Friday, September 28, 2012

Master Debater

Having already visited every television show which caters to those with fewer IQ points than the president's approval rating (currently 50), Barack Obama has declared a break from avoiding world leaders and journalists so that he can practice his debating skills prior to his first head-to-head clash with Mitt Romney on October 3rd.

Initial reports incidate that John "Swiftboat" Kerry will play the role of Romney in the trial runs, so that Obama can sharpen up his attacks on tall, rich, white men. Other rhetorial weapons in the Master Debater's handbook (so to speak) will be phrases like "Bush did it," "I inherited," "GOP resistance," "Created or saved," and "...took longer than I thought." In other words, he's going to lie like a prayer rug.

Meanwhile, Mitt Romney is preparing for the debate too - declaring that his strategy will be to "fact check" the president live and on-air and point it out when Mr. Obama says "things that aren't accurate." Hope n' Change is really, really hoping that this will involve the use of a compressed-air boat horn and a marching bass drum with Obama's face on one side and the word LIAR on the other.

But why should Mitt have all the fun of catching Barry in awkward moments and demonstrable untruths? No, every Hope n' Change reader should be just as ready and well-armed, which is why we're giving all of you a free copy of our ebook, "Obama Sutra - An Illustrated Guide to 57 States of Ecstasy!"

Not only will you find the president engaged in 57 back-straining "passion positions" with names like "Leading from Behind," "Stimulus Package," "Green Job," "Fast and Furious," and "If You Like It, You Can Keep It," you'll also read the actual facts behind the 57 scandals, screw-ups, and betrayals which inspired the book. Enough material to bury any liberal's arguments while laughing your keester off!

"Obama Sutra" is not x-rated, but it's a pretty strong PG-13 or so (you can see samples here). The ebook is formatted for the Amazon kindle, but can be read on virtually ANY computer, smartphone, or tablet as long as you grab one of these FREE kindle reading apps first.

The ebook is free Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday (and make sure the price DOES say free on Amazon before downloading). Note that the paperback version isn't free, but may be the most beautiful souvenir you could ever want of Obama's first and hopefully only term.

So grab the ebook, and start your debate preparation so you'll be ready to smack down any liberals who dare lift their strident, whiney voices in your presence. And please - SPREAD THE WORD to your friends who need a fun, factual, and briefly FREE introduction to the Bamster's many failings!

Yes, it's a real book. Yes, it's free. 
Yes, you should get it right now and then tell everyone you know on Facebook.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Prophet and Loss Statement

Barack Obama addressed the UN General Assembly in New York yesterday, because of the pressing and urgent need to find a way to stick taxpayers with the bill for his campaign appearance on "The View." And truthfully, Hope n' Change didn't watch that particular estrogen-fest, because if we heard Barbara Walters ask about the "Womney/Wyan wedistwibution awegations," we'd have to throw ourselves in front of a Gweyhound Bus.

But we did listen to Obama's UN speech, and can confirm that the disturbing sounds of appeasement came through loud and clear above all the verbal tap-dancing.

Oh sure, Obama said he was against things like attacking our embassies and killing the occasional ambassador (wink-wink, nudge-nudge)...but then repeated his bizarre assertion that none of this violence was directed at the United States (indeed, it was "an assault on the very ideals upon which the United Nations was founded") and moreover that it was all the fault of the idiot YouTube movie.

Terrorism? It never came up. But he did say the film was "an insult to all Muslims" and "We understand why people take offense to this video because millions of our citizens are among them."

But as if standing on that slippery slope wasn't enough, Obama decided to go down it on skis - declaring: "The future must not belong to those who slander the Prophet of Islam!"

Really, Barry? Really...?!

Let's pause a moment to chew on that - and the fact that the president was allegedly, at some point, schooled in law and the specificity of legal language.

Which is why he should know that an offensive video (or cartoon, or book by Salman Rushdie) would be an example of libel...not slander.

No, slander applies very specifically to the spoken word. Which means B. Hussein's statement isn't directed at (or limited to) editorial criticism of Islam which occurs in video or means that the president of the United States envisions a future with no room for those who dare to say bad things about the Prophet of Islam.

And it doesn't take much of a logical leap to realize that simply expressing doubt over Muhammed's status as a prophet could be seen as the most unacceptable slander of all.

Damn. Maybe we should have watched "The View" after all...

Yes, he even makes paradise better.

Monday, September 24, 2012

Let Mo's People Go

Owing to the failure of Barack Obama's repeated apologies and multiple fruit baskets sent to the Muslim world to say "we're sorry for being Americans who richly deserve to be attacked by terrorists," the president has decided to take a bold new approach to kinetic sniveling: he's instituting the release of one third of the prisoners from Guantanamo Bay.

Oh sure, it could look like yet another groveling surrender from our Apologizer-in-Chief, not to mention a clear invitation to Al-Qaeda to murder more of our ambassadors if they'd like to get the rest of their pals back.

And it could seem like a bad idea since intelligence reports now suggest that the terrorist who masterminded the Benghazi attack was a prisoner who had been released from Guantanamo Bay in 2007, and that 27% of prisoners released from that facility return to terroristic activities.

But in reality, the release of 55 potential new terrorists is a brilliant political ploy on the part of this most political of presidents.

Liberals will love this decision because Obama promised to close Guantanamo Bay in his first term, and time is running out. And sure, he's only keeping 1/3 of his promise - but that's still a lot better than he's done with most of his other campaign promises.

But the real political beauty of Obama's prisoner release is the effect it will have on reducing the number of conservative voters who will be coming to the polls.

Because when they hear this story, a lot of their heads are going to explode.