The Wizard of Beating The Odds

Actually, a Senate fell on her too.

The twister has blown through, the election is over, the Wicked Witch of the West Wing has been vanquished, and Donald Trump has not only opened the door to a strange (not to mention Technicolor) new world, but he also stands ready to pull back the curtain which has concealed the many manipulations and misdeeds of a fraudulent, out-of-control, anti-American government whose only real wizardry has been to buy favor by giving things away when they get caught ("By the power vested in me, I now declare that every millenial will get a free college degree in Thinkology!")

There may well have never been an uglier and more contentious election. But now, in the great American tradition, it is time for healing. In complete seriousness, Hope n' Change believes the moment has come for outreach, empathy, unification, and making peace with those with whom we've had deep and vocal political disagreements.

We're only talking about people on the Right, of course. We need to unify with each other. As far as the Left goes, well, they can take a flying fornicatory fling at a rolling donut. Seriously, every time we see a weeping liberal on television, we can't stop our convulsive laughter. Their pain and grief is like a delicious, refreshing sorbet which we're enjoying from an exquisite silver dessert spoon.

Please, sir, may we have some more?

Mind you, our attitude would make us cruel and insensitive if those panicking on the Left were in real jeopardy - but they're not. The Trump Gestapo will not be beating down doors to grab Hispanics. Women will not be forced to leave the workplace or be required to submit to government pussy grabbing (except during TSA searches and elevator rides with Bill Clinton).

Neither will women lose their freedom to abort the next generation of women (and men) if it suits their whim. And the KKK won't receive government funds to raise hell and burn things down, unlike many "activist" liberal groups which enjoyed such taxpayer largesse during the soon-to-be-buried Obama years.

The reality is that the snowflakes on the Left aren't actually afraid of Donald Trump, the man (although they believe themselves to be) - they're terrified of the gigantic mythological monster which the media - their media - has created out of whole cloth.  The greatest threat Donald Trump actually presents to millenials is that he may succeed in creating jobs for them. And work is a lot less fun than endlessly whining, marching in the streets, and burning American flags for no particular reason.

Of course, we'll concede that it is frightening to hear a presidential candidate call for the creation of a "National Civilian Security Force" to conduct (ahem) special policing within our borders. A new force as large and well-funded as the military. Fortunately, that isn't anything Trump called for - it was Barack Obama in 2008.

And how should LGBT Americans feel about a candidate who opposed Gay marriage rights and has close ties - personal and financial - to those who persecute and even murder homosexuals? That's definitely scary, and yet another reason that we're glad the candidate in question, Hillary Clinton, lost to a man who got a standing ovation at the GOP convention for proclaiming his unconditional support of LGBT rights.

In the interest of complete honesty, Hope n' Change concedes that we haven't been big fans of Trump in the past. But what he's accomplished is nothing short of a miracle, and he's now going to be heading a team which will presumably include some of the best minds in America for America. We honestly believe that he's going to try his best - however good that may prove to be - for people of every race, creed, color, religion, and sexual orientation in America.

For the first time in years, Hope n' Change really does have Hope. And we're pretty damn sure that we're about to see real Change.

Don't use your wipers - pantsuits leave streaks.

TODAY IS VETERANS DAY

 

If you get the opportunity to say "thank you" in person, then do so. If not, then do it in your heart. Hope n' Change is grateful, now and always, to America's military veterans. We owe you a debt which can never be repaid.

BONUS: FIRST CAMPAIGN PROMISE FULFILLED...

To Sleep...Perchance To Dream

...but not for sure.

Hope n' Change had every intention of staying up late to report on the winner of the 2016 election - but things are puttering out on the news networks at 1:30 a.m. without a definitive winner...and we're not as young as we used to be.

Happily, we're not as pessimistic as we used to be either, owing to it being a near certainty (at the time of this writing) that Donald Trump will have beaten Hillary, and will become President with a GOP majority Senate and House. Which means that Obama's "legacy" can go into the woodchipper beginning with Trump's first day in office!

Analysts have not yet determined how this major upset happened, although we'd like to think that we helped a little by having actively distributed a Wikileaks story about Hillary that may not have been entirely accurate...

 

We'll soon have a LOT to say about this election and what it means for our future, but for now we're calling it a night (just like Hillary's campaign director, John Podesta, did when he told all of her supporters to go home and not wait for any announcements from her - no doubt because she's in a towering rage and can't get her eyeballs to align).

We don't want to jinx anything by absolutely declaring Trump the winner yet - but we will say that we're currently experiencing more hope for change than anything we've felt in the past 8 years.

UPDATE: TRUMP WINS! HILLARY LOSES! OBAMA'S LEGACY? HA HA HA HA HA!

In honor of National Schadenfreude Day...

Here It Comes

...or maybe not.

Tomorrow is Election Day 2016, and there's a mounting crescendo of nuttiness occurring on the campaign trail - especially among those on the Left.

Barack Hussein Soetoro Obama took to the airwaves to assure illegal aliens that if they vote, no effort will be made to track them down or hold them accountable. Not exactly stunning news, except for the part where he's openly admitting this on television.

Meanwhile, the soon-to-be-former communications director for Hillary's campaign tweeted to potential voters that "if you see a whopper of a Wikileaks in the next two days - it's probably a fake."  Wait - "probably?!" As in, even Hillary's campaign is conceding that such apparent whoppers might be the real deal?!

But wait - there's more! Some folks on the Right are hyperventilating after a Wikileaks document turned up in which John Podesta's brother, Tony, invited him to attend a "spirit cooking" event which smacked of Satanism.  But Snopes.com has come riding to a less-than-impressive rescue by declaring the story FALSE because "spirit cooking" doesn't necessarily refer to a satanic ritual, but simply recipes "containing bodily fluids such as semen and breast milk."  Wow - that's a relief!

And the latest lunacy (at least at the time of this writing) is that FBI Director James "Weasel of the Year" Comey has now announced (no doubt while under interesting duress) that his office has miraculously managed to sort through all of the emails on Anthony Weiner's laptop and gosh, there's nothing there which would make Comey change the conclusions he came to in July. Mind you, those conclusions were that Hillary was as guilty as sin, but that "no reasonable prosecutor" would bring her to trial for fear of ending up in a shallow grave.



Much like the dinosaur in today's cartoon, Hope n' Change is genuinely looking forward to the election being over. But nothing is "going back to normal" afterwards...it's simply a question of what the changes are going to be, and how we're going to cope with them.

Spoiler alert: liquor will be involved.

BONUS: ELECTION CARTOONS FROM THE HnC VAULT