Monday, April 11, 2011

Barack OGarbo



Perhaps owing to the disappointing blow of being forced to cancel his weekend vacation to Colonial Williamsburg (his first vacation in nearly two weeks), Barack Obama opened his heart in an emotionally wrenching media confession, claiming "I just miss...I miss being anonymous."

In fact, the alleged president misses anonymity so much that he's considering making "I Miss Being Anonymous" the title of his third autobiography assuming that Bill Ayers approves.

The heartrending confessions spilled out as Mr. Obama was talking to reporters for Hearst Magazines...because what better forum is there to try to get back your anonymity than a press conference?

"I miss Saturday morning, rolling out of bed, not shaving, getting into my car with my girls, driving to the supermarket, squeezing the fruit, getting my car washed, taking walks. I can't take a walk," sniffled Mr. Obama...obviously confusing himself with FDR.

The saddest man in the world then dabbed his eyes and said that he's
not the golf fanatic that everyone accuses him of being, but "it's the only excuse I have to get outside for four hours at a stretch." Oh sure, he could get plenty of sunlight and fresh air mowing the Whitehouse lawn, or helping Michelle weed her yams. But none of those things would really provide the same feeling of carefree freedom that comes from traveling in a 9-car entourage while burning tens of thousands of taxpayer dollars on an extended game of Putt-Putt.

Frankly,
Hope n' Change admires Barack Hussein Obama's dream of anonymity, and he can count on us to do whatever we can to help him attain it as soon as possible. Within a couple of years, it would be great for him to go back to being the late-sleeping, unshaven, fruit-squeezing, sidewalk-dwelling guy he was meant to be.

But until then, true "anonymity" will just have to remain an elusive dream for the man with
no birth certificate, no school or professional records, no friends from his past, no recollection of the church he allegedly attended for 25 years, or much else.

Hey, rat. Play that sad little song one more time. Suddenly we seem to have tears in our eyes, too...



Barack OGarbo - So icy. So perfect. So unattainable.
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18 comments:

Anonymous said...

I never knew Barak Obama was part of 4chan. That would explain why I've been seeing pictures like this: http://thefreedomsearch.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/Barack_Obama.jpg

I'm Anonymous, maybe I'M Barak Obama! Couldn't fool you, huh? If I were really Obama I'd be complaining about the unflattering pictures Jarlsberg uses of me.

Jim Hlavac said...

If he's "Miss Being Anonymous" does that make his wife "Mr. Congeniality"?

Call me silly (and many do,) but if you move into a house with the news media camped out on the front lawn, one should not complain about being seen.

I think the rat, though, is playing a viola, which is a bit more doleful in tone.

John the Econ said...

Hasn't the nation's most achieving student of Bill Ayers yet learned that in the workers paradise, the private life is dead?

Buck up Mr. President. You signed up for this, remember? Or did you?

Rick Armstrong said...

We should all work to allow this man child to return to his Anonymous Roots of non accountability, not knowing who he "really" is and being able to squeeze the fruit. I know I'll do my part for the usurper.

Ricko

robert said...

Good Gawd! This POS is unbelievable! I have to be President, WAAAAAA!!! Republicans don't like me WAAAAAAA!!! michele was mean to me, WAAAAA!!! I stamp my feet and shake my little hands and still they won't do what I tall them to do! WAAAAAAAA!!!! What? I have to run again? WAAAAAAA!!!!!
If moochele gave him one of her balls, well, they'd both have one.

GregMan said...

Well, I miss my future, my money and my freedom. Wanna trade, Barry?

Pete(Detroit) said...

So, what he's saying that that he no longer even wants to play the President on TV?
Then what the HELL is he doing trying to get 4 more years? Or perhaps he raises a $B, and skips town? That'd be pretty sweet...

Louis la Vache said...

PresiDEBT Zero is afraid the Trumpster has unearthed the truth about who he is, thus longing for his anonymity again...

robert said...

@ GregMan, Exactly right.

Rick said...

Jim everyone knows that Obama's wife is Chewbacca - GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Rick said...

"getting into my car with my girls" oh come-on, he never spends a minute with "his girls" unless the cameras are rolling. I bet they couldn't pick their "Dad" out in a line-up even if the rest of the line-up were all 300 pound chickens. To him they are nothing more then PR Props.

Pete(Detroit) said...

Come now, Rick, 300 lb chickens? Even the stupid DOG could figure that one out. Your average scrawny DC crackhead, however...

JustaJeepGuy said...

Oh, Barry, if only we could believe you really want that anonymity! You'd still have it if more voters had used their brains to vote instead of their emotions.

Colby said...

Hey! I finally have found something that the alleged pres. and I have in common. He longs for the days when nobody knew who the hell he was, and so do I.

Please, Barry! Feel free to golf every day.... ALL day.... even on weekends... you know, like for the next 1 year, 284 days, 11 hours, 36 minutes and 25 seconds. You need the break, and quite frankly, so do we.

sablegsd said...

Jim Hlavac said...

If he's "Miss Being Anonymous" does that make his wife "Mr. Congeniality"?


Hell no. Ain't nothing congenial about that beard.

Bobo said...

What if Oblahma is really the rat "Ben" from the movie of the same name and the demo-rat-crats who voted for him are all the other rats. Then, the balance of power between the rat-crats and Ben begins to shift, with Ben beginning to control all the Ameri-rats and we swarm, becoming increasingly irrational and violent.

Almost sounds possible, doesn't it?

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

Readers- I've been away for much of the day after reporting for jury duty...but clearly the conversation around here hasn't lagged from my absence!

My own opinion is that Mr. Obama is lying through his teeth when he claims he wants to be one of the "little people" again. He ran the first time as a man of the people, and now that everyone knows what an arrogant and elitist SOB he is, he's trying to invent a humility which he's never demonstrated in his life.

Pete(Detroit) said...

Stilt - most reasonable thing I've heard yet, unless the puppet masters keep changing his tune...
Hope all goes well w/ the jury thing. Remember - ain't NO judge crooked enough to foil an honest jury. And, vice / versa, natch..