Saturday, February 18, 2012

It's Back! The HnC Wristwatch - 2 for $14!

Did you miss out on the chance to buy a limited edition Hope n' Change "Horse's Ass" wristwatch (as Seen On TV) last year? Have you been weeping bitter salt tears ever since? Well, dry your eyes - because you've got another chance!

First, a little backstory. The watches are made by a company called Artscow which is based in Hong Kong, and they periodically offer ridiculously cheap deals on custom wristwatches. And that's when I share the deal with you. I don't make a dime, I'm not involved as a middleman, and this is all just for fun.

The current deal is two (count 'em!), TWO wristwatches for just $14 including shipping by really slow tramp steamer from the other side of the world. Seriously, the shipping is s-l-o-w. But
unlike the US Postal Service, it's also free.

And the watches are, honest to gosh, quite attractive and actually keep time. The design takes Barack Obama's "Hope and Change" logo and updates it for accuracy by putting a
huge horse's ass at the center of things - just like in Washington DC! Talk about a great conversation starter!

The men's watch is hefty enough to be used as brass knuckles in particularly heated political debates (although
that would be wrong, that's for sure!) and the women's watch is elegant and tasteful and would look lovely on Sarah Palin's wrist.

Here are the ordering instructions, and
please pay attention to all of them. You can click here for the men's watch, or click here for the women's watch and add them to your cart. You can mix and match if you like, but you need to get two watches (or multiples of two - no limit) for the all-important DISCOUNT CODE to work. At checkout, enter the coupon code 214WATCHES, and you should see your total cost including shipping drop to a preposterous $14. (Offer expires 2/29/2012)

Note that I make no guarantees about the longevity of watches which cost $7 each, and that I can't help with any customer service issues (though let me hasten to add that I've purchased a lot of different items from Artscow and have always been very pleased with the quality).

Some of you may be asking, "Stilton- If you just gave away hundreds of copies of
Obama Sutra for free, and you're offering these watches at cost without making any money, what's in it for you?"

And the answer is, like George Bailey in "It's A Wonderful Life," if I've helped in a small way for
hundreds of people to flip the bird at Barack Obama, then I'm the richest man in town!


Friday, February 17, 2012

Both Hard To Swallow

Parents across the nation were shocked this week by the story of a preschool child whose home-packed lunch was inspected by a government lunchbag inspector (see, there were "jobs created or saved!"), deemed dangerously non-nutritious, and replaced with a healthy, well-balanced, taxpayer-subsidized lunch which the child wouldn't eat (except for 3 chicken nuggets).

The offending meal (apparently prepared by an abusive, child-hating mother) was a turkey & cheese sandwich, some chips, a box of apple juice...and a banana for dessert. If she had included a "Happy Meal" toy, she'd be in Guantanamo Bay by now.

Many people now think that the government is getting much too intrusive when its agents are reaching into children's lunchbags, and believe they should instead restrict themselves to more benign activities like reaching into children's underpants before they can board an aircraft.

But in the government's view, meal-planning is far too important and complex an issue to be left in the hands of ordinary people (unlike family-planning, which they assume any idiot can handle).

That's why besides putting the Goodie Gestapo in schools, they've also issued tough new nutritional guidelines intended to cut down on the consumption of things like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, basically putting George Washington Carver in the same historical category as Lucretia Borgia and other famous poisoners.

But perhaps Hope n' Change is being too cynical about this. Perhaps the government really does care about keeping little children healthy enough to live long, productive lives. And they'd better. After all, those kids are the ones who'll have to pay off Barack Obama's skyrocketing deficits.

So it's important that they be denied the food that "sticks to the roof of your mouth" which was developed by a former slave...Because the president who can't stick to a debt ceiling has already sold them into being future slaves.


Wednesday, February 15, 2012

A Big Teaming Load

As mother-of-the-year Hillary Clinton once reminded us, "It Takes a Village" to raise a child. Or for that matter, to satisfy a horndog husband who never met a knothole he didn't consider buying a drink for.

But raising a child is one thing...and raising Barack Obama's disastrous approval ratings is quite another. Which is why it's not going to take a village, but a bun
ch of village idiots - two million of them, in fact!

That's the number of people that the Obama Reelection Campaign is pressing into service to serve on the newly-announced "Truth Teams," which will be dispatched to politically vulnerable areas to "get in the faces" of people who don't believe that the president walks on water and need a stern talking to if they want to avoid getting beaten by Black Panther poll-watchers on election day.

The "Truth Team" is focusing on three major areas: will defend against false attacks and wild rumors like "Obama just submitted a budget so out-of-whack that every family in America now owes $70,000 more to the government than they did when he was elected."

The "Truth Team's" branch will make sure that voters know the real facts about GOP candidates' records, including the exact number of wheelchair-bound Medicare recipients who have been pushed over cliffs by laughing Republicans. They're also pretty sure that Rick Santorum burns witches.

The third "Truth Team" group is, which will make sure everyone knows that Obama has lived up to all of his campaign promises, including balancing the budget, restoring the economy and job market, creating the greatest sense of bipartisanship in political history, completely ending racism, and raising "transparency" to new heights by sharing all of the inner workings of major operations like "Fast & Furious" (as well as all of his college, medical, and travel records).

Of course, the "Truth Teams" won't be the ONLY way for voters to get the 100% pure, unvarnished truth about important political matters. For instance, they can get the straight poop from - a completely nonpartisan organization (so nonpartisan that they even h
ave tax-exempt status, unlike you) which analyses the news for bias, then sets the record straight. Of course, it's recently been discovered that Media Matters is working directly (and until now, secretly) with the Whitehouse, created a plan to destroy Fox News through well-funded attacks, and essentially makes up crap which they hand off to NBC, MSNBC, and many liberal newspapers which report their BS as fact.

But how could the Whitehouse or the people who trusted Media Matters know that they were fakers and liars? After all, even well-respected liberal websites like Obama Myth Busters have been accused of being decoys planted by devious conservatives.

It all gets so confusing thank goodness we now have two million members of the "Truth Team" to pound on our doors, call our phones, and otherwise try to distract us from paying attention to what is really going on as Barack Obama tries to destroy our families, our economy, our future, and our nation.

And that, team, is the real truth.

Hint: To get on the Truth Team, any of the answers is right except "A."

Monday, February 13, 2012

Happy VD Mr. President! (Valentine's Day)


Since Barack Obama has decided to give lovers the gift of "free" birth control this Valentine's Day (while telling Catholics and Constitutionalists to go screw themselves), we here at Hope n' Change have decided to help make that birth control fun to use by giving away genuinely free copies of "The Obama Sutra - An Illustrated Guide to 57 States of Ecstasy" all day on Valentine's Day only! (NOT MONDAY, and NOT WEDNESDAY. Just TUESDAY.)

The idea is to send a very special valentine to Barack Obama on Tuesday by making the book a free bestseller on Amazon for 24 hours. Think of our message as sort of a love letter - as in "we'd love for you to be voted out of office!"

For this to work, we want each and every one of you to do two things:

• Download a
free copy of "Obama Sutra" on Valentine's Day (for your Kindle, or any computer or smartphone using the free Kindle reader apps). It doesn't even matter if you intend to read it. Hey, it's free!

• Tell at least one other person about the offer or, better still, post the information on Twitter, Facebook, or other social network site.

As a quick reminder, "Obama Sutra - An Illustrated Guide to 57 States of Ecstasy" is a funny book filled with 57 different cartoonish "passion positions" (the illustrations are mildly bawdy and not explicit) based on sexually suggestive phrases like "Fast & Furious," "Lead From Behind," "Stimulus Package," and "The Audacity of Soap." In fact, it turns out that there's hardly anything Obama says which doesn't sound like an uncomfortable and potentially painful bedroom act.

And while the cartoons are funny, there's also a glossary which gives thumbnail explanations of the actual quotes and news stories behind each phrase...which makes the book a very handy and factual collection of 57 reasons we MUST vote Obama out of office in November.

You can find out more about the book by visiting, or just go straight to Amazon and download the Kindle version for free (but remember, ONLY on Tuesday, Valentine's Day).

We'll be watching the numbers on Amazon on Tuesday, and will let you know how high we were able to push the ranking. With luck, we
can make ourselves heard in the Whitehouse on Valentine's Day!

Thank you - and
spread the word! -Stilt

Please cut-and-paste one or more of these ads to share on Facebook or Twitter
throughout the day on Valentine's Day!

UPDATE 1:30 pm - Obama Sutra is the #1 Free Political Humor book on Amazon, and is skyrocketing up in the ranks of other categories. It's working! Please keep downloading and sharing the free deal with others before midnight (Pacific time) tonight!

UPDATE 3:30 pm - "Obama Sutra" is flying out the door by the hundreds, and has climbed over 1000 slots in overall Amazon rankings! Currently, we're just short of 500 downloads today - but there's plenty of time left to break that goal and hit higher ones (and probably a few people you haven't sent the link to yet!) I'm having a ton of fun, and am grateful to all of you who are making this happen!

Eat your heart out, Bill Maher!