Saturday, March 19, 2011

HnC Vault: Mr. Popularity

Originally published August 2, 2010



Poor Barack Obama. First he didn't get an invitation to Chelsea Clinton's wedding ("It's going to ve a very small, inexpensive ceremony," Hillary told him. "Just six people, and afterwards we're going to Cici's pizza for the buffet.")

And now, Congressional Democrats are telling the alleged president that the best way he can help them get re-elected is by staying far, far away.

Considering the stress of all these rejections, the president should consider treating himself to a relaxing first-class, five-star, taxpayer-funded luxury vacation in Spain with Michelle!

Oh, that's right.

She's going without him.




3/19/2011 Update - I chose this cartoon for the weekend rotation for several reasons. First and foremost, the snub from Hillary about Chelsea's wedding was nothing compared to Mrs. Clinton's definitive statement this week that she wouldn't work under Obama during a second term, in any position, for any reason. Insiders suggest she can no longer tolerate the president's inability to make a decision or take a stand on matters of international importance.

But the cartoon is additionally relevant because since it first appeared, Mr. Obama has also been snubbed for an invitation to the Royal Wedding in England, and there has been a 90% drop in requests for the alleged president to speak at high school commencements.

Oddly enough, when Obama is enthusiastically invited somewhere, he refuses to go. For instance, his presence (actual or even rhetorical) was requested by the people of Iran, the people of Egypt, and the people of Libya...but the president stood them up.

Which is why his popularity, and America's image, continues to plummet.

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Friday, March 18, 2011

Brazil Nut



Today, a radioactive cloud will arrive in the United States...and Barack Obama will hightail it out of the country. Which, on the balance, makes it a good day for America.

Unfortunately, the radioactivity will be an ongoing situation, but the alleged president is expected to return in a few days, after tending to economic matters in Brazil which are apparently more urgent than Japan's disasters, Gaddaffi finishing off Libyan rebels while the U.N. debates what color stationery they should pick for sending their belatedly-passed "no fly zone" resolution, and our own government continues to be funded (with borrowed money) for only three weeks.

While in Brazil, Mr. Obama will be sharing his vast economic and business expertise with chief executives of companies that
already know how to make things and earn money, after which he will try to wake up the crowd by making balloon animals. Shortly thereafter, the president will fly to a neighboring country where Secret Service agents have told him (trying to keep straight faces) that he will be meeting with Chile's President Con Carne.

But as pointless as this trip seems at first glance, it will actually accomplish a
very important goal for the president. Specifically, it gives him six days in which he won't have to answer any questions about why his administration has taken so little action in the face of a world that is going to hell.


For anyone who didn't know, this is a Brazilian Wax.
Trust us, you didn't want to Google it.

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Thursday, March 17, 2011

The Wearing of the Grin



Last year at this time, Barack O'bama celebrated St. Patrick's Day by traveling to Ireland in search of his family roots. No, really.

But on this St. Patrick's Day, there are crises in Japan, Libya, Bahrain, and Congress...meaning the president needs to focus his full attentions on packing beachwear and sunscreen for his trip to Rio de Janeiro tomorrow.

But St. Patrick's Day isn't being ignored by everyone in the Whitehouse... because Michelle O'bama has officially announced that she's requested shamrock seeds for the Whitehouse garden.

Oh sure, she could just plant the living shamrock (with real Irish roots) which is presented to the president by the Irish Prime Minister every St. Patrick's Day... except that shamrock is always destroyed because of "security protocol" to protect Mr. O'bama. In case it's one of those radical clovers which is wearing a little bomb vest or something.

But for now, let's put our cares aside and celebrate the day when all of us are Irish (my family name was O'Jarlsberg until they got to Ellis Island). Happy Saint Patrick's Day to all readers of Hope n' Change, and may all of your shamrocks be non-lethal!


Wednesday, March 16, 2011

March Madness



After assuring the world that he was "heartbroken" about the devastation in Japan, Barack Obama went golfing and delivered a comedy monologue for the Gridiron Press Club. Later, he used the entirety of his weekly radio address to talk about possible government actions to address the serious, urgent crisis in...pay inequality for women.

But today, all of that is changing. Because today the president will appear on national television...to give his NCAA College Basketball picks (having actually taped this crucially important announcement yesterday).

Hope n' Change could have a lengthy editorial today about presidential appearances and priorities, about allies and alliances, and about simple human decency and compassion. But frankly, we don't have the time, strength, or the inclination to document the fact that Barack Obama is a soulless bastard.

Especially since it's not necessary to explain anything which is now appallingly obvious to the entire world.



YOU CAN HELP: Text the words "Japan" or "Quake" to 80888
to make a $10 donation to the Salvation Army's relief efforts
in Japan.
Click picture above for no-obligation information.
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Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Black and Blue



Attorney General Eric Holder famously (if not tactfully) called America "a nation of cowards" when it comes to discussing race honestly. Which is why we're sure he'll appreciate our honesty in saying that his brand of racism is entirely unacceptable.

Holder recently defended his decision not to prosecute Black Panthers who were threatening white voters by saying that the uniformed, nightstick wielding thugs were "my people." And sticking to his theme, Holder is now bending the law to put a lot more Blacks into uniform, and not only equip them with nightsticks... but also tasers, revolvers, and shotguns.

Specifically, the Department of Justice found that the Dayton police department had too few African-Americans...because not enough of them could pass the basic entrance exams. It wasn't exactly a lofty bar: there are two tests, and passing only required scores of 66% and 72%...until Holder got involved and ordered them to lower the bar. Now, applicants can get in with scores of 58% and 63%, which previously would have been an "F" and a "D." The policy change is so ludicrous, even the head of Dayton's NAACP is saying it's a bad idea and refuses to support it.

According to Dayton's president of the Fraternal Order of Police, "It becomes a safety issue to have an incompetent officer next to you in a life and death situation." No - really?

But as this administration has shown time and time again...at the Fort Hood massacre, in promoting women in the military without battlefield experience, and now on the streets of Dayton...they believe "diversity" is much more important than life and death, not to mention the law.

An opinion which should be acceptable only to a nation of cowards.

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Monday, March 14, 2011

Bully Pulpit



It seems a president's work is never done. At least, not by this president - who is largely ignoring the ongoing tragedy in Japan and the escalating carnage in Libya, but recently found time to kick off the government's "anti-bullying" campaign with heartrending tales from his own childhood.

At an event kicking off the new, taxpayer funded StopBullying.gov the alleged president says he "feels the pain of those who have been bullied." He then added, "I have to say, with big ears and the name that I have (
Barack Barry Hussein Soetoro Obama), I wasn't immune."

But frankly, we
doubt his story. His ears weren't that freaking big and at the time he was living in Hawaii, where many kids have names like Kamehameha, Mekawiwi, and Pupuhahahahaha. No, if kids were going to tease him, it would more likely have been about being abandoned by a father who was a no-legged, alcoholic bigamist. Or perhaps kids might have mocked him for his odd habit of washing his feet five times a day. But since Obama didn't mention it, those things probably didn't happen.

So we think the president is probably just
making things up to help support a noble (and well-funded) cause: anti-bullying.

Because seriously, who cares more about stopping bullying than a man who routinely calls conservatives ugly names...and has declared he's going to
take our health insurance money or beat us up?


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Sunday, March 13, 2011

HnC Vault: Janet Napolitano

Originally published May 29, 2009



Despite Napolitano's assertion that the real threat to America comes from, oh, readers of Hope n' Change, it turns out that radical muslims with C4 explosives and a stinger missile can be a problem too. No doubt they're just angry from the bad old days when they were being unfairly profiled...

Update 3/13/11 - This cartoon was plucked from the wayback machine for a couple of reasons. One is that Congress is finally having hearings about the potential (ha!) dangers of Islamic radicalism as it may relate to terror. Better very, very late than never.

The second reason is because Janet Napolitano has always been vocal about the dangers of "domestic terrorists," but had previously identified the likely suspects (per the link above) as Americans who are military veterans, who oppose abortion, oppose restrictions on firearms, oppose illegal immigration, are suspect of foreign regimes, fear Communism, are upset with the loss of American jobs, and who bemoan the "decline of U.S. stature in the world."

Thank goodness none of us fall into one of those crazy, radical categories, huh?

Meanwhile, the people who are the exact opposite of everything listed above just sent serious death threats to Wisconsin's Republican State Senators, perhaps inspired by the growing "climate of hate" woven by Michael Moore's declaration of war, and Jesse Jackson's call for revolution.

Where is your call for words that heal, Mr. Obama? What is Homeland Security doing about this, Ms. Napolitano?
Oh wait...I guess if the death threats are coming from your side, it's okay. Never mind.
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