Saturday, May 22, 2010

Guest Lecturer

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This week, Barack Obama played host to Mexican president Felipe Calderon, and the two took to the Whitehouse Rose Garden to make twin speeches attacking Arizona as racist for attempting to enforce federal immigation laws.

Recent analysis of the Arizona law has pointed out that it actually does
more to protect against racial profiling than the existing federal law does. But that doesn't fit in with the false and defaming narrative of hate being promoted by Obama and Calderon.

The Mexican president then went on to address a joint session of Congress and, when he again attacked Arizona, he got a standing ovation from the Democrats - including Eric "I Haven't Read It" Holder, Janet "I Haven't Read It" Napolitano, and Joe "Everyone's Standing So I Guess I Should Too" Biden.

All of these people, including (and especially) Barack Obama, are endorsing hate speech and actively encouraging an unrestrained, country-destroying crime wave.

Which, we suppose, made Felipe Calderon feel right at home.

Friday, May 21, 2010

The Aunt Goes Marching

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Barack Obama's Kenyan aunt, Zeituni Onyango, has been living illegally (and in public housing) in the United States since she ignored a deportation order in 2004. But in a new immigration hearing which is completely and totally unrelated to her nephew being the alleged president, Aunt Zeituni has been given political asylum, a path to citizenship, continuing income and healthcare from taxpayers because...because...

Well, we can't tell you. It's a secret. No, really!

Behind closed doors, Obama's aunt said something to a judge...and he decided that it would be a damn good idea to quickly declare Aunt Zeituni's case a winner (even though in 2004, her case for political asylum was rejected) and throw a veil of confidentiality over the whole thing.

We don't know for sure that her revelation had anything to do with Obama's birth certificate. All we do know is that her secret is now locked away in the same safety deposit box.

According to Whitehouse spokesman Robert Gibbs, Obama didn't help his aunt at trial. And the only conceivable reason we should believe that is the fact that Barack has never done anything remotely nice for any of his family members who live in abject poverty.

And why would he? After all, Obama - who is a great proponent of "fairness" when it comes to sharing other people's wealth - only earned $5.6 million in royalties last year from the books he wrote...about Aunt Zeituni, her half-brother, and the profound importance of his African roots and family.

But Hope n' Change isn't really concerned about dear old Aunt Zeituni staying in America. After all, if we only get the chance to deport one member of her extended family, we have someone else in mind.


Bonus: An excerpt from the Sesame Street episode you'll never see on TV...

Three of these things belong together
Three of these things are kind of the same
Can you guess which one of these doesn't belong here?
Now it's time to play our game, time to play our game!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Mistaken Ideity

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After the creators of "South Park" had their lives threatened for showing someone who might
have been Mohammed completely hidden inside a goofy bear costume, a Seattle artist tried to show support for them by making a cartoon about "Everybody Draw Mohammed Day," to take place on May 20th.

The point of her cartoon was that artists could draw anything (like, say, a cup of coffee or a box of pasta with a smiley face) and still be accused of blasphemy even if the picture looked nothing like Mohammed.

The idea for "Everybody Draw Mohammed Day" really caught on...which is why the artist quickly changed her tune to "I was only kidding! Don't draw any pictures! Really!" and started wearing high-neck, chainmail collars.

Meanwhile, this raises the dicey question of what kind of pictures and cartoons can be safely published, if Mohammed's likeness (and thereby the offense) is all in the eye and mind of the beholder? Can there be any safe pictures of anything? Can we still tell jokes about the Sultan of Jiffy Pop?

And is there still Freedom of Speech when people become too scared to use it?

Bonus: To help clear up any confusion and perhaps save lives, we offer the following guide:

These are not images of Mohammed

According to Jihadists, this is.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Waiting for the Movie?

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Just when we thought Eric Holder had snatched the title of "Most Incompetent Public Official" for 2010, Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano - the woman charged with securing America's borders - admits that she hasn't bothered to read Arizona's new immigration bill either. This despite her well publicized attacks on the law, the fact that Arizona has been forced into taking action because of her dereliction of duty, and - oh yeah - the fact that she was formerly governor of Arizona.

It becomes increasingly hard to see this "open border" policy (and the administration's vicious attacks on Arizona) as anything other than a federally sanctioned invasion of the United States, intended to import an unbeatably large body of new Democratic votes...and hasten the country's transition to a Socialistic society.

When our country's top law enforcement officials have no interest in either the law or
enforcement, and the public media has no interest in holding them accountable, it's clear that our country is in a world of trouble.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Face the Music

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In a recent speech, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi declared that the Obamacare bill was actually an entrepreneurial bill...because it will allow people to quit their jobs and be "creative and be a musician or whatever" while taxpayers pick up the cost of healthcare.

In other words, Pelosi sees this magical combination of record unemployment and unfunded entitlements as the gateway to a New Renaissance, in which the bottled up artistic talents of Americans can finally be expressed without the need for pesky old responsibilities.

According to Nancy, "people could be an artist or a photographer or a writer without worrying about keeping their day job in order to have health insurance." She calls the previous thwarting of our artistic gifts "job lock," meaning that people had to actually keep jobs and turn a deaf ear to their muses.

But thanks to the Democrats, no one has "job lock" anymore and people everywhere are involving themselves in the arts. In San Francisco, for instance, Nancy's constituents are learning to paint swastikas on signs to protest against legal immigration. Mainstream news reporters are enthusiastically indulging their desire to write fiction.

And Washington DC, of course, is enjoying a dramatic increase of song and dance.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Greece Up

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In the midst of a catastrophic financial breakdown, Greece has decided to take Barack Obama's longtime advice and blame America first. They feel that their debt-based economy wouldn't have collapsed if U.S. financial institutions, led by Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, hadn't similarly tanked. And so they're considering fighting it out in the courts. Which basically puts American taxpayers in the docket.

And the Greeks can probably make a pretty decent case. Despite the recent Congressional push for financial regulatory reform in the U.S., Democrats were careful to make sure that Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, largely guided by Barney Frank and Chris Dodd, would remain completely unencumbered to continue their horrendous business practices. In fact, government-owned Fannie Mae lost another $13 billion in just the first quarter of this year...with the money to come from our already struggling economy.

There's an old joke that asks "How do they separate the men from the boys in Greece?" The answer is "with a crowbar." It seems more likely every day that they'll need to use the same tool to separate Democrats from taxpayers.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Great White

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Last week, 88-year old Betty White hosted Saturday Night Live and taught today's audiences a thing or two about screen presence and comedic timing. And as we considered the week's many events here at the editorial offices of Hope n' Change, we couldn't think of a better spokesperson to try to coax laughter out of what has been generally appalling news.

Oh, we considered bringing Eric Holder in as guest host today, and even sent him a script. But it turns out that he never read it.