Secretary of Statements

Following the abduction of hundreds of Nigerian schoolgirls by radical Islamic terrorists who are selling the girls into lives of nightmarish torture and sex slavery,  Secretary of State John Kerry delivered a blistering speech in Ethiopia about the most despicable and unacceptable aspect of the kidnappers: "They don't offer a health care plan."

Apparently believing that he's involved in some kind of election debate against the murderous group Boko Haram (not to be confused with Procol Harum whose classic hit "Whiter Shade of Pale" was about Kerry's wealthy social circle), Kerry reeled off a list of the terrorists' failings: "They don't offer a health care plan, they don't offer schools. They don't tell you how to build a nation, they don't talk about how they will provide jobs. They just tell people, 'you have to behave the way we tell you to,' and they will punish you if you don't."

Of course, under the Obama administration millions are losing their healthcare plans, schools are in the dumper, we can't build an oil pipeline - let alone rebuild our nation, and "telling us" about providing jobs hasn't provided any jobs. And as far as punishing people who don't behave as they're told, we'll simply mention those shiny new fines for those who don't have health insurance and - oh yeah - the scandalous IRS slash and burn campaign to cripple conservative free speech.

But let's get back to the horrifying situation being faced by those kidnapped schoolgirls. With a real life-and-death "War on Women" staring the Obama administration in the face, just what are they doing to provide help?

Actually, not very damn much. They're sending a handful of "communications experts," who hopefully haven't been recruited to set up a new Healthcare.gov website that will make it "easy-peasy" (in the words of Valerie Jarrett) for the terrorists to choose between bronze, silver, and gold healthcare plans for their young victims.

Additionally, members of the Obama administration are taking part in an aggressive, no holds barred, social media campaign consisting entirely of posting "selfies" on Twitter while holding cardboard signs that say "#BringBackOurGirls."  Michelle Obama herself has posted such a picture, which is ironic considering she drags her own daughters out of their homeland as often as possible and refuses to "bring them back" until she's blown through tens of millions of taxpayer dollars.

The hate-filled Islamists of Boko Haram are intent on destroying Western values wherever they find them - and destroying the lives and innocence of young schoolgirls for the simple cruel pleasure and financial benefits of doing so. These monsters deserve a harsh and highly-kinetic justice administered without mercy.

Just for starters, Secretary Kerry, we'd like to suggest hellfire missiles rather than inane healthcare speeches.

Remember, terrorists - only YOU can make Michelle smile again.

Wednesday Double Header

 High Marx in Science

Barack Obama, speaking to a group of bowtie-wearing TV weathermen (unlike the underground, bomb-throwing, cop killing weathermen like Bill Ayers who launched Barry's political career), announced the coming apocalyptic end of the world owing to global climate warming, or climate change, or weathery deviation, or attack glaciers, or tsunamis made angry by Youtube videos, or hurricanes protesting the fact that they earn less then himmicanes.

Fortunately, the president plans to issue magic executive orders which will save the planet by raising taxes, closing businesses, cutting off energy supplies to United States citizens, giving hundreds of millions of dollars to Democrat donors with imaginary "green energy" companies and, in a nod to his allegedly Hawaiian roots, throwing capitalists into active volcanoes.

He would have called for throwing in virgins but, thanks to the initiatives of the Left, they're all gone.

And This Just In And Out

Just in time to bump news stories about the Benghazi scandals, White House obstructionism and lies, and a high-powered highly motivated new investigative Select Committee headed by Trey Gowdy, Monica Lewinsky has flounced her way back into the spotlight for another 15 minutes of infamy.

Monica has granted an extensive interview to Vanity Fair magazine about the extremely serious topics of blowjobbery and dry cleaning, which is way more fun for the media to report than another recounting of Ambassador Chris Stevens' dull old murder and sodomizing.

Interestingly, Monica claims "my boss took advantage of me" but then oxymoronically states that there was no "abuse" until he made her a political scapegoat. Still, it's nice for bosses to now have it "on the record" that taking sexual advantage of their female underlings isn't abuse.

Which goes hand in hand (and cigar in the vajayjay) with Bill Clinton's advice to our nation's youth that oral sex isn't sex at all, even if it can spread disease, destroy reputations, break up real marriages (hint, hint), and cripple a presidency...allowing little "accidents" to happen like a preoccupied Slick Willy saying "no thanks" when, prior to September 11, 2001, he was offered Osama Bin Laden tied up in a bow.

Is Hope n' Change really suggesting that the World Trade Center went down at Ground Zero because Monica went down on Bill Clinton? As a matter of fact, we think it's a real possibility. Which is why we wish Ms. Lewinsky had the good sense to stay gone from the public spotlight.

Trust us, Monica - you don't need to suck any more air out of the news cycle. You've sucked enough already.

Inner Circle Jerk

Considering that Hope n' Change Cartoons is dedicated to finding a little humor (albeit frequently mordant, sick, or gallows humor) in the news, it may seem surprising that we have such strong distaste for the annual White House Correspondents Association dinner, at which the president and alleged journalists roast each other with jokes.

But that's because there's nothing funny about the destruction done by this administration with the complete cooperation of the news media. When this inner circle gathers to make jokes, they're really laughing at the great unwashed citizenry who aren't in on their big incestuous game of charades.

The acts of this government and the complicit media have a huge impact on our lives, livelihoods, and loved ones. And while Barry, his one-percenter Hollywood pals, and the news media sip champagne...the rest of us endure real pain.

Which, in the eyes of these "elites," makes us the biggest joke in Washington.