Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Do Unto Others


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In tonight's "State of the Union" speech, Barack Obama is expected to cast his presidency in a new light...backing away from his failed healthcare initiative, his preposterous visit to Copenhagen to change the climate, his Nobel Prize for bowing, his inability to handle Guantanamo Bay, devastating unemployment, and his granting of Miranda rights to Al Qaeda terrorists before they've been thoroughly questioned.

Instead, Obama hopes to suck up to voters by offering the middle class a tepid grab bag of government goodies. Among the president's earth-shaking ideas: a mandatory plan which would force employers to allow their employees to make IRA deposits from their paychecks instead of having the employees deposit the money themselves.

Of course, this doesn't actually accomplish anything (other than sending the message that the president thinks people are too stupid to figure out how to put money in their own accounts) but will add another $100 million in accounting costs to an already-struggling business environment.

Additionally, the president is expected to propose a "spending freeze" which will lock in the already bloated federal budgets that the president has boosted to all-time highs in his first year.

Fortunately, the "State of the Union" won't be entirely negative. Many people plan to treat it as a drinking game, taking a shot of liquor every time the self-obsessed president says either "I" or "me" (as he did 132 times in a recent speech) and five shots whenever he says "I get it" or "I hear you."

With luck, they won't sober up again until 2012.

11 comments:

alan markus said...

Man, I'd be a little careful with that drinking game!

1/22/10 "Jobs Speech" - 132 times.

http://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2010/01/26/obama_refers_to_himself_132_times_in_one_speech.html

Suzy said...

Yeah I'm thinking you'll be passed out before the speech is half over....not a good idea.

Red said...

Keep being brilliant Stilton!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

Alan & Suzy- for people who want to play a super-safe version of the drinking game, they can take a shot whenever they hear the president say "patriotism," "muslim," or "it was my fault."

But you have to drink a cup of coffee (no fair using decaf!) every time he says a problem was "inherited."

Suzy said...

LOL stilt!!!!!!!!!!!

rbafford said...

Thank God I'm not middle class anymore (BO slid me somewhat lower)! Do you mind if I play the game drinking Thunderbire of MD 20-20?

Annoyed White Male said...

That's one of your recent best.
Thanks anyway, Mr. Obama, you've done quite enough. I need your "help" like I need fatal disease.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

rbafford- According to the Marquess of Queensbury Rules, Thunderbird and MD 20-20 are fine, as is Ripple or any kind of fortified Malt Liquor.

Buzz Bannister said...

I saw somewhere that Screaming liberals were going to have "watching parties"...yuuuuuck!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

Buzz- I'm told that the liberals have their own drinking game, and take a dainty sip of an apple martini every time Nancy Pelosi successfully blinks. Which would make about 3 sips an hour.

TheDarkKnight said...

I wish that Obama and the rest of the progressives would stop inflicting their help upon us