Saturday, December 12, 2009

Dear Friends And/Or Family

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Thanks to rising unemployment numbers, many people have excess time on their hands to write Christmas letters detailing the many ways that Obama's "Hope & Change" has touched their lives over the past year.

If you're like most people, that could make for some really depressing reading for your friends and family members. So if you're searching for a bit of "happy news" to put in your newsletter, we suggest you include the web address for Hope n' Change Cartoons, and invite others to share the fun! After all...

Friday, December 11, 2009

Deja Vu All Over Again

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Despite the Climategate Scandal, which has obliterated the scientific argument for manmade global warming, Barack Obama and other world leaders at the Copenhagen Climate Summit are plowing ahead with their "anti-industrial revolution" which will further cripple our economy.

Meanwhile on the home front, the EPA has declared CO2 to be a poison gas so incredibly dangerous that the government must now take control of everything that produces CO2...including your home, your car, and any family members or pets who breathe. The Government also plans to round up all carbonated beverages and imprison them at Guantanamo Bay until they can be safely buried in salt mines far beneath the surface of the Earth.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Airport Insecurity

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Officials with the Transportation Security Administration posted an airport security screening manual online, with all of our (formerly) top secret security vulnerabilities clearly visible - making it a virtual "Terrorism for Dummies" manual for anyone who wants to easily get through airport security with their bombs or other weapons.

Potential terrorists now know that small gauge wires won't pick up in X-rays, that wheelchairs and orthopedic shoes won't be inspected, and that travelers from certain countries get extra screening (so prior to a terror mission, you should fly from an "approved" country). As a special bonus, the manual
also includes samples of identification for Federal Air Marshals, police, and the CIA...making it easy for anyone with Photoshop and a laminator to make a fake ID.

Aren't you glad that the government will never be in charge of keeping all of your financial and medical information confidential? Oh wait...

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Insurance Card or Race Card?

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Having run out of sane things to say in support of Obamacare, Senate majority leader Harry Reid has suggested that wanting to "slow down" and think about Healthcare reform is tantamount to supporting slavery.

Interestingly, since Republicans have already been excluded from drafting or revising the Healthcare legislation (and won't vote for it), Reid seems to be pressuring "on the fence" moderate Democrats by accusing them of racism.

Then again, he may not be entirely off the mark - back in 1964, it was
the Democrats who attempted a filibuster to prevent the passage of Civil Rights legislation, led by former Klan member (and current Democratic senator) Robert Byrd.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Six of One

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Attendees at the Copenhagen Climate Conference are declaring that it's immoral for us to exhale, at the same time they're enjoying the loose morality of their host country...and the fact that local prostitutes are giving away free sex to conference guests.

This explains why giggles erupt in the audience whenever Al Gore says things like "an ill wind blows," "warm fronts," "hands on," "backdoor strategy," or "emissions"...and why the conference erupted in hysterical pandemonium when he said sea levels would "rise six inches."

Monday, December 7, 2009

Clear Headed

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Despite his promises for the "most transparent presidency" ever, the Obama administration continues to stonewall on issues large and small ("separation of powers" to prevent the Whitehouse social secretary from explaining a major security breach?). Individuals and media outlets have had to file FOIA lawsuits to pry basic information from this Whitehouse, and "closed door" meetings are now the rule - including today's meeting on "government openness."

We believe that Obama is using a very specific and misleading definition of "transparency" which was suggested by his Loophole Czar...but we can't prove it unless our Freedom of Information Act lawsuit forces the Whitehouse to comment.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Death and Taxes

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The Democrats are scrambling to ratify a permanent death tax which will grab up to 45% of the estates of the wealthy. However, the "wealth" of the deceased often includes the value of family farms or businesses, which must be sold to pay off the government rather than allowing family members to inherit or keep the businesses running.

So the tax accomplishes two things: it kills jobs when jobs are desperately needed, and it gives liberals more money to pass out to their friends. In Democratic circles, this is known as a "win-win."