Saturday, January 1, 2011

Wringing In The New Year

2010 has come and gone, and here at Hope n' Change we can truthfully say to the year "don't let the screen door hit you on the way out." Seriously, the year was a complete maggot-gagger.

Which isn't to say that it wasn't without a few good moments - foremost among them being November's election returns which put Conservatives solidly back into the fight against socialism and general anti-American idiocy. And that's huge.

But for too many, the year was more of the same old, same old: no jobs, no hope, no change - while Washington went on an unprecedented spending spree. Obamacare was passed and, if fully implemented, we'll be lucky if our medical system is only crippled instead of being destroyed outright. Our nation's status in the world continued to plummet, as our enemies rushed to fill in the leadership void which was created by Barack Obama's abdication of both military might and common sense. And on, and on, and on...

Of course, none of us lives 24/7 in the world of politics...and 2010 held it's share of "real life" rough knocks for your own reasonably-humble Stilton Jarlsberg, just as it did for pretty much everyone else.


For me personally, one significant and undeniable pleasure throughout the year was the ever-growing number of readers who choose to seek out Hope n' Change Cartoons on a daily basis, and share their thoughts, insights, humor and camaraderie in the comments section (check the clickable link beneath each day's commentary).

Your presence here is a reminder that there really are a lot of us who care about the direction this country has been moving in, and that there really is a rebirth of patriotism and responsibility going on that is frightening to the mainstream media and the progressives...and a much-needed breath of fresh air for the rest of us. It's a reminder that we're a team...and, as of the most recent election, a winning team.

So Hope n' Change will be here to comment on whatever comes our way in 2011 (tongue firmly in cheek, unless stuck out at the liberals), and we hope that you'll be here too - and will invite friends to join the fun. Best wishes to you and yours in the new year!

-Stilton Jarlsberg

Friday, December 31, 2010

Just the Fox, Ma'am

Once again this year, Fox News stomped the living daylights out its cable news competitors, getting higher ratings than CNN, MSNBC, and HLN combined... leading many people to ask "what the heck is HLN?" (Seriously, we had to look it up - it's the "opinion" offshoot of CNN which doesn't have to adhere to its parent network's allegedly-rigorous journalistic standards.)

CNN, in particular, saw its numbers plunge over the past year. But why?

We can get a pretty good idea when we consider a CNN "news" story this week in which anchorwoman Alina Cho hosted a "Where are they now?" segment, and asked infamous penis-slicer Lorena Bobbit if she is "finally able to laugh about it."

Along those same lines, we wonder if Ms. Cho asked "Where are they now?" about the 3000 people who used to work in the World Trade Center towers, and whether their survivors are laughing yet? Or perhaps she wondered about all of the people (every American, in fact) who were supposed to see medical and insurance costs go down because of Obamacare. Where are they now, and why aren't they laughing?

It's also curious that the Fox News ratings are so high considering that the network missed some of the biggest stories covered by their competitors this year, including the many ugly incidents of racism and terroristic violence perpetrated by the Tea Party. Fox also severely under-reported the Associated Press's biggest story of 2010, the permanent and devastating environmental damage which could have been caused by the BP Oil Spill, but didn't actually happen.

Overall, Hope n' Change found this to be a year that contained very little good news. But at least Fox continues to be a good news network...and that's a start.


Thursday, December 30, 2010

Man's Best Fiend

Barack Obama, who has previously described himself as a racial "mutt," has decided he'd rather be a friend to sports figures than dogs. How else to explain his recent call to the owner of the Philadelphia Eagles to praise him for giving a "second chance" to Michael Vick - the man who spent 19 months in jail for torturing, electrocuting, and drowning dogs when not forcing them to fight to the death for his own amusement.

It's hard to understand the president's giddy enthusiasm...unless, perhaps, he believes that the police simply planted maimed dogs at Vick's residence, and buried other dead dogs on the grounds. After all, Mr. Obama has famously declared that there's a "long history in this country" of police abuse against African-Americans like Vick. And OJ Simpson.

But apart from that, the president expressed delight at Vick's return to the playing field because "so many people who serve time never get a fair second chance" - unlike recently released detainees from Guantanamo Bay, who are allowed to return to jihaddist terror campaigns.

The president also feels that "individuals who have paid for their crimes should have an opportunity to contribute to society again"...although in this case, "contributing to society" consisted only of
carrying a football for $5.25 million a season at the same time that the president has indicated that anyone earning over $250,000 is an evil, selfish threat to society.

But in the end, Barack Obama is simply trying to teach us all a lesson about the importance of forgiveness - and here at
Hope n' Change, we're embracing that lesson. And so we forgive the president for his idiotic support of a vicious dog-murdering sonofabitch...and will think no less of him than we did before.

In fairness, Michael Vick does like puppies. With cream gravy.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Happy New Ears

Because it would be unseemly in this disastrous economy for Barack Obama to admit that his highest priority is now campaigning for the 2012 election, he is instead saying that "I really want to figure out a way where I can spend more time outside of Washington listening and learning and engaging with the American people."

Because, you know, this president combines great humility with tremendous respect for the opinions of the American rabble.

Except when they express their opinions by casting votes against his policies. Or telling pollsters that they don't like what he's doing to the economy, healthcare, and the country. Or when they gather in huge numbers on the National Mall in Washington D.C. to ask for fiscal responsibility and a return to the principles of our founders.

Rather, Barack Obama will go forth among the common people and seek listening and learning opportunities in places like liberal colleges and, just to provide real diversity, other liberal colleges. And then he'll drop in on Iowa to ask if the voters there would like higher federal corn subsidies and, perhaps, backrubs...and he will humbly listen and learn from their responses while trying very hard not to jut his chin into the air.

According to Whitehouse adviser Valerie Jarrett, "when he took office, because of the crisis that was presented to him, he had to spend almost every waking hour in Washington."

Granted, many of those waking hours were spent golfing and playing basketball, but sucks for a listening, learning, man of the people to stay in Washington, which is clearly no place for a president to be during a crisis. This being the case, Hope n' Change is glad to hear that Mr. Obama will finally
be able to get out of town.

Between vacations, of course.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Twist and Shout

When former news magazine "Time" selected the creator of Facebook as their "person of the year," they knew there would be a few whiners out there asking why the archetypal "Tea Party Patriot" shouldn't have been given the nod instead...what with upending an attempted socialist overthrow of the United States.

Time had an answer. Unlike Facebook which is really important and substantive ("I poked you! Poke me back!"), the Tea Party is more of a short lived phenomenon like the Beatles and will soon be breaking up because individual members presumably want to spend more time with Yoko Ono.

Alleged writer David Von Drehle says
"In a sense, identifying with the Tea Party movement was like catching Beatlemania in the 1960s. People were drawn in for different reasons — the beat, the haircuts, the lyrics — and great gulfs of taste divided the John fans from the Paul fans, the George fans from the Ringo fans."

As much as we hate to burst Von Drehle's hallucinogenic bubble, we think that Tea Party members aren't emulating the
"Fab Four" so much as the "Founding Fathers," a group whose greatest hits (like "The Constitution" and "The Bill of Rights") have remained consistently popular for over 200 years.

And so, as
Time marches on into the dustbin of journalism, we'll choose not to worry too much about a magazine which finds "Yeah, yeah, yeah" trivial...but previously declared "Yes We Can" to be orgasmically profound.

Time's "Person of the Year - 2012"

Monday, December 27, 2010

Days of Old Lame Sighing

The parties are over, the feasts are finished, and everyone is sick of leftovers. So what better time could Barack Obama choose to quietly enact his new plan for leftover humans?

When Obamacare was passed, "end of life counseling" (which some people said would lead directly to "death panels") was removed from the already repugnant bill because it was considered politically touchy to pay doctors to tell old people not to seek medical treatment. And yet, if old people continue seeing the doctor just because they're dying, the economics of Obamacare don't work. So what's a president to do?

Simple - put his policy into effect via regulation instead of legislation, so it can't be voted down by the pesky representatives of the people.

Specifically, the president's new policy will give some of the few remaining Medicare funds (after Obamacare cut $500 billion from their coffers) to doctors in return for counseling older patients on end-of-life options "which may include advance directives to forgo aggressive life-sustaining treatment."

Doctors will help senior citizens make these decisions during annual physicals by asking simple questions like: "Why do you want to be a burden to your family?" "Don't you think a blind orphan could use the corneas you're currently hogging?" and "Is life with an ingrown toenail really worth living?"

For the economics of Obamacare to work, old people have to die - it's that simple. And if that can be accomplished through regulation instead of law, and suggestion instead of edict, then true "death panels" for senior citizens won't be necessary.

Unless they refuse to go quietly.


Sunday, December 26, 2010

Haappy Holidaays

Can it really be that a whole year has already gone by since last Kwanzaa? And the answer is "no it hasn't" - because Kwanzaa is a week long, and so it's only been 51 weeks since the last one. Still, it just doesn't seem like most of a year could have gone by so rapidly.

It is, of course, a time of warmth and nostalgia for all of us, filled with holiday traditions and memories. Hearing Bing Crosby sing
Nguzo Saba...watching "How the Grinch Stole Odu Ifa"...or settling in with a cup of hot cocoa to watch Jimmy Stewart in the classic "It's a Wonderful Walimwengu."

We only wish that everyone could keep the spirit of Kwanzaa in their hearts "24/7, 364 days a year" (as Janet Napolitano would say). It seems like it's
always our goal...and maybe this year we'll actually be able to stick to it!

But for now,
Hope n' Change wishes one and all a very Heri za Kwanzaa. And a Hotep Ase Heri!