Head Winds

At the time of this writing on Thursday afternoon, Hurricane Matthew hasn't yet struck Florida with its full power, but there is an unstoppable quality about this literal force of nature that is frightening and somewhat overwhelming. Hope n' Change offers our sincere wishes for the safety of everyone in the affected areas, and as little damage as possible.

And frankly, we're feeling the same way about the state of politics in our country right now. We can see the immense storm and chart its approach and growing intensity - but we haven't yet felt the full brunt of its impact, nor can we predict its ultimate path of destruction.

The upcoming election is part of that metaphorical storm, of course. As is the revelation that the FBI agreed to destroy evidence-containing computers from Hillary Clinton's underlings, which makes it absolutely official (as if it hadn't been evident for a long time) that the FBI and DOJ are now entirely corrupt entities of political manipulation rather than law enforcement.

Speaking of corruption and political manipulation, Barack Obama is attempting to illegally funnel billions of taxpayer dollars into propping up Obamacare (basically putting rouge on a corpse) just long enough to help Hillary Clinton stagger over the Presidential finish line.

And of course, there's so very much more. It all feels a bit overwhelming.

We apologize for our melancholy tone today, but we're worried about the hurricane, worried about our country's future, and - to be completely honest and possibly too personal - somewhat drained after spending time today with a good friend who is fighting Alzheimer's.

Whether the source is illness, politics, or meteorological disaster, sometimes we just know that we're in for a real pounding...and the most important questions become how well we will weather the storm, and what we can do afterwards for ourselves and others.

For starters, we're thinking it's time to stockpile beer.

FROM THE VAULT: YES, OBAMA, THERE IS A SANDY CLAUSE

In 2012, Obama got a big pre-election boost from Hurricane Sandy and a passionate hug from Chris Christie for expediting emergency funds.  

Hope n' Change is not looking forward to seeing how the Obama White House will now use hurricane Matthew to try to make Hillary Clinton look more palatable, but it's a certainty that the administration which prides itself on "never letting a good crisis go to waste" will be doing so soon - and with uncharacteristic transparency.

When Seconds Count

Wow, what did you think about that VP debate last night between (quick Google search) Tim Kaine and Mike Pence?! No, seriously, what did you think - because as of this writing, it hasn't actually taken place yet. We do, of course, fully intend to record the debate and promise ourselves to watch it for at least a week, after which we'll erase it to make more room on our DVR for episodes of COPS.

Not that we don't take seriously the contest to fill the big, floppy clown shoes of Joe Biden.  Especially since we think there's a greater than usual chance that one of these men will actually ascend to the Presidency sometime within the next 4 years.

Seriously, we wouldn't be surprised to see a President Hillary keel over from an aneurysm while screaming at her Secret Service agents, or a President Trump resign from the job in a fit of petulance after he finds out that he can't actually toss people in jail or have them executed for "thinking bad, bad, very bad, so, so bad things."

Fortunately, as former Governors, both Kaine and Pence have executive experience (unlike the Presidential candidates) and appear to be clinically sane (very unlike the Presidential candidates), so assuming that neither of them actually foams at the mouth during the debate, we're quite possibly looking at a presidential upgrade if either of them is suddenly called to the highest office in the land.

FROM THE VAULT: CLUELESS JOE

No Taxation Without Misrepresentation

Political scandals aren't what they used to be. As a case in point, the NY Times has gone front page crazy with a story screaming that over the past few years, Donald Trump may have paid all the federal income tax he legally owed - which possibly, and only possibly, equalled "none."

Note to the apparently clueless NY Times: "Man Pays Correct Amount of Taxes" is not a scandal. In fact, it's not even interesting. 

This story, which Hillary Clinton very, very coincidentally alluded to prior to its publication during the debates (perhaps the result of the psychic visions she's had since her violent head trauma), was written based on illegally obtained tax information which shows...no wrongdoing. Honest.

Rather, Trump's business lost nearly $1 billion in 1995 and IRS regulations allow all businesses to apply such financial losses to their future taxes. In this way, our government encourages businesses to grow and take risks through active investment rather than just sitting on their assets. This results in "job creation"...and Hillary is against it.

As Trump has repeatedly stated, he has been audited many times since 1995 - and the IRS (which is hardly nonpartisan) has found absolutely nothing wrong. So what's the big deal now?

The big deal is class envy, stoked to a fever pitch by the wildly (and mysteriously) wealthy Hillary, and the fact that Democrats are complete chowder heads when it comes to understanding anything at all related to business or finance. Moreover, the case against Trump is entirely speculative, unlike the known facts about the NY Times itself - which paid $0 in taxes in 2014 despite making a pre-tax profit of $29.9 million. Better still, they also got a $3.5 million tax refund paid for by working citizens who aren't lucky enough to have a legal team on staff.

Frankly, Hope n' Change is against paying even a penny more than we legally owe in taxes, and we salute Donald Trump and his accountants for having the same attitude. And let's not forget that to get his tax breaks, Trump had to lose almost a billion dollars - and we're guessing that's not a tax strategy most people would enjoy employing.

As for Hillary, we can only hope that her new slogan, "We'll Make You Pay More Than You Owe," is clearly heard by every voter in the land.

BONUS: THE YOUNG & THE BREATHLESS

Hillary's popularity with millennials continues to drop, and she wasn't helped by the recent revelation that she referred to many of them (Bernie supporters) as clueless and "living in their parents' basements." So she's pushing hard to connect with youthful voters, and is delightfully bad at it.

Which brings us to this hilarious video from Youtube star Jenna Marbles, which was brought to our attention by actual millennial Daughter Jarlsberg. We don't normally feature other people's work here on Hope n' Change, but this was just too good not to share! (Note: contains a little NSFW language)