Sweeping Statement

Responding to the widespread derision of State Department spokeschick Marie Harf's assertion that ISIS can best be defeated by creating job opportunities and encouraging neck-slicing radical teenagers to "start a business" rather than "pick up an AK-47," John Kerry has entered the fray to explain what she meant for those of us too stupid to understand nuance.

"Terrorists don't exist in a vacuum," Kerry said in a Wall Street Journal opinion piece. "Especially if you change the bag on a regular basis."

Okay, he didn't say that last part, but it's still a good idea in case your home is teeming with radicalized Islamic dust mites.

However, regarding ISIS he did say that “success requires empowering leaders from Los Angeles to Lagos, Paris to Peshawar, and Bogotá to Baghdad to take the reins in this effort," once again establishing that in the war on terror, America's greatest weapon is alliteration.

Meanwhile, following Wednesday's cartoon and commentary criticizing Marie Harf, our liberal correspondent has insisted on an equal time rebuttal...

Almost, Lucy.  It was actually Rudy Giuliani who said "I do not believe — and I know this is a horrible thing to say — but I do not believe that this President loves America."

“He doesn't love you. He doesn't love me," Giuliani continued (inadvertently revealing Obama to be the prophesied Anti-Barney). "He wasn't brought up the way you were brought up and I was brought up - to love this country."

Nor, sadly, were most of the young (and not so young) nitwits working in his administration.

Take This Hijab And Shove It

New insight on the ISIS crisis was delivered on the Monday edition of alleged news show "Hardball" by chirpy-voiced State Department spokesperson Marie Harf, whose wisdom should absolutely be respected despite the fact that she's only 17 years old and has a last name that sounds like a drunk violently upchucking in a toilet bowl.

"We cannot win this war by killing (ISIS)," Harf squeaked. "We cannot kill our way out of this war."

Gosh, Marie - you're right! Nobody has ever won a war by killing the enemy! At least, not in your brief lifetime. So what exactly can we do to cope with this growing tidal wave of fanatical killers?

We need to be "fighting them on social media," according to Harf, no doubt alluding to the fierce warriors of Tweet Team Six. And "we need, in the longer term, to go after the root causes that lead people to join these groups."

Root causes like rabid Islamic radicalism - right, Marie? Right...? 

Of course not! The root cause is "lack of opportunity for jobs." No doubt because those profit-seeking (as opposed to Prophet-seeking) bastards from WalMart opened megastores all over the Middle East and put all of the small local businesses out of work.

But what Hope n' Change finds a little hard to understand is why unemployment is forcing ISIS members to behead and immolate people, while Democrats in the United States routinely suggest that unemployment is actually a liberating experience which encourages the idle citizenry to create works of art, music, and literature.

In any event, thanks to Barack Obama's job creation skills, we assume that there will soon be oodles of employment opportunities for ISIS members both overseas and right here at home. At least, until we run out of shovel-ready Christians and Jews.

Time Flies (Unless It's Hit By An RPG)

Hey, you can't blame a guy for taking a shot. At least, that's going to be the defense we plead when we're hauled in for these classic Presidents Day cartoons from the vault...

UPDATE: HEAD OFF TO THE GOLF COURSE

We wanted to keep things light today, but just couldn't following the beheadings of 21 Coptic Christians by ISIS...and Obama's lightning fast response of going golfing.