Saturday, June 5, 2010

Dung Beatle

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When former Beatle Sir Paul McCartney was recently honored by the Library of Congress, he gave a concert in which he alternated between silly love songs and kissing the First Ass, pausing only long enough to smear America's previous president by saying "After the last 8 years, it's great to have a president who knows what a library is."

Well hardy-har-har, Paulie.

Insulting an American president while at a state-sponsored event seems as wildly inappropriate and rude as, oh, performing "Baby You Can Drive My Car" at the funeral for Princess Diana.

But while President Bush made a point of promoting libraries and honoring the British, Paul's pal Obama has done just the opposite.

Newly in office, Obama insulted the English by returning the bust of "greatest Briton" and historian Winston Churchill which had been displayed in the Oval Office to inspire courage and tenacity following the 9/11 attacks. (Theoretically, the president harbors dislike for all things British because his grandfather, Hussein Onyango Obama, was allegedly tortured by them during the Mau Mau rebellion. And no, we're not making that up.)

Then the president baffled the Queen of England by giving the aging matriarch an iPod which contained photos of himself, audio recordings of his speeches, and video of his inauguration.

And what did our "library-loving" president give as a gift to England's Prime Minister, Gordon Brown? A collection of great works by American authors? No - he gave him a cheap DVD-collection of movies in a format that wouldn't even play on British DVD players.

If McCartney wants to suck up to a self-absorbed president who detests the British, that's his business. But seriously, Paulie...a man who paid $50 million to have sex with a one-legged woman really shouldn't be insulting anyone else's intelligence.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Yes We Oil Can

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While engineers and oceanographers struggle to end the Gulf oil leak with pointless measures like
"top kill," "junk shots," and "secondary wells," the World's Smartest Man has come up with the real solution: higher taxes.

The president believes that the best way to punish a British petroleum company is to raise taxes on all
American petroleum companies...and therefore to raise prices for all consumers.

And he's not stopping there; the president feels that the oil spill is also a reason to go back to pushing for taxes on
all carbon, including coal...thereby assuring that American's electricity prices will skyrocket.

The president's theory is that the billions upon billions in new tax revenues will allow the government, in its infinite wisdom and investment acumen, to fund research into "clean energy" sources. And if that happens to damage the economy, impoverish consumers, and cripple American be it! In fact, we suspect that might be the deliberate goal.

But in an ass-backward way, the president might be right that tax policy could be the key to our "clean energy" future. But rather than
raising taxes on all Americans, he should offer to cut - or better still eliminate - taxes for any companies that develop market-ready clean energy technologies.

Such a plan would create jobs (the CBO estimates that the proposed energy bill would
kill millions of jobs), improve the economy, lead to cleaner energy and greater energy independence, reduce the oil money currently flowing to our nation's enemies, and make America stronger.

Which is, of course, why it will never happen.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Little Green Newsmen

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In an apparent admission that their commentary no longer bears any relationship to news on Earth, TIME Magazine has declared that the Obama-hating right wouldn't support the president even if he was defending the country from a martian invasion.

(For now, we'll ignore the obvious fact that our country already has been invaded by aliens...and Obama took their side.)

TIME then posits the moral superiority of liberals, saying that in the event of a crisis it's inconceivable that conservatives would ever rally around Obama "like the left did (albeit briefly) after September 11, 2001 for Bush."

For the record, "albeit briefly" may be the two saddest and most accurate words printed in TIME in the past year and a half...and they speak tellingly of the left's inability to sustain the pretense of strength, patriotism, or bipartisanship for more than a few weeks, even in the face of a real life-and-death invasion.

Just for the record, TIME, we don't think conservatives would reflexively choose invading martians over Obama. They'd simply have to evaluate all of the variables, then throw their support to the side least likely to destroy our country.

Okay, okay... That would probably be the martians.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Al & Quipper

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A nation still reeling from the recent death of Gary Coleman must now cope with a new tragedy: after 40 years of matrimony, Al & Tipper Gore are separating.

No reason has been cited, and Al Gore has asked that we respect his privacy.

Respect his privacy?

This from the man who has made untold millions by lecturing us on which cars to drive, where we should live and work, how many children to have, which lightbulbs to use, and how often we can exhale?!

Okay, okay. But we will note that when Al and Tipper have separate residences, they'll be doubling the carbon footprint of their family. Which doesn't make them bad just makes them polar bear killers.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Plug the Hole, Laddy

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As oil continues to pour into the Gulf of Mexico, a top member of the Obama administration assured citizens that the government is "prepared for the worst," and "We have been prepared from the beginning."

But if that's true, what sort of preparation was it?

Preparation to stop the leak? If so, it hasn't worked...and some estimates now suggest that the oil could flow unchecked until August.

Preparation to contain the leak? Again, this hasn't been effective, and the plume of oil is spreading ever-further through undersea currents.

Preparation to protect waterways, shores, and ecosystems? Nope, sorry, not really happening. In fact, Louisiana's governor, Bobby Jindal wants to immediately build "barrier islands" to protect his coastline, but can't convince the president to expedite either federal permits or funding.

And so it would appear that this administration "prepared for the worst" only by exercising their pointing fingers. Which might have helped with a leaky dike, but offers no help whatsoever with a crisis that should have been planned for...and wasn't.

"We have been prepared from the beginning"

Monday, May 31, 2010

No Picnic

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Barack Obama's backyard picnic in Chicago took a bizarre turn on Saturday when his Secret Service detail had to call for reinforcements after being challenged by Louis Farrakhan's paramilitary group "Fruit of Islam."

The reason for the confrontation was that the president and his family had walked to the home of "old friends" in their Chicago neighborhood...and Louis Farrakhan just happens to be another neighbor who lives across the street. Presumably a few doors down from Obama pal Bill "the Bomber" Ayers.

While Obama enjoyed his picnic, up to two dozen members of the "Fruit of Islam" group confronted the Secret Service, chanted "Islam," and surrounded a bus carrying reporters.

Eventually things were sorted seems that the Secret Service apparently hadn't known the president of the United States and his family were walking and partying across the street from a paramilitary outpost of The Nation of Islam, and Louis Farrakhan's troops claimed they were unaware that the president was across the street.

Unfortunately, this scenario would suggest that the Secret Service is run by freaking morons
who failed to do even a minimal security check into an area where the president was going to go strolling. And we don't believe that of the Secret Service.

Rather, we think Barack Obama told the agents to just chill, because this was his neighborhood, and his kind of people.

Which, sadly, is true.

"Barack, I like you just the way you are!"

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Memorial Day 2010

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On this Memorial Day, there are no words adequate to describe the price of freedom and our inconceivable debt to those living and dead, soldiers and family members, who have paid it on our behalf.

Let their service and sacrifice inspire us all to give more than we take, to put others ahead of ourselves, to be grateful each day for this nation and our freedoms, and to be ever vigilant in their defense.