Friday, March 9, 2012

Abbott & CostOverRuns

It's a good thing that Vaudeville is dead...because otherwise it would need to get it's medical treatment from Obamacare and be really screwed - just like the rest of us.

As a case in point, Health and Human Services Secretary (and editor-in-chief of the new King Barry Catholic Bible) Kathleen Sebelius just appeared before Congress to answer questions about the all-encompassing healthcare program, and showed a lack of understanding (or unwillingness to share honest answers) which should terrify every American.

When asked about new figures which show that, rather than saving $143 billion dollars in 10 years, Obamacare will actually add $54 billion to the deficit, Sebelius just stammered that she didn't have those numbers available.

When it was pointed out that Obama promised insurance premiums would drop $2500 per family, but those premium have actually gone up by $2200 per family, Sebelius said that it's because the "affordable" markets Obama envisioned (or more likely imagined) haven't occurred yet. Oh!

Well, how about Obama's sacred promise that "if you like your doctor or healthcare plan, you can keep it. Period. Case closed." The only way this can currently happen is if the Obama administration gives you a waiver - and those waivers are only going to political cronies. Sebelius was quick with her answer: "I have no idea what waivers you're talking about."

Okay, then how about the CBO's estimate that at least a million Americans will lose their employer insurance plans because of Obamacare? While other experts estimate the number to be far higher, saying 30-50% of all Americans will lose their employer insurance. Sebelius basically blew off the CBO's figures and refused to her alleged area of expertise.

Since Obamacare is the biggest government program ever, and one which will forever change the health and freedoms of every American, you'd think that the stumbling, fumbling, disingenuous performance by Ms. Sebelius - coupled with the increasingly disastrous cost projections - would be pretty big news.

Until you realize that Vaudeville isn't really dead after all; it's just moved to MSM News Shows, taking its seltzer bottles, pies in the face, over-the-top performances, and carefully scripted comedy bits with it.

"Who's a slut?" is our new "Who's on first" routine. But this time, it's the people performing onstage who are laughing at us.


Wednesday, March 7, 2012

When Life Gives You Electric Lemons...

Hopefully, we're nearing the end of the news cycles in which we'll hear about Sandra Fluke's, tale...that she can't afford birth control. Or rather that she can afford it, but doesn't think it's fairzy-wairzy for her to pay for it when there are still rich people eating hot meals and sleeping indoors.
Frankly, Hope n' Change is beyond sick of all this nonsense. At yesterday's news conference, when Barack Obama could have been talking about knifing Israel in the back, the job market from Hell, and the ongoing search for a number bigger than "trillions" to describe the debts he's running up, reporters instead asked him for his opinion of Rush Limbaugh referring to Ms. Fluke as a "slut" (for which Rush subsequently apologized).

"I thought about Malia and Sasha," the president answered - although why the word "slut" made him think of them is none of our business. Hey, he's the one who suggests they could be "punished with a baby" for sleeping around - we don't even know them!

The president added that if his girls are ever called before Congress to testify (which we're giving better than even odds), he wouldn't "want them attacked or called horrible names when they’re being good citizens."

Unlike Sarah Palin, presumably, who was called a "c*nt" and "tw*t" by Bill Maher, who just gave Barry $1 million with which to run attack ads on Republicans. Of course, there's NO WAY that Obama would keep money from a man who thinks so little of women (like his wife and daughters), so he's giving it all back. When Hell freezes over.

But for now, since there are really no big issues facing the nation other than the occasional use of coarse language, Barack Obama has agreed to school us all in civility...and says he'll do so through "leading by example."

No doubt so that the people he sneeringly calls "teabaggers" will learn some manners.


Million-dollar Obama donor Bill Maher makes another point about civility.

Monday, March 5, 2012

The Gandhi Man Can

Never one to be shy about proclaiming his own inflated sense of wonderfulness, Barack "Two Autobiographies" Obama recently compared himself to Mahatma Gandhi at yet another high dollar fundraising event.

Specifically, he invoked the names of Gandhi and Nelson Mandela to say that he was like them in the sense that they both took a long, long time to finally accomplish their goals...and that the president is therefore following in their historic footprints by
not having gotten much of anything accomplished yet either. It's the sort of spinning which would make even a Whirling Dervish reach for the Dramamine.

Hope n' Change is willing to accept the comparison of Mr. Obama to Gandhi because, unlike the president's young speechwriters who are only familiar with the history they've seen in movies, we know a little more about the leathery little man's rather quirky peccadilloes.

For instance, he really did drink his own urine every day, believing it to be healthy if not exactly minty fresh. For recreation, he frequently beat the living hell out of his wife - believing that non-violence was a great policy to preach to the world, but of very little use in personal relationships.

While not unwilling to have extramarital sex (in fact, almost
only extramarital sex) with his groupies of all ages, Gandhi occasionally felt the need to prove his ability to overcome carnal urges by sleeping with naked young girls in his bed and trying to resist them. A practice which the "Never Say No To Sex" Democrats would surely find abhorrent.

But Gandhi was, above all, a rebel. For instance, he completely disregarded the old saying
"with friends like these, who needs enemas?" Because the great man absolutely loved getting enemas and needed lots of them. And it was considered a huge honor when he chose one of his followers to insert the tube in his rectum.

Truthfully, we don't know how many of these practices Mr. Obama subscribes to. Although if he decides that he does need help with that enema, we'd be willing to do our patriotic duty and give the tube a little shove.

Wait, did we say
tube? We meant the Keystone XL pipeline.