Monday, May 16, 2011

Fatwa Free

In the wake of Osama bin Laden's widely reported (if little seen) death, information has been released stating that the terrorist leader felt there was no real point in killing vice president Joe Biden because of his unimportance.

Hope n' Change feels compelled to come to Mr. Biden's defense. Obviously he's important, or he wouldn't have had access to the top secret information that the raid in Pakistan was carried out by Seal Team Six...information that he then revealed to the world (and to terrorists eager to seek revenge) despite having agreed not to share any operational details of the mission. Oops! So widespread is Mr. Biden's gaffe that the Walt Disney company has just trademarked the name "Seal Team Six" for commercial exploitation, which rather underscores the Mickey Mouse nature of the vice president's policy on secrecy.

Fortunately for Mr. Biden, the news media hasn't focused much on his "not worth killing" status because of something far more important discovered in Osama bin Laden's lair. Pornography!

Apparently there was plenty of it, though currently there are no plans to show it to the public. According to Barack Obama, the material which he has personally reviewed is "very graphic" and "should not be treated as a trophy" and will only be shared with the president's closest friends and advisors and, perhaps, Charlie Sheen.
Unless Biden gets his hands on which case "72 Virgins Gone Wild" and "Camel Humps" will be found on his Facebook page.



Pete(Detroit) said...

Don't forget Goats Gone Wild, Sheeps Ahoy, and Cat Fanciers 'Pussy of the Year' issue...
I'm sure 'Dogs and Gardening' (aka 'Bitches and Hoes') was NOT in the list, as we all know that dogs are unclean, and harram...

Angry Hoosier Dad said...

John Nance Garner described the office of vice president as "not worth a bucket of warm piss". Some say "spit" but that's the sanitized version. Might he have had a premonition about Gaffemaster Joe? I would surely judge his worth about that of tepid urinary output.

Pete(Detroit) said...

Old Slow Joe would have difficulty thinking his way out of a wet paper bag, or pouring 'spit' out of a boot, w/ instructions on the heel...

niteowl said...

It's quite remarkable what this administration considers "secret". They've revealed to the world previously secret CIA interrogation methods (giving terrorists the opportunity to train specifically for American capture); they've revealed the exact size and strength of America's nuclear arsenal, something no president since WWII had done (can't have the Muslim Brotherhood thinking we don't trust them). There are some secrets that remain secret, though, such as - Obama's passport.

Think about that; a passport contains the following information:
Type of passport
Passport number
Given names
Date of Birth
Place of Birth
Date of issue
Date of expiration
And then, visas, and stamps from countries visited. That's it. No Social Security info, banking info - not even your home address (unless you pencil it in yourself, in the blank page reserved for emergency info).

Yet, for some reason, Obama's passport is considered "Top Secret". Well, maybe that's an exaggeration. It's not really "Top Secret" - after all, he would have shown it to Immigration, in whatever country he visited; plus, any hotel, bank, or currency exchange clerk that requested to see it. (I was once asked for my passport by a hospital receptionist; and while it hasn't happened to me, friends have been asked for their passports, by ordinary cops on the beat). In fact, you could say there is really only one group that he has steadfastly refused to show his passport to:

Chuck said...

What's a word for worse than worse?
Joe was selected for the VP slot as life assurance for BO. Can you imagine Joe as President!?! Long live BO!
The talk is that even BO can't stand Joe.

Pete(Detroit) said...

Bad, Worse, Worsen, Worsener, Worstest

Jim Hlavac said...

Osama didn't want to kill Obama or Biden, because then Pelosi would have been president, and the last thing he wanted was that crazy lady in charge of the place.

Andrew said...

Osama would never harm Obama, his fellow Muslim and heaven-sent servant of Allah, busily leading the Great Satan into dhimmitude surrender.

The specter of 'President Biden' was probably intended as a deterrent to exasperated Americans contemplating emergency regime change. Seems to have worked so far.

The only thing more catastrophic than 'Obama The Marxist Messiah' would be 'Barack The Magic Martyr (whose unfinished work we must carry on)'. Now, that's scary.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Andrew- Another reason Osama wouldn't order the death of Obama is because there was too much risk that a suicide bomber would misread the handwriting and get the name wrong.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Niteowl- You make a good point; this administration's idea of "transparency" is revealing information that gives aid and comfort to our nation's enemies, while hiding basic personal infomation from Americans and passing bills which no one is allowed to read.

Colby said...

I wonder how long poor old Joe pouted when he found out he wasn't on the bin Laden's hit list; hell, he wasn't even the the shit list. I think OBL would have LOVED to have Biden as prez. What a choice! The pro bower / scraper, or the master spewer of inept lameness. Eddie Haskell or Norm Crosby? How to choose a favorite?.....

@Niteowl: When I read your post, for some reason I remembered the hissing snake singing in the movie "Jungle Book."

Trust in me, just in me
Shut your eyes and trust in me
You can sleep safe and sound
Knowing I am around

Slip into silent slumber
Sail on a silver mist
Slowly and surely your senses
Will cease to resist

Trust in me, just in me
Shut your eyes and trust in me

Thank you Sterling Holloway for seeing our future! If only we had seen in time.... all of us that is....

Pete(Detroit) said...

Colby - "Jungle Book"???
Is that a racist reference?

pryorguy said...

Well, if the Obama administration kept all this a secret, the enemy would not have the info they need, and they wouldnt want that, would they?

Frankly, everyone should SHUT UP about how our courageous special ops guys function, it should not be on FOX or anywhere else! Now, I am sure the info that came out is far from comprehensive ( I would hope!), but really!!!! Come on now....everyone up there in 'leadership positions" just shut up!!! Act like grownups for a change!!!

Bruce In KC said...

I don't want to know the identity of the shooter or what unit he's in. I don't want to know the specs of the weapon or ammo. I don't want to know what type and how many helicopters and drones they flew on the mission, or the pilot's shoe size. I don't need to know how much intel material they dragged out of the place, or any of the stranger details. I I need to know is that the murderous bastard is dead. Any more info than that put's everyone (that's you and me too, boys and girls) at risk. Too bad they don't teach operational security in community organizer school.

Bruce In KC said...

Oops, should read "All I need to know is that the murderous bastard is dead." Sorry 'bout that.

Doktor Paulie said...

And to think the lefties used to make fun of Dan Quayle! If they weren't such extreme hypocrites they would surely all be dead of embarassment over Biden by now. In a battle of wits between Biden and Quayle, Biden would be unarmed.

Standby for further startling antics from the most juvenile and common administration in history. You ain't seen nothin' yet.

Pete(Detroit) said...

Dok P - the difference b/n Quayle and Biden is that Quayle merely talked like an idiot...