Friday Foursome

We weren't feeling hugely wordy today, so we're experimenting with giving you a generous brain dump of cartoons with minimal commentary...

As much traction as the Cecil story is getting, we're surprised that Obama hasn't quickly pencilled a "Save the Lions" clause into his deal to ram it through Congress. Because lions are clearly more lovable than Israelis, right?

Meanwhile, the ongoing barf-o-ramic Planned Parenthood story has everyone on the Left clamoring that killing is hunky-dory as long as the remnants don't go to waste. Which made us wonder just where Debbie Washitin-Schlitz did get her shaggy mane...?

Hey, Hope n' Change isn't heartless, and we feel bad about Cecil too. But this made us feel better.

Finally, we really hope that the discovery of a piece of aircraft wreckage may help finally solve the mystery of the missing Malaysia Airlines jet. We only wish that similar attention would be paid to other unsolved mysteries in which people died tragically (yes, Hillary - Benghazi does still matter to some of us).

Lefty Meets Lucy

History was made this week (accompanied, at least in our imagination, by the kettle drum pounding theme from "2001: A Space Odyssey") when mankind's oldest ancestor met the most evolved human being on the planet.

Specifically, officials in Ethiopia brought the fossilized bones of Lucy (Australopithecus afarensis) to their national palace for Barack Obama (Halfricanus offensivus) to poke and prod with his booger-hunting finger, which should lead to some pretty confusing DNA analysis in the future.

According to scientists, Lucy, who is 3.2 million years old (but doesn't look a day over 3.1 million), stood only about 3 feet tall, was covered with hair, had a very small brain, and could stand erect to spot predators - making it very likely that she could have negotiated a better deal with Iran.

The president asked "how many jumps" it took to go from Lucy to modern man, perhaps believing that kangaroos figured into the mix somewhere. A scientist confirmed there were "multiple generations" leading to Homo Sapiens. "And just think," the president no doubt thought sadly, "they couldn't even order wedding cakes until I got here."

Obama later said of his meeting with Lucy that "we are reminded that all the people of the world are all part of the same human family." Which should come as good news to both Planned Parenthood and democrats, since that pretty much makes every pregnancy the result of incest.

Clearly moved by meeting his oldest ancestor and feeling inspired by the likelihood that she cared deeply about climate change, income inequality, and American imperialism, Obama announced his plans to write a new book in her honor.

It will be called "Dreams From My Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Grandmother."

Splashback

No, no - you're not "missing the joke." This is just a factual illustration for the story below!

From time to time, Hope n' Change has endeavored to bring you "Good News Fridays" and failed miserably. Seriously, it's hard enough to find any good news without also needing the cosmic roulette wheel to have it happen on a Friday. Which is why we're presenting a genuine good news story today!

Specifically, San Francisco has been trying to cope with a serious problem. We're not referring to their sanctuary city status, their uber-liberal politics, or even all the environmental damage done by Nancy Pelosi when she takes San Francisco soil back to Washington to put in the coffin where she sleeps during the day.

No, the problem we're talking about is whizzing on walls, which apparently creates a massive citywide stench, various health hazards, and slippery puddles. And the solution is brilliant: the city's public works department is testing pee-resistant paint on the most peed-upon walls, causing the streams to splash back on the perpetrators - thereby protecting property, teaching a valuable civic lesson, and assuring that Youtube will never run out of hilarious videos!

But as much as we love this idea, we don't think the whole "splashback" concept is being taken far enough yet...

Why not be more liberal (no pun intended) with its use in San Francisco, so that the officials who release criminals and killers might enjoy a little splashback from the actions of those they set free?

How about painting a few Planned Parenthood clinics, so that the (ahem) "physicians" within get some splashback when their own organs become negotiable commodities?

For that matter, Hope n' Change would like to see this miracle paint used to cover every structure in Washington so that those who make our laws would get splashback and have to live under those very same laws.  If you think someone peeing on their own shoes is funny, imagine the hilarious shrieking when Senators and Representatives have to cope with Obamacare! Or when they discover that the money to pay for their many benefits will run dry next year, like the Social Security Disability benefits program!

Of course, at the White House (which could even pick a new color at painting time!) the splashback would be absolutely spectacular - with illegal (and possibly criminal) aliens free to come and go, Michelle picking reluctantly at her own appalling school lunches, and Barry repeatedly getting the hot spray of his own racism splashing back on his wingtip shoes and impressively creased pants.

Best of all, none of this has to cost taxpayers a nickel! Hope n' Change suggests a Kickstarter-style campaign in which the splashback paint is voluntarily paid for by Americans who are pissed off after being pissed on.

We're guessing we can have the whole thing paid for by noon today.