Long Term No See

Friday is the Whitehouse's favorite day to release embarrassing or damaging news, in hopes that nobody will hear it. But thanks to Hope n' Change's "Occupy Press Room" protest, we were there (with our sleeping bags and bongo drums) to hear that the president has just cancelled a key component of Obamacare because it's already failed financially.

Specifically, this was the so-called CLASS Act which was supposed to be Obamacare's replacement for private long term healthcare insurance. Unfortunately, the numbers which Obama produced when pushing his healthcare "reform" proved to be totally bogus and, far from saving taxpayer money (which was the claim), the long term care plan would have gone broke almost immediately.

What Obama and the other geniuses hadn't considered was that a lot of sick people might sign up for long term care insurance...and a lot of healthy people wouldn't (unless compelled at gunpoint, like the rest of Obamacare). Which would be bad enough when trying to balance the books, but it turns out that if EVERY American worker (healthy or sick) had signed up for the plan, it still wouldn't have had enough participants to break even. Apparently, the government never actually stopped to think about how many people actually exist.

An assistant secretary at Health and Human Services now admits that the original actuarial research into the plan was "quite thin," but cheerily notes that the program's spectacular failure has given bureaucrats "a much broader understanding of how the long-term care market works."

Keep in mind, this is the same braintrust that cobbled together all of the other numbers which supposedly show that Obamacare can work. Only their final conclusions weren't based on either math or expertise in insurance or medicine. It came only from cooking the books and lying to the American people. But if Obamacare collapses (as it is predicted to) after eliminating private health insurance companies, it will be impossible for our nation's healthcare system to ever recover.

This story is huge. But will it be big enough to still be considered newsworthy by Monday? We doubt it.

Because as inept as Barack Obama is at providing long term healthcare, he's shown himself to be remarkably shrewd about judging Americans' short term memories.

Portrait of the Founder: "Mutual of Obamacare."
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There You Joe Again

With all of the recent media interest in "Occupy Wall Street," very little attention has been paid to what's occupying the space between Joe Biden's ears. But that changed this week when the ever-quotable Vice President went to Flint, Michigan and declared that unless Barack Obama's tax-hiking jobs bill is passed, there would be more rapes and murders occurring.

Theoretically, this is because in Joe's simple worldview, fewer cops on the payroll equates to more violent crimes being committed. But since cops don't usually prevent those crimes, but only capture the wrongdoers after the fact, we have to try following Biden's tortured logic to its natural conclusions.

The first would be that it's unemployed cops who are the murderers and rapists, but they won't have time to engage in their hobbies if there's enough stimulus money to put them back into patrol cars.

If we want to let the cops off the hook, then the infrastructure-building Jobs Act could only cut down on violent crime if it's Michigan's construction workers who enjoy rape and murder when they have too much idle time.

Of course, it's possible that Joe simply meant that if the president's jobs bill continues to be thwarted, Obama may tell his pet mobs in the Occupy Wall Street movement to go ahead and rape, pillage, and "eat the rich" while playing bongo drums, smoking dope, and pooping on cop cars (which there won't be enough of without new stimulus money).

But the most likely possibility is that, God love him, Joe just doesn't have a freakin' clue what he's talking about, and just wanted to get out to make speeches and eat rubber chicken.

Because frankly, it's got to be really depressing hanging around the Whitehouse these days, now that even top Democrats are treating Obama like a raping, murdering, turd in the punchbowl.

Police warn that the suspect distracts victims by "asking for change"...

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BONUS: By popular demand, here's this year's "Hope n' Change" Halloween video, so you'll have time to send links to friends, family, or (better still) liberals via Facebook, Twitter, or whatever other devilish service you can think of!

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Jumping To Confusions

As we begin a new week, Marxist protestors parroting the president's class warfare rhetoric choke city streets, Harry Reed and the democrats won't touch Barack Obama's tax-raising jobs bill, employment numbers suck, and our national morale is in the dumper. So who will pull us out of our malaise and get us on our feet again?

Michelle Obama, of course! Because tomorrow the yam-growing, fat-busting, sporadically proud of America First Lady is going to attempt to capture the world record for doing Jumping Jacks!

So how many does she have to do? One thousand? Ten thousand? A million? A trillion?! Well, uh, no...she only intends to jump for one minute. But if 20,000 other people somewhere in the world decide to do a minute of jumping jacks sometime during the same 24 hour period, she figures she'll have the record.

In fairness, if she can get 20,000 people to follow her for an entire minute, she will have demonstrated greater leadership than her husband has exhibited since being elected. And her "World Record" will actually be for doing something, instead of getting a Nobel Prize for the possibility that she might do something someday.

The point of all this is for Michelle to show the American people that exercise is good! Especially if you have lots of other people doing it for you.

Which, when you think about it, is the same idea her husband is preaching about earning a living.

Pssst! You're doing it wrong...

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