Saturday, April 16, 2011

HnC Vault: Hello Down there

Originally published July 11, 2009

A recent poll of the president's approval numbers showed a double-digit drop from just a few weeks ago, owing to soaring unemployment rates, expanding deficits, the failure of the "stimulus," lack of presidential support for allies or freedom fighters, and unceasing criticism of the President's policies by media powerhouse Hope n' Change Cartoons.

Okay, the poll didn't really mention Hope n' Change, but we can dream...

Update 4/16/2011

It's been almost two years since this cartoon ran, and since that time Barack Hussein Obama has stayed busy doing great things for America to build his popularity. He successfully closed Guantanamo...won the wars in Iraq, Afghanistan, and Libya...balanced the budget...brought down healthcare costs with Obamacare while adding 30 million uninsured to the system (without adding a dime to the deficit!)...brought unemployment down to historic lows...ended racial tension in the United States...strengthened our nation's ties to important allies like England and Israel...shared his entirely authentic birth certificate with the world...and personally created the "Drill, Baby, Drill" campaign which has brought the price of gasoline down to $1.29 per gallon.

Oh wait! He hasn't remotely done any of those things...or even tried to! Which is why current approval polls show Obama at his lowest ratings ever.

It seems that the more people get to know Barack Obama, the fewer there are who actually like him or his policies. Including, presumably, Bo the Whitehouse dog...who now refuses to appear in photos with Obama out of fear that it could hurt his political chances of someday being Hillary Clinton's dog.

Friday, April 15, 2011

The Indicators Are Down

Following Barack Obama's Marxian declaration that every man, woman, and child in America (or recently arrived in America) should expect to have their basic needs funded by taxpayers, a new report has been released showing that only 45% of Americans even have jobs.

That's the lowest number in nearly 30 years...and as the hapless husband in today's cartoon notes, only 66% of American men have jobs, which is the lowest number on record. And last month the overall rate of unemployment "unexpectedly" rose yet again, reminding us that the media doesn't really understand what the word "unexpectedly" means.

Obviously, this suggests that the government should do everything in its power to encourage job that's exactly the opposite of what Barack Obama is doing.

Instead, the alleged president is pledging to raise taxes on businesses, job creators, and investors, thereby assuring that the job numbers will get even worse. And he's resisting any efforts to cut government spending on entitlement programs, meaning the fewer and fewer people who are working will have to take care of more and more people who either aren't...or won't.

You don't need to be an expert economist to understand that when most people in America aren't working, we're a nation that's on the wrong side of the bell curve...and we're sliding down a slippery slope towards becoming irrelevant on the world stage.

The only way to avoid disaster is if America's both parties...finally get serious about real spending cuts and fiscal responsibility. Since Barack Obama and the Democrats are clearly uninterested and unserious, Hope n' Change is starting to warm to the idea of not raising the Debt Ceiling, despite politicians' and economists' warnings of apocalypse.

Metaphorically speaking, there's nothing quite like pulling the pin out of an economic grenade to finally get everyone's attention.


Bonus: From the Hope n' Change Gift Shoppe, an April 15th mini-poster (click for larger size).


Thursday, April 14, 2011

Nothing Sure But Debt And Taxes

Here at Hope n' Change, we've struggled mightily to come up with an eloquent, accurate, and analytically incisive description of yesterday's "debt reduction" speech by Barack Obama. And in essence, the president's plan is this: "Communism and lots of KY Jelly."

In a style that alternated between folksiness and professorial disdain, the alleged budget cutter said "most Americans tend to dislike government spending in the abstract, but they like the stuff it buys." And he's right; most people like the perks and pork the government doles out to buy their votes. So what's the problem? "Trillions of dollars in unpaid-for tax cuts that went to every millionaire and billionaire in the country."

Of course, the tax cuts also went to every other taxpayer in the country...but admitting it wouldn't really work with his overall theme of inciting hatred and class warfare. Nor would the fact that Barack "spread the wealth" Obama routinely describes people earning $200,000 as "billionaires."

And let's pause to consider the nonsensical phrase "unpaid-for tax cuts." That presumes that politicians are powerless to spend less money (including money they don't have)...and any unpaid bills just mean someone out there just wasn't being taxed enough.

But just what, exactly, will happen if Mr. Obama allows these greedy, miserable, capitalist bastards to hang on to their filthy stolen loot? The alleged president explains, "50 million Americans have to lose their health insurance in order for us to reduce the deficit. Many are someone’s grandparents who wouldn’t be able afford nursing home care without Medicaid. Many are poor children. Some are middle-class families who have children with autism or Down’s syndrome. Some are kids with disabilities so severe that they require 24-hour care."

That's right: the Evil Rich are basically amassing their fortunes by killing people's grandparents and screwing over withered children in wheelchairs. Which is why it's not just okay to hate the Evil Rich, it's practically a patriotic duty.

And that's why the nation's wealthy will be getting off easy if they're only stuck with higher taxes instead of the scalding tar and feathers which they so richly deserve.

It must be true, or the Communist-in-Chief couldn't say so.

Fun Fact: The Evil Rich have solid gold jacuzzis filled with orphan's tears!

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Death Panelist

In this troubled world of unbalanced budgets, out of control nuclear reactors, and worldwide bloodshed, it's always nice to know that we can count on MSNBC's Chris Matthews to give us a laugh...or at least give us a good reason to reach for our scotch.

Specifically, in giving "analysis" of Paul Ryan's plan to save Medicare, Matthews announced that it "will kill half the people who watch my show." And while we're tempted to say "that's a good start," we won't...because those would be words that hurt rather than heal.

Instead, we'll simply point out that however Medicare is funded, we doubt it will have enough money to pay for all the medications that Mr. Matthews is apparently forgetting to take.

For instance, even though Ryan's plan specifically states that no one aged 55 or over will have any change in their Medicare coverage, Matthews claims that half of today's seniors will meet the grim reaper when the program cuts their benefits. He then follows up by saying that younger people will also get screwed, receiving only "a Borders book $10 gift certificate that's going to pay for your million dollar healthcare costs."

Frankly, we don't think Chris Matthews could possibly be stupid enough to actually believe any of this. Which means he's personally despicable enough to be blatantly lying about all of this.

And the only way we're ever going to have an honest dialogue on saving Medicare is when pundits like Matthews are replaced by people who can tell the difference between "Holocausts" and "Healthcare Costs."

This is why MSNBC should always have tranquilizer darts handy.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Out To Launch

After posing the question "When is a war not a war?" with his Libyan invasion, Barack Obama is now causing people to ask "When is a missile defense system not a missile defense system?" And the answer is: "when you give the controls to the people who might shoot missiles at you."

Because Russia is demanding (not
asking, as would be the case if we had a president more intimidating than a kitten wearing a pink ribbon) that the United States give them the ultimate decision-making authority about whether or not we can launch our own anti-ballistic missiles when either we, or our allies, are under attack.

Perhaps the Russians got the idea when Secretary of State Hillary Clinton previously gifted them with a large red "launch" button, which was
supposed to have the Russian word for "reset" on it, but actually said "overload." Oops!

Or maybe the Russians figured out that Barack Hussein Obama is a lousy negotiator and decided to really go for broke ("We'll tell him we want to rape America's women, kill America's dogs, and get control of their missile defenses... and then let him talk us out of the women and dogs!")

In any event, the mere existence of stories like this one make
our heads explode.


Monday, April 11, 2011

Barack OGarbo

Perhaps owing to the disappointing blow of being forced to cancel his weekend vacation to Colonial Williamsburg (his first vacation in nearly two weeks), Barack Obama opened his heart in an emotionally wrenching media confession, claiming "I just miss...I miss being anonymous."

In fact, the alleged president misses anonymity so much that he's considering making "I Miss Being Anonymous" the title of his third autobiography assuming that Bill Ayers approves.

The heartrending confessions spilled out as Mr. Obama was talking to reporters for Hearst Magazines...because what better forum is there to try to get back your anonymity than a press conference?

"I miss Saturday morning, rolling out of bed, not shaving, getting into my car with my girls, driving to the supermarket, squeezing the fruit, getting my car washed, taking walks. I can't take a walk," sniffled Mr. Obama...obviously confusing himself with FDR.

The saddest man in the world then dabbed his eyes and said that he's
not the golf fanatic that everyone accuses him of being, but "it's the only excuse I have to get outside for four hours at a stretch." Oh sure, he could get plenty of sunlight and fresh air mowing the Whitehouse lawn, or helping Michelle weed her yams. But none of those things would really provide the same feeling of carefree freedom that comes from traveling in a 9-car entourage while burning tens of thousands of taxpayer dollars on an extended game of Putt-Putt.

Hope n' Change admires Barack Hussein Obama's dream of anonymity, and he can count on us to do whatever we can to help him attain it as soon as possible. Within a couple of years, it would be great for him to go back to being the late-sleeping, unshaven, fruit-squeezing, sidewalk-dwelling guy he was meant to be.

But until then, true "anonymity" will just have to remain an elusive dream for the man with
no birth certificate, no school or professional records, no friends from his past, no recollection of the church he allegedly attended for 25 years, or much else.

Hey, rat. Play that sad little song one more time. Suddenly we seem to have tears in our eyes, too...

Barack OGarbo - So icy. So perfect. So unattainable.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

HnC Vault: Healthcare Cuts

Originally published June 6, 2009

The President has proposed massive cuts for Medicare and Medicaid to help fund his plan to make sure that everyone will have healthcare that will be subject to massive cuts.

Update 4/10/2011

Isn't it interesting that when Obamacare passed with $500 billion in cuts to Medicare (not just the $300 billion cited above), the democrats claimed it could be done without any consequence to seniors...but when Paul Ryan's budget proposed a smaller $400 billion in cuts, those same democrats (and much of the media) reacted as if he were suggesting genocide (or in this case, geriatricide)?

The difference is a simple one: the liberal Left knew that Obama was lying about ever actually instituting the cuts...and they know that Ryan is telling the truth.

There is no plan possible which can cut Medicare costs that won't have some pain involved. That being said, Ryan's plan would have less pain for seniors - and Americans in general - because it would allow Medicare to continue as a functioning service
instead of collapsing entirely, which is currently an economic certainty.

At Hope n' Change, we're really hoping that the GOP is ready to fight for Ryan's budget tooth-and-nail. And while we don't expect Obama and the democrats to drop their games and hypocrisy (now or ever), we hope they'll at least start getting called on it.