Friday, December 2, 2011

Meat Depress

Despite candidate Barack Obama's promise that we'd all be eating pie by now (with someone else picking up the bill for it), it turns out that the real menu in these days of disastrous unemployment is quite a bit less appealing.

As a case in point, the president just signed a bill which clears the way for horses to be slaughtered for meat and be federally inspected before heading to American's tables as a mane course.

Although many people are appalled at the notion, horse meat is commonly eaten in a number of other countries. For instance, the French delight in serving entire horses with vats of melted garlic butter. Of course, this is due in no small part to the fact that the French are only courageous enough to hunt docile domestic animals who come when their names are called or can be lured with sugar cubes.

The government is trying to put the best face on their decision to facilitate the production and distribution of horseburger, calling it a good "management tool" for horse owners who can no longer afford to feed their equine friends. They don't, however, say much about why horse owners have run out of funds, why cash-strapped but hungry consumers might soon be arguing over "who gets the hoof," or what the government will ever do about our declining economy other than having Michelle Obama visit "The View" to share recipes that use Clydesdales and yams. Lots of yams.

But for the time being, whether you own horses you can't afford or not, it might be a good idea not to complain too loudly about being saddled with Washington's ongoing fiscal irresponsibility.

After all, look what they're doing to other creatures who were saddled...

For kids hoping to get a pony this Christmas, it's a "good news, bad news" deal.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Low Man on the Poll

Proving once again that he can make history simply by being "present," Barack Obama has now achieved the lowest job approval rating of any President at this stage in his administration.

Achieving only a 43% approval rate, Mr. Obama's numbers are a full 8 percentage points beneath those of Jimmy Carter, a president so awful that even complimentary peanuts have nothing nice to say about him. (Okay, that's an awful joke about the peanut-farming president but astoundingly, even
that punchline has more than a 43% approval rate).

Mr. Carter, gleefully adding insult to injury, has suggested that part of Mr. Obama's problem is that he doesn't really participate in
leading the country... and rather than formulating legislation, he simply "lets Congress evolve multiple bills and then negotiate to get a final decision or even no decision."

Granted, the idea of getting Mr. Obama
more involved in legislation is the same sort of godawful miscalculation that previously made Carter's tenure a political punchline - but he still makes a point.
And gets the last laugh.

Now available at the
Carter Presidential Library Gift Shop.


Monday, November 28, 2011

Above The Calls of Duty

When Hillary Clinton was running for the Democratic Presidential nomination in 2008, she ran a television ad saying that when the world was in crisis and "the phone rang at 3 in the morning," she'd be ready to take the call. She already knew the world leaders and America's military capabilities. She made a good argument...but not as good (in the minds of liberals) as whatever the hell "we are the ones we've been waiting for" means.

And that scary phone which rings in the middle of the night? It's going unanswered by Barack Obama.

At least, that's how it looks to
Hope n' Change as we've examined the grim news headlines this weekend. The economic crisis in Europe appears to be coming to a head, Iran has announced that they've got 150,000 missiles pointing at Israel, and Pakistan has angrily closed a U.S. airbase used for drones as well as cutting off our military supply lines to Afghanistan.

But try as we might, we couldn't find any news stories talking about what the president was doing to
respond to any of these 3 in the morning, or any other time of day.

Instead, weekend news reports said that Mr. Obama went golfing for the umpteenth time, played some hoops, attended a basketball game, and took his daughters shopping at a bookstore to show his support of "Small Business Saturday" (although we think it's likely that small businesses would feel
more supported if the president would stop threatening to raise their taxes).

All of which makes us wonder why, in an administration that has sworn enmity towards bankers, the president insists on keeping banker's hours and taking weekends off?

Of course, it could be a lot worse.

He might actually answer that ringing phone and try to
do something.

Sleep well, America - your president is on the job.