Friday, February 8, 2013
Have you heard the hilarious new riddle that's been sweeping through the halls of the Department of Homeland Security? It goes like this:
Question: What do you have when you've stockpiled 1.6 billion rounds of ammunition in 10 months?
Answer: Not enough bullets! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Okay, we're not laughing either - especially since Janet Napolitano just ordered another 21.6 million bullets to add to her "homeland" arsenal. But what in blazes is she expecting to happen within our borders which will require so much firepower?
To put the numbers into perspective, at the peak of the Iraq war our military was using 5.5 million bullets a month. By that standard, Janet Napolitano's troops now have enough ammo to wage full scale war on someone for 30 years. Someone here at home.
Or another way to look at it is 5 bullets for every man, woman, and child in America. Literally.
It seems uncomfortably coincidental that Barack Obama and company are pushing hard for the disarmament of citizens, while simultaneously stockpiling jaw-dropping (or dissidence-stopping) amounts of domestic artillery, including hollow point bullets intended to kill rather than wound.
Someone with a suspicious mind might imagine that Obama and the DHS are preparing for something huge, something secret, and something which would be so disruptive to our economy that bullets might be unavailable for years or decades.
Fortunately, here at Hope n' Change Cartoons, we don't have suspicious minds!
Or at least we're not admitting we do until our Kevlar longjohns arrive in the mail.
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Barack Obama, who is pushing gun control measures in case "they help only one child," can now take credit for pushing seven million men, women and children off of their current employer-sponsored healthcare plans according to a new report from the nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office on the devastating effects of Obamacare.
The president, when lobbying for his bill, solemnly promised "if you like your healthcare insurance, you can keep it. End of story."
But as the sainted Paul Harvey would say, there is...the rest of the story. Specifically, that Barry was lying like a prayer rug, and knew perfectly well that Obamacare was specifically designed to encourage employers to drop healthcare coverage and make previously secure workers into wards of the state.
Still, if you are losing the health insurance you liked (either by having an employer dump it, or having the costs raised by as much as 100% for self-insurers), you might be better off not complaining about it too loudly now that Obama has firmly established the (ahem) "legality" of blowing American citizens out of their shoes with drone attacks.
Of course, the legal permission is strictly limited to Americans working for Al-Qaeda. Or (insert DOJ-approved weasel-wording here) "an associated force." You know, like the Ted Nugent fan club, the Tea Party, or maybe the NRA.
Moreover, the subsequent delivery of a hellfire missile to your door in 30 minutes or less is permitted even without a trial, and with no evidence that the individual is engaged in an active plot to attack the United States (say, by requesting a balanced budget or photoshopping pictures of Barry).
In other words, if you're among the millions who'll be losing their healthcare insurance because of Obamacare, you'd better damn well like it.
End of story.
Monday, February 4, 2013
To prove that Barack Obama isn't a pansy-ass gun-hating nimrod who lied about once holding a gun in his soft, feminine hands, the Whitehouse released a photo which appears to show that he is a pansy-ass gun-hating nimrod who lies about virtually everything but who may have actually fired a gun. Once.
But the Whitehouse press release turned out to be a significant misfire owing to harsh legal language attached to the picture: "This official White House photograph is being made available only for publication by news organizations. The photograph may not be manipulated in any way and may not be used in commercial or political materials."
In other words, nobody is supposed to mock Barry "Full Load" Soetoro by photoshopping him to look like more of an idiot than usual. And predictably, the Internet went nuts - with virtually every conservative website posting their own versions of Obama's shotgun fantasy picture.
All of which is good fun...but troubling questions remain. For starters, if the photograph was taken by an official Whitehouse photographer (as opposed to some stranger allowed to hang around the president with guns present), isn't it safe to assume that those photographs are being paid for by taxpayers and are therefore in the public domain?
And isn't it more than a little hypocritical for Barry to declare that his image is off limits for political commentary, considering his own campaign cronies manipulated images of Mitt Romney to make him look like some kind of carcinogenic Antichrist?
And why should the photograph be made freely available for hiney-licking "news organizations" but not for the rabble? When did our rights of expression become less than those of MSNBC?
In any event, we expect Joe Biden will soon be made head of another fact-finding commission, tasked with finding ways to reduce our nation's grim plague of Photoshop-related tragedies.
Actually, we can think of a certain birth certificate which might be a good place for him to start.