Erase for the White House

Hillary Clinton has voluntarily turned over her email server to the FBI, in the same sense that a bank robber "voluntarily" comes out with his hands up after being informed that he is surrounded.

Or at least, we think she's turned over her server. In the world of the Clintons, nothing is ever what it seems. In this case, the server which had been kept at the Clinton's home was apparently transferred (the entire machine, not just the data) to a company called Platte River Networks in New Jersey in 2013.

That physical machine was given to the FBI, but the company assures them that it's entirely blank because "the information had been migrated over to a different server for purposes of transition" in June 2013. In other words, Hillary has turned over the server that was at her house - but not the server which contained the data after June 2013, which no one knew to ask about. D'oh!

And it gets even better! Clinton is sticking with her story that her private email server never ever held any document which was marked classified. And in this case, "marked" is the "what the meaning of is is" magic weasel word she's hoping will keep her out of the hoosegow. Because it now seems that someone operating under Clinton's orders was illegally removing the "Top Secret" and other classification markings from documents before sending them to Hillary's server, specifically to help her cover her ample rear end.  Felony conspiracy, anyone?

Hillary is clearly in a tight spot, but we're not sure it will bring her down. After all, the pact that she and her lying, DNA-spewing husband made with Satan has gotten them out of plenty of jams before.

But even beyond the political and legal ramifications, Hope n' Change is extremely concerned with the very real damage to our nation and the world likely caused by Mrs. Clinton's scheming. Consider the fact that during her tenure as Secretary of State, the world largely fell off its axis - with Russia, China, North Korea, Iran and ISIS pretty much free to raise whatever hell they wanted.

Almost as if they had an easy-to-hack source of classified information to tell them exactly what we knew, and what we were willing (and not willing) to do about it.

If Mrs. Clinton proves to have been party to that, it's far worse than a simple election season snafu. It's the gravest kind of felony, if not outright treason, and should be treated as such.

Quiet Riot

As surely as the swallows return to Capistrano and the Obamas return to the five-star environs of Martha's Vineyard, rioters have returned to Ferguson to block highways, set things on fire, loot businesses, and shoot at police officers in loving memory of Michael "Gentle Giant when he's not violently assaulting someone" Brown.

Not that there haven't also been peaceful protesters, exercising their Constitutional right to be wrong about the whole "hands up, don't shoot" myth.

What puzzles Hope n' Change is why there is still so much anger and animosity considering that Obama's DOJ not only completely (albeit reluctantly) exonerated the officer involved in the shooting, but also assumed supervisory oversight of the Ferguson police department and required them to make across the board reforms.

Does this mean that the protesters are now blaming Obama for alleged police racism, or are they simply saying that his DOJ is no better at protecting people from toxic law enforcement than his EPA is at protecting rivers from toxic spills? And if Obama is their problem, why are they marching in the street where Brown was shot instead of on the greens where the president is golfing?

Let's be very clear about something: Black lives matter. White lives matter. All lives, of every color, matter. But after nearly 7 years of inflammatory rhetoric from a deliberately devisive black president, that simple statement is now tantamount to hate speech. 

Which is why we can't help but sigh deeply while looking at the violence in Ferguson and hope that someday, somehow, we'll again see a time when #SanityMatters.

BONUS: SURPRISE PARTY

No, Donald Trump hasn't made any such vow yet. But if he did, you just know it would be because he's already figured out a loophole.

BONUS #2: NICE DAY FOR A DRIVE

Third Degree Bernie

In what is quite possibly the most delightful news story Hope n' Change has read in years, Socialist presidential candidate Bernie "Share the wealth" Sanders had to involuntarily share (and eventually forfeit) the stage with idiotic protestors who commandeered his microphone.

Before we dive into the actual events - which are so delicious that we don't have to make up anything - let's all take a deep relaxing breath so we can truly savor each delightful detail of this hilarious fustercluck. Ready?

It all began in Seattle, the very Mecca of Liberalism, where Bernie Sanders was scheduled to speak to (in the words of the Huffington Post) a "massive" rally of dozens of liberals, staged by a group called the Social Security Works Coalition. The event was a celebration of entitlement services, complete with a tacky cardboard birthday cake - presumably in commemoration of the many years that people have been getting taxpayer-funded cake.

Sanders took to the microphone and drew cheers when he thanked Seattle "for being one one of the most progressive cities in the state!" Which turned out to be his last word on that or any other subject because the microphone was quickly snatched out of his hands by protestors from Black Lives Matter.

Activist (we'd never use the word "extremist") Mara Johnson then accused the alleged crowd of covering themselves in "white supremacist liberalism" and demanded four and a half agonizing minutes of silence to mark the sad one-year anniversary of violent cigar thief Michael Brown becoming a speed bump in Ferguson, Missouri.

The crowd, albeit annoyed and whining, actually did exactly what Johnson told them to do because white liberals would rather burst into flames than challenge a black person, even one who's disrupting a public event. Which is why, following the period of silence, Johnson launched into a seemingly endless tirade against racism and other perceived injustices.

Eventually, showing the strength and resolve which he would no doubt bring to the Oval Office, Sanders simply slinked away from the event without saying another word.

The event's organizers were disappointed but, being Seattle liberals, had praise for the "courage" of the Black Lives Matter protestors.

Frankly, Hope n' Change thinks that the activists (who no doubt showed up on a bus funded by the Clinton Family Foundation) should have set their sights a bit higher and grabbed a microphone from Barack Obama to protest this horribly unfair and racist nation.

Unfortunately, that wasn't an option - because the president is in Martha's Vineyard kicking off his multi-million dollar #BlackVacationsMatter campaign.