" energy tax on virtually every aspect of American's lives.

And so it appears that America's virgin oil fields will remain virgins for the foreseeable future. Which is ironic when you think about what the president has done to the rest of us...

All In A Day's Work

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The American economy shed another 23,000 jobs last month, which is being heralded as good news because Americans no longer have any idea what genuine "good news" sounds like.

This brings the total to 8.4 million jobs lost since the current recession began, and explains why the president and the Democratic congress have made employment their tippy top legislative priority... after healthcare. And cap and trade. And amnesty for illegal immigrants. And...

April Fools Bonus! Courtesy of Hope n' Change, here's your very own "Obamacare" free health pass, suitable for printing, laminating, and presenting to the medical provider of your choice! Better still, print a bunch of them and pass them out to liberals...they'll actually believe it!

Jabbertalky

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In 1963, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr referred to the "fierce urgency of now" in his famous "I Have a Dream" speech.

But since then, Barack Obama has co-opted the phrase for use in his presidential campaign, for tactical advice to foreign leaders and, presumably, when waiters are taking too long to bring his arugula salads.

The problem is that when the phrase is taken out of context and used indiscriminately, it makes no sense...and reveals that the president is a man who cares more about how words sound than what they mean.

We expect such nonsense during campaigns, but not during wartime. Which, Mr president, happens to be "now."

It's Only Business

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Democrats believe that if they passed a law that said "pigs can fly," the skies would soon be filled with joyous oinking.

And so they're shocked...shocked!...that the Obamacare bill which was supposed to reduce costs for businesses is already causing costs to skyrocket. AT&T reports increased costs of $1 billion, Caterpillar will pay more than $100 million more, Deere & Company $150 million, and the list goes on and on...totaling nearly $14 billion during the most challenging business environment in memory. New jobs? New investments? Not likely.

The Democrats are responding to this bad news by ordering an investigation of the companies, demanding to know why the real-life numbers aren't adding up the way the Democrats ordained them to.

According to one source, prior to Obamacare's passage several CEO's tried to explain to the president what the bill would do to business and the economy in general: "First the president didn't understand what they were talking about. Then he basically told my boss he was lying. Frankly my boss was embarrassed for him; he clearly had not been briefed and didn't know what was in the bill."

None of which, unfortunately, kept the president or the Democrats from passing the bill. And the buck.

Hit The Road, Jack

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After eight seasons on the air, Keifer Sutherland's "24" has finally been cancelled...and we couldn't be more delighted.

Often described as a conservative or right-wing program, "24" was exactly the opposite following the departure of the show's original creator.

Over the past few seasons, with liberal writers and producers at the helm, a familiar pattern has evolved: a plot that initially appears to be the work of foreign terrorists is actually a sleazy, profit-making plan by American big business interests, or even the President of the United States (that is, when the President was an evil white man, and not a virtuous black man or strong, independent woman).

American intelligence services and the military have been depicted as idiotic, bumbling, and riddled with traitors. And though Jack Bauer has saved the world 8 times now, he is guilt-ridden and, at the end of Season 7, asked for a Muslim imam to hear his (supposed) deathbed confession and give absolution.

In the end, viewers refused to be Jacked around for another 24 hours.

Bee-doop. Bee-doop. Bee-doop. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

Much Ado

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The mainstream media is enthusiastically running with the story that heroic Democrats who courageously voted for healthcare are now the victims of "terrorism" perpetrated by angry conservatives.

We're a bit confused. When Abdulmutallab tried to bring down a jet with a bomb in his underwear, the media agreed with Eric Holder that it wasn't terror... just an "alleged" criminal act. When Nidal Hasan killed 13 soldiers and wounded 32 others at Ft. Hood, the media shared Barack Obama's opinion that we "shouldn't jump to conclusions" that it was terror. And, oh yeah, the attacks on 9/11? Those were "man-caused disasters"...not terror.

But now the media is reporting that Black legislators were attacked with ugly racial epithets from a white mob...even though video from the event shows no such thing, and a $10,000 reward for any proof that it happened has gone unclaimed. And reports that a rock was thrown through a Democratic congressman's office window fell apart when it was revealed that his office is 30 stories from the ground.

Have the Democrats received offensive and, perhaps, even threatening phonecalls from angry voters? We're sure that they have. And we're also sure that this is nothing new to public figures. What is new is the collaboration between the Democrats and the media to create a false narrative of imaginary "terror" in order to discredit any and all dissent about Healthcare.

So let's be very, very clear. No one on either side should ever promote or condone violence to their political opposition. And the only time the Democrats should be beaten like red-headed step-children is at the polls.

Okay, some death threats and hate speech are real