Saturday, October 16, 2010

The Hole Truth



Leave it to mouth-foaming, leg-tingling Chris Matthews to find a way to turn the "feel good" news story of the year into an anti-conservative tirade.

Watching the near-miraculous rescue of the Chilean miners who had been trapped underground for 69 days, Matthews suddenly declared that if they had followed the Tea Party's "every man for himself" philosophy, they wouldn't have gotten out alive...and then trumped himself by declaring that the miners "would have been killing each other after about two days."

Matthews arrived at this pithy observation based on his assessment that the Tea Party's belief system is "No more taxes, no more government, no more everything. No more safety net. No more health care for everybody. Everybody just get out there, make your buck, save it, screw the government, move on."

He forgot to mention "Kill and eat the weak," which apparently turns up regularly on Tea Partier's signs in Mr. Matthews feverish hallucinations.

But the truth is that the Chilean rescue actually has much more in common with the Tea Party's principles than those of the liberals. Far beneath the surface of the Earth, the miners were given jobs and schedules...because they knew that idleness would lead to lack of strength and hope. They additionally drew resolve from faith and family...which aren't exactly liberal party platforms.

And as Daniel Henninger brilliantly points out in the Wall Street Journal, it was quite literally capitalism which saved the miners, owing to technologies that were developed not by governments or unions...but by private companies which were seeking profits (gasp!) through innovation.

Hope n' Change is grateful for the safe return of the Chilean miners. And we must admit that we're enjoying seeing liberals like Matthews dig themselves into a much deeper hole than ever held those brave men for 69 days.

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Friday, October 15, 2010

Still Shoveling



If it's true that a sucker is born every minute, Barack Obama is not only the "man of the hour," he's quite possibly either the biggest sucker...or biggest con-artist...of the century.

How else to explain his recent admission that "there's no such thing as a shovel-ready project," after spending nearly a
trillion taxpayer dollars on these figments of his imagination?

While disappointed to admit that investing in non-existent shovel-ready jobs was perhaps the
most expensive financial blunder in history, the president has a number of solid fallback plans with which to bolster the U.S. economy.

He's directed Michelle Obama and "those fat kids" to plant money trees in the Whitehouse garden... Obamacare dental clinics are collecting teeth to put under the president's pillow for the tooth fairy... and a nationwide search is taking place for geese which lay golden eggs (although there's concern that members of the president's party may immediately kill them to get the "gold inside.")

And as for the $800 billion spent on shovels, well...they'll soon be used to bury the political careers of a
lot of Democrats.


Keep shoveling; it will take 11,407,945 years.
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Thursday, October 14, 2010

A Riled and Crazy Guy



In a thoughtful interview with the always-impartial NY Times, Barack Obama announced that he expects Republicans to be far more willing to work with him following the midterm elections and, by implication, that he still enjoys pot, booze, and a little blow when he can afford it.

According to the alleged president's alleged reasoning, there are two possible scenarios which would mean that Republicans would work with him after mopping the floor with lesser Democrats around the country.

In the first scenario, the Republicans will feel a sense of shame if their election returns "didn’t do as well as they anticipated, and so the strategy of just saying no to everything and sitting on the sidelines and throwing bombs didn’t work for them.” On a side note to the president, we'll point out that people can't be sitting on the sidelines and throwing bombs, although this does help explain the president's "we promise to leave right after the surge" war strategy.

In the president's second scenario, the Republicans will do "reasonably well (at the polls), in which case the American people are going to be looking to them to offer serious proposals and work with me in a serious way.”

Apparently Obama is missing the third and most likely scenario: that from Day One, newly elected Republicans will have their hands full repealing everything that Obama has done to this country for two years.

Still, you have to give the president credit for his bizarre optimism. Or perhaps give credit to whoever is supplying his high quality mood enhancers.

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Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Must Sharia TV



The only thing stranger than an American network introducing a children's show about Muslim superheros who "embody the attributes of Allah," would be if that program was enthusiastically endorsed by...you guessed it!...Barack Hussein Obama.

"The 99," which will be shown on the cable network "The Hub" (formerly "Discovery Kids") features 99 Muslim superheros, each one of whom represents a single attribute of Allah. Among the heros is a "Hulk" knockoff named Jabbar, a super-fast character named Mumita, and a heroine who wears a head-to-toe black burqa and is known appropriately as "Batina the Hidden," whose power is presumably to scare bank tellers and make people in airports suddenly decide to give up their travel plans.

In a meeting with Arab entrepreneurs, Barack Hussein Obama (who, like other superheros, guards his true secret identity) praised the comic series which inspired the show, saying the "superheroes embody the teachings of the tolerance of Islam."

Frankly, we're not sure why you need a guy who looks like The Hulk to teach tolerance; it sounds a lot more like intimidation. But if the "education" president says this is good for our kids, then it must be good for our kids...and we think they should watch!

As long as the boys (Allah be praised!) watch in one room...and the dreadful little girls watch in another.

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Able to leap formerly tall buildings in a single bound.
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Tuesday, October 12, 2010

2020 Vision



Following reports that the U.S. economy shed another 95,000 jobs last month, experts finally came up with some encouraging employment news: if hiring trends continue at their current pace, all the jobs lost in this Recession will be recovered...by March, 2020.

And while that's great news for everyone who doesn't starve, go crazy, or lose their job skills over the next decade, it's not exactly the inspirational message that the Democrats want the public to hear just before elections...
especially if it causes voters to ask why $800 billion worth of "shovel ready jobs" failed to create even a blip on the unemployment radar.

In the meanwhile, many jobless Americans will have to cut their personal expenses in half if they hope to make it to the year 2020.

And unfortunately, time
doesn't fly when your halving funds.
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The future ain't what it used to be.
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Monday, October 11, 2010

Completing The Shaft



There was good news this weekend when rescuers finished drilling a "rescue shaft" to 33 Chilean miners who have been trapped underground since August 5th. Following safety tests and inspections, it is hoped that the miners can be pulled to freedom within the next few days - far earlier than the previous estimations that they would be stuck until early November.

Sadly, November is still the earliest rescue date for Americans who are still trapped beneath the Democratic super-majority. But while waiting for their freedom, the Americans have kept up their spirits, worked hard on exercising their rights, and have maintained a healthy diet of real news and plenty of Tea.

Whether we're talking about Chilean miners or incumbent Democrats, we can't wait for them to be out...at which point we'll finally be able to enjoy a deep, restorative breath of fresh air.

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Sunday, October 10, 2010

You Want A Peace Of Me?!



It was exactly one year ago that Barack Hussein Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize - not because of anything he'd done, but because hopes were so high that he would create peace with his promises to speak reasonably and without preconditions to any politicians in the world, including blood-drenched anti-American lunatics.

Now, Obama's "year to create peace" has passed...and not only has the
world gone to hell in a handbasket, but the president and his administration are now personally threatening politicians in our own capitol with physical violence.

Vice president Joe Biden told an audience that "if I hear one more Republican tell me about balancing the budget, I'm going to strangle them."

Not to be outdone, Barack Obama has declared that "a Republican majority in Congress would mean hand-to-hand combat for the next two years."

Of course, the Republicans aren't exactly
worried about these threats, which can only be compared to being warned of a potential ass-kicking from Pee-Wee Herman and Barney Fife.

Meanwhile, the Nobel Prize Committee is undoubtedly and justifiably embarrassed by their gullibility in believing the president's meaningless promises. Which is why
next year's peace prize should be for "No Bull."
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When the going gets tough, getting tough gets hilarious.
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