Shaken Reporters

Okay, Trump isn't really going to be pee-boarding anyone (darn it), but just because a story isn't true is no reason not to report it.  At least, in 2017 that seems to be the prevailing journalistic philosophy after a number of news outlets, with varying degrees of enthusiasm and hyperbole, published reports that the Russians were ready to blackmail Donald Trump with secret videos of the billionaire in a Moscow hotel room, paying prostitutes to perform a "golden showers" scenario (peeing) on a bed once used by Barack and Michelle Obama.

The only problem is that there's no evidence whatsoever that this ever happened. None. It's complete and utter claptrap, and less believable than the rumor that the Russians have video of the night the Obamas used that hotel room and someone ended up getting a "dirty Sanchez." (If you don't know the term, for the love of all that's holy don't look it up.  Let's just say it's a sexual act invented by liberals who really, really deserve to be turned into pillars of salt.)

At a press conference on Wednesday, Trump quickly dismissed the preposterous tale - and subsequently refused to take questions from a CNN reporter because that organization was one of the purveyors of this "fake news." Score one for The Donald!

The so-called "Trump Blackmail" dossier has apparently been kicking around for months, with many people in government and media aware of its existence, but unable to do anything with it since none of the accusations held up to scrutiny. Which is frequently the case when a story is complete and utter bullcrap.

Still, the fictitious scandal developed a life of its own behind closed doors. If we're getting the story right (which seems quaint, doesn't it?), the dossier found its way into the hands of John McCain who was so stunned by the scatological accusations that he spat out the acorns he'd been storing in his cheeks for winter.

McCain then gave the report to FBI Director (and unindicted Hillary co-conspirator) James Comey, who - instead of burning the report and suggesting that McCain check into a 12-step program -  apparently slipped the information to perennial lunatic Harry Reid, who demanded the allegations be made public to derail Trump's run to the White House. This is, of course, the same Harry Reid who gleefully boasts about lying his ass off regarding Mitt Romney's taxes as an act of political sabotage.

(And on a side note, Harry, absolutely no one believes your story of getting your face battered and bruised by an exercise rubber band gone rogue. Rather, we strongly suspect that person or persons unknown beat the living tar out of you, then disappeared into the shadows before we could offer to buy them several rounds of drinks.)

Passed around as indiscriminately as Bill Clinton's DNA, the report eventually found it's way to the NBC-affiliated "news" website Buzzfeed (so named because Buttfeed was apparently already taken) which printed every scurrilous word online - kicking off a massive "me too" campaign of other alleged news organization linking to the story without even pretending to fact-check.

As alleged actress Meryl Streep said only days ago, "Disrespect invites disrespect" and "when the powerful use their positions to bully, we all lose. We need the principled press to hold power to account, to call them on the carpet for every outrage."

So far, the real outrages seem to be generated by a press which has deserted anything remotely like principle.

The Thing That Wouldn't Leave

The party's over. America has yawned theatrically, made a show of looking at our watch, gathered up the empty glasses and snack bowls, put them into the sink to soak, and started talking very pointedly about how early we have to get up tomorrow to put in a full day's work. Hint, hint.

But Barack Obama, who has been partying in our house for 8 years, isn't picking up on our subtle message that he should just get the hell out already. Which is why he went to Chicago yesterday to deliver his long-awaited farewell address. And we're talking very long-awaited; personally, we've been awaiting for this skeevy socialist race-baiter to say farewell ever since his inauguration.

Not that we watched his actual speech, of course.  Everything about him - his haughtily uplifted chin, sneering arrogance, monomaniacal self-absorption, and lecturing tone of voice - sickens us and raises our blood pressure to dangerous levels. And we're not about to risk an aneurysm with only days to go.

But according to pre-speech comments from Valerie "I heart Iran" Jarrett, "It's not a victory lap speech. His intention is to motivate people to want to get involved and fight for their democracy."

Coming from someone else, we'd take that as metaphor - but we're pretty sure that Valerie and Barry mean real fighting of the type they've encouraged in the past, with rioting, looting, molotov cocktails, and shrieking lunatics attacking police vehicles.

According to Josh Earnest (which is a phrase that Hope n' Change is really looking forward to never writing again), the crux of Barry's speech will be on "what the president believes is necessary for us to confront the challenges that lie ahead." 

Great. So Obama's advice is going to be "fighting" and "confrontation" to hamper the efforts of the newly-elected President as he tries to restore prosperity and genuine hope to America in the aftermath of a two-term disaster.

But what else would we expect from a man whose every action has been intended to leave the country in worse shape than he found it? A goal which, sadly, is likely to stand as his one actual accomplishment.

BONUS: STREEP TEASE

Speaking of "Oh, STFU"...

Now we know what Al Jolson would have looked like in color.

Intelligence Testy

There are two related stories to discuss today, both on the subject of Intelligence. A word which, needless to say when referring to Washington, refers to "spying" instead of anything remotely like "smartness" or "proper brain function."

Specifically, President-elect Donald Trump has made it clear that he doesn't consider US intelligence agencies to be 100% reliable, especially when it comes to their consensus accusation that Vladimir Putin interfered with our election by disguising himself with a pair of Groucho glasses, then driving a schoolbus filled with Cossacks to various polling places in key electoral states.

But before Hope n' Change dives into the details of the "Russian hacking" story, let's look at Barack Obama's recent claim of advising Trump - strictly as a professional courtesy - that as President he should always trust the US intelligence community.

"There are going to be times," the miserable stain on the Oval Office said, "where the only way you can make a good decision is if you have confidence that the process is working, and the people that you put in charge are giving you their very best assessments."

Really, Barry? Is that how you've conducted your presidency? Not according to the Hope n' Change vault...

Let's review a few fun facts. As president, B. Hussein skipped the majority of his intelligence briefings including the one immediately following the debacle in Benghazi. Barry also had nothing but foreign policy failures, and repeatedly placed the blame on his intelligence agencies.

So why should Trump - or the rest of us - invest our trust in the intelligence agencies who failed to see the rise of Isis? Who missed nuclear weapons development by Iran during our negotiations? Who were unable to connect the dots preceding Putin's many successful aggressions - as well as those of China and North Korea.

These are the intelligence agencies whose keen insights helped bring about nightmare scenarios in Syria, Libya, and pretty much every other country which has mosques. Intelligence agencies which failed to flag September 11th as a potentially meaningful day for terrorists to attack in Benghazi.

Intelligence agencies which, at least according to the administration, found it "no big deal" that Hillary (as freaking Secretary of State) put all of our national secrets on an unguarded personal server just so she could dodge future Freedom of Information Act demands to see documents rightfully belonging to the American people.

All of which brings us back to the "Election hacking" story. The intelligence agencies have now offered up their (ahem) official report on this alleged election-changing, super-sophisticated act of cyber terror, and have found that (cue the shower-stabbing music from "Psycho") Vladimir Putin personally ordered a monumental campaign to undermine our election and put his personal buddy, Donald Trump, into office!

But there's one little problem. While the declassified report is happy to draw this apocalyptic conclusion, it offers virtually no proof. We're asked to accept this poppycock on sheer trust, which would be a lot easier if the Obama administration and intelligence agencies had even an iota of credibility anymore.

But let's look at a couple of important things the report says that we can agree with: there was no hacking or interference with any voting or vote-tallying machines, and the intelligence agencies do not assert that the alleged Russian campaign had any influence on voters or the election. Wow.

It is also noteworthy that the intelligence agencies were able to draw such detailed conclusions considering the DNC failed to cooperate with the investigation, and wouldn't grant the FBI access to their computers. And interestingly, the report fails to note that the sensitive emails eventually released by Wikileaks (again, without direct evidence of Russian involvement) weren't even obtained by "hacking," but rather by a simple "phishing" email sent to John Podesta, in which he revealed that his password (and the key to all of the DNC's documents) was..."password."

The report also states that Putin's evil plan to overthrow our election involved schemes like having Russian newscasts criticize Hillary Clinton more than Donald Trump. Which apparently made a huge impact on the many voters whose primary source of information was Russian newscasts.

We could go on and on (and already have!) but our point is this: thanks to the Obama administration our intelligence agencies no longer have a whit of credibility, nor does their preposterously politicized "Russian hacking" report.

Considering 8 years of wall-to-wall failures, it's not surprising that Americans have decided to turn their backs on alleged "Intelligence" in favor of Donald Trump's promise of common sense.