Stick It In Her Ear

Hillary Clinton is being accused of using a tiny, nearly invisible radio-enabled earpiece to feed her answers, information, and cues to cackle wildly or cough dramatically during her recent town hall event with Matt Lauer.

Hillary's campaign team categorically denies this accusation which, as far as we can tell, is actually the primary function of her campaign team: categorically denying that the latest pungent brown shrapnel to fill the air is more of Hillary's feces which has hit the fan.

Frankly, we don't know or much care if Hillary has added a high tech element to her lying. After all, at this point we should all accept the truism that Hillary isn't so much a person as the mascot-like face of a huge criminal enterprise with plenty of players. Whether or not she's actually got a teeny-tiny walkie-talkie shoved up her earhole is secondary to the fact that everything she says has been scripted, focus group tested, analyzed for legal liability, and has virtually nothing to do with the truth.

Even so, we think Donald Trump might do well to invest in a pocket-sized radio jamming device to carry into his debates with Hillary. Or better still, he should just find out her earpiece's radio frequency then blast her eardrums with the national anthem.

BONUS: A DAY AT THE (PRESIDENTIAL) RACES

Meanwhile, Libertarian candidate Gary Johnson is still on the campaign trail, reminding voters that they don't need to settle for a Republican, a Democrat, or someone who spends more than $5 on a haircut.

Unfortunately, he didn't do much to advance his case when, on MSNBC, the discussion turned to Aleppo and, after a brief pause, Johnson asked "What is Aleppo?"

For those who think Aleppo might have been the Marx brother even less well known than Gummo or Zeppo, it's actually the city where much of the violence of the Syrian civil war has been centered, leading to a huge humanitarian crisis.

In fairness, it seems likely that Johnson just had a momentary memory blank and was man enough to admit it afterwards. Unlike some candidates we could mention, who claim any defects in their memory should be blamed on a brain-damaging fall after an (ahem) "stomach virus."

Licking Her Health Problems

The healthiest woman in the universe just had another 4-minute long hackfest on stage during a local campaign appearance, coughing uncontrollably while spraying blood-flecked sputum on the high donors in the front row - which normally costs them extra.

Naturally, many people are concerned that it might not be something serious. Which is indeed possible: rather than cancer, tuberculosis, black lung disease, or esophageal syphilis, the problem might be as simple as allergies, nodes on her vocal cords, or her lungs filling with the choking smoke of Benghazi as the spirit of Ambassador Stevens desperately tries to channel a warning to voters through her.

But of course, if would be the height of journalistic irresponsibility for us to speculate on any such medical diagnosis here without also soliciting a professional second opinion...

And speaking of people we're sick of...

BONUS: HERE'S ANOTHER FINE MESS YOU'VE GOTTEN US INTO, STANLEY

Well, her pictures DID get around on the Internet a lot...

In the waning days of his presidency, Barack Obama is facing a new level of candor from world leaders who previously only called him a douche nozzle, stuttering fustercluck, or dweebie jug-eared girly-man behind his back...or while addressing huge, cheering throngs in the streets of their own hellhole countries.

Now that this policy of formality has finally been rescinded, Hope n' Change suggests that everyone describe Mr. Obama in similarly colorful and accurate terms! Not that this would be an entirely new practice here at HnC Central, as the NSA - and 8 years of audiotapes - can surely attest.

Labor Dazed 2016

As Labor Day statistics go, things were pretty pitiful again last month except for the "shovel ready" jobs noted above. There are now over 94 million people in the United States who aren't in the workforce and can't find jobs, which is one of the reasons that "violent crime" is such a popular career choice in Democrat-run Chicago.

You would think those numbers would constitute domestic terror on their face, but apparently the Left doesn't consider it terror as long as you A) spread the body count over a few days and B) mostly kill black people, including kids and young mothers. And nobody appears to give a rat's ass about changing this except, encouragingly, Donald Trump.

But despite the above, Labor Day Weekend remains a festive time in American culture - perfect for cookouts, beach outings, and huge, stinking document dumps. Like the odoriferous release of new FBI records which not only list more criminal activity by Hillary Clinton, but document that her excuse for nearly everything is her claim to have been brain damaged by a fall...

Oops, we just thought of another joke...

Don't worry, Bill, you will.

BONUS: FROM THE LABOR DAY VAULT...

Happy Millenial Wake-Up Day!

  

 Have a great, safe Labor Day everyone!