Friday, February 10, 2012

Look! Up In Disguise!

This week, Barack Obama, after tortured months of soul-searching and with great heaviness of heart, decided very, very, very, very reluctantly to allow liberal millionaires and billionaires to pay for campaign ads to destroy the character of anyone who opposes him in the November elections.

Basically, campaign laws forbid insanely huge contributions from an individual to a candidate's campaign because of the possibility it could be seen as an attempt to buy influence or change the course of elections...subverting the will of the noble, threadbare, peasant-class voters on election day.

But a Super PAC (political action committee) sidesteps this by raising money to spend which just happens to benefit their chosen candidate, without the candidate's control or input (wink-wink, nudge-nudge). And such groups of evil, scheming, capitalist, influence-buying bastards are considered a "threat to our democracy" by such Constitutional experts Barack Obama. At least before he decided to embrace Super PAC contributors with open arms.

In fact, in attacking Super PACs in 2007, he said "You can’t say yesterday you don’t believe in them and today, you are having three-quarters of a million dollars being spent for you. You can’t just talk the talk. The easiest thing in the world is to talk about change during election time. Everybody talks about change during election time. You have got to look at how they will act when it’s not convenient, when it’s hard. And the one thing I’m proud of is my track record is strong on this and I’ve walked the walk."

Only it turns out that he hasn't "walked the walk." He "talked the talk" and then grabbed the cash and ran like a crack-addicted bank robber.

Presidential spokesliar and campaign strategist David Axelrod was quick to defend the president's decision to throw out his alleged principles, pointing out that evil Republicans had already enlisted their own evil Rich Guys for Super PACs, and so it was necessary for Barack Obama to reluctantly say "screw the $3 donations from the rabble and the dinner raffles" because he's only managed to cobble together $139,000,000 in campaign funds so far.

And he's going to need a lot more than that to make people forget about his record by November.

Soros's Man! Able to leap tall campaign finance rules in a single bound!

SPECIAL NOTE TO READERS: Just for the fun and mischief of it, I'm planning a little something special for the president on Valentine's Day and I'm going to need your help. I'll give you all the details right here on Monday! -Stilt

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Halfwits in America

Having originally attained fame as "The Man with No Name," iconic film star Clint Eastwood made a big impression during the Superbowl by appearing as "The Man with No Clue" in a two minute political ad for Barack Obama which was pretending to sell Chryslers. Not that either Obama or buying cars was specifically mentioned.

The same liberal mainstream media that has embraced the idea of "dog whistle racism" (in which words like "Founding Fathers" or "Constitution" are considered racist) are ridiculing the idea that the alleged car commercial had any political content. But the script tells another story.

Over a montage of photos of hollow-eyed people who look like extras from "The Grapes of Wrath," Clint growls, "It’s halftime in America. People are out of work and they’re hurting. And they’re all wondering what they’re going to do to make a comeback. And we’re all scared, because this isn’t a game."

Want to buy a new car yet? No? Okay, maybe this is Clint's sales pitch: "I’ve seen a lot of tough eras, a lot of downturns in my life. And times when we didn’t understand each other. It seems like we’ve lost our heart at times. When the fog of division, discord, and blame made it hard to see what lies ahead. "

Oh, that's why Chryslers stopped selling - because we didn't understand each other in the fog of division and discord! Or, um, not.

So hey, Clint, what about the great new features in the latest Chryslers? Tell us about those!

"After those trials, we all rallied around what was right and acted as one," snarls Clint while ignoring our pleas to hear about crash safety, road-hugging driving satisfaction, and superduper government mandated gas mileage. "Because that’s what we do. We find a way through tough times, and if we can’t find a way, then we’ll make one. All that matters now is what’s ahead. How do we come from behind? How do we come together? And, how do we win?"

That's odd. When we hear "winning," we think of contests like elections - not auto manufacturing. And just what do cars have to do with all of us "coming together?"

Theoretically, the spot was intended to show the resurrection of Detroit's auto industry (even though the new shots of a revitalized "Detroit" were actually filmed in Los Angeles and New Orleans) and the fact that the script was written by an ad agency with connections to the Obama campaign is purely coincidental.

Sort of like the way it's purely coincidental that Chrysler received so much taxpayer money from Barack Obama (over a billion dollars of which hasn't been paid back)...and their Superbowl commercial just happens to be making the case to give him a second term.

Frankly, the commercial made us want to do anything but buy a car from Government Motors.

But just maybe, if we watch Clint in "Gran Torino" again, we'll change our minds.

It's Halfwits in America...and they're down 4 trillion to nothing.

Equal Time Reply...

Okay - to be perfectly fair, this DOES look an awful lot like America these days.


Monday, February 6, 2012

Don't Fire Until You See The Whites

Groucho Marx once famously said "I would not join any club that would have me as a member." And while that is usually our policy too, we're sad that we're being excluded from membership in "African Americans for Obama," a new group created by Barack Hussein Obama for the purpose of unifying Americans by dividing them by race.

Hilariously, the PR-savvy website removes the hypen from "African-Americans" in the group's name because many people believe that hyphenated Americans are half Americans. But the hyphen appears everywhere else on the page...along with what we would call a rhetorical "song and dance" if the mainstream media hadn't recently reminded us that this would be tantamount to accusing the president of putting on a minstrel show (although on a side note, we'll mention that Barack Obama's racial posturing would make Al Jolson blush).

Obviously, the president can't just ask for Black Americans to simply vote their skin color, because (in the words of Richard Nixon) that would be wrong. That's for sure!

So he needs to solicit their votes based on all of the wonderful things he's done for the Black community during his administration. Except...there aren't any. Everything that has gotten worse for America under Obama has gotten way worse for Black Americans.

Which is why, in an exquisite bit of weasel-wording, the president's website claims he "has helped strengthen the African-American community by addressing issues like education, health care, unemployment, and taxes." The magic word being "addressing," which Webster's defines as "demagoguing at a teleprompter without actually doing a damned thing."

Seriously, this is the guy who is preventing Black families from getting school vouchers, raising the cost of health care for everyone, killing the job market, and creating tax policies which promise to keep unemployment high. But still...he's addressing Black problems. Just not solving them.

Frankly, Hope n' Change is a little disappointed that the president is so aggressively injecting race into his reelection campaign, and we hope that he'll soon rise to his previous promise of being a racial healer by announcing the creation of another group which even his mother's side of the family could join.

He can call it "Typical White Persons for Obama."

And tell them which drinking fountains they can use.

The good news is that White folks are welcome to the club.
The bad news is that the club is being swung by a Black Panther.