Monday, February 20, 2012

Bumper Snickers

As always, click the cartoon for larger size

Today is President's Day. A time for us to solemnly reflect on the bold, selfless, country-changing leadership provided by George Washington and Abraham Lincoln, and ask ourselves why we now have a president who is attempting to win votes by giving away balloon animals made out of free condoms.

It's a question that deserves a serious answer, but isn't going to get one anytime soon because most voters can't keep any actual thought in their heads which is more complicated than a bumper sticker slogan. Which is why Barack Obama and his campaign team are now embroiled in a huge, Manhattan Project-style effort to come up with a new Ultimate Campaign Slogan for 2012, since none of the
old ones can be re-used without causing laughter, tears, or possibly riots.

"Hope" and "Change?" Sorry - great name for a webcomic, but no longer anything that Obama can foist off on the public a second time. "Yes We Can?" - not so good, now that we know he couldn't, can't, and probably never wanted to.

And he can't exactly spin any memorable mottos taking credit for progress he's made on his promises to halve the deficit, end bipartisanship, stop earmarks, bring peace to the Middle East, end racial discord, or defend the Constitution.

Nor does he really want to run on what he actually
has accomplished: adding trillions to our deficit, giving aid and comfort to the Muslim Brotherhood, sending the costs of healthcare soaring, and dividing the nation.

And so the job of his campaign team is to come up with a slogan that seems to mean
everything while meaning nothing at all (hey, it worked last time). "Winning The Future" was floated for awhile, until the Whitehouse realized that the acronym WTF was a little too on the nose. "Greater Together" is getting a tryout, but might run into copyright problems since it's also the slogan of every labor union in North America. And, come to think of it, the People's Republic of China.

But given time and an endless amount of money, we're sure that Obama's team will eventually find a phrase to sum up his presidency which is short, punchy, and perfectly meaningless.

In fact, "Perfectly Meaningless" may
be the slogan.

Obama's real bumper stickers (on the left) remind us, "If you can't say anything nice..."


Coon Tasty said...

Given the direction the USA is heading, I'd suggest "Ashes To Ashes" as a campaign slogan for Obama. Or, possibly, "Allahu Akbar".

Angry Hoosier Dad said...

How about...
"Reality - Schmreality. Ignore the truth...just like the media."

Coon Tasty said...

"Four Legs Good; Two Legs Better."

FlyBoy said...

Howse about: "Hey, be glad I don't put Biden in charge" or: "I can't get any worse".

Jim Hlavac said...

"Workers of America, Unite!"
"Free money for everyone!"

Yah, that might work.

This being Lundi Gras, (tomorrow is Mardi Gras, of course,) I'm sure the president will take credit for all the free beads thrown from the New Orleans parades. In fact, he seems to think dollars are like cheap beads, to be thrown with no great precision to anyone with their hands up.

TrickyRicky said...

I don't know, even though I can't take credit for it, I love the straight-to-the-point accuracy of SCOAMF.

John the Econ said...

My contribution: Bush's 4th Term

Happy President's Day! Today is when President Obama steps out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow we have one more year of unemployment.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Coon Tasty- Both slogans have a nice religious quality, which is apparently very important to the president.

@Angry Hoosier Dad- Or maybe borrow Jack Nicholson's line from A Few Good Men: "You Can't Handle The Truth!"

@Coon Tasty- Nice! How about "All's Orwell That Ends Orwell"?

@Flyboy- I like "I Can't Get Any Worse," but every time I find myself believing that of the president, he proves me wrong.

@Jim Hlavac- I like the image of beads being thrown around in Washinton DC while drunks hold up signs saying "Show Us Your Debts."

@TrickyRicky- SCOAMF is a little slice of acronymic perfection. For those who don't know it stands for "Stuttering Clusterf*ck Of A Miserable Failure." And in the dictionary, it has Obama's picture.

@John the Econ- To hear the Bamster tell it, he hasn't had a chance to do anything yet, what with George Bush being responsible for everything in this first go-round. And I'm amazed (wait! No I'm not!) that the media lets him get away with saying that he didn't fix the things he promised to fix, because they were much worse than he imagined, and so he didn't know what the hell he was talking about when he made those promises. Is there not ONE journalist alive in the MSM anymore who could ask the follow-up question: "Then why should we believe you now?"

And I really like the line about Obama's shadow and one more year of unemployment. As the saying goes "it's funny because it's true."

CenTexTim said...

Short, punchy, and perfectly meaningless, eh? That could describe lots of things about obama, but we'll stick to his new slogan. How about:

"Keep the Change"

Kurt said...

For us federal employees, there is no such thing as President's Day. However, Washington's Birthday is a federal holiday, so we do enjoy a day off.

John the Econ said...

@Stilton, things were worse than he imagined? Well damn! We all knew how bad things were. The media sure knew how bad things were. Heck, the media was telling us how bad things were back in 2004! So they of all people should know better, you'd think.

Or is their support of Obama just another fine example of the "soft bigotry of low expectations"?

Colby said...

How about these (please hold your applause until the end):

"Hope - this time I really mean it!"

"Shame you can believe in."

"Mourning time in America."

"Country First (Iran, that is)."

"Puttin' on the Ritz."

"A ladder rung away from Jimmy Carter."

"Because $4 gas is still killing the polar bears."

"Dead Babies R Us."

"Responsibility is not our responsibility!"

"A Volt in every garage; a Dolt for every Czar."

"Sieg Heil!"

OK, OK... I won't quit my day job....

Mike Porter said...

As I recall, it was originally "a milkbone in every dish, a hydrant on every corner... vote for me - I won't hump your leg like the other guy". Of course, anyone with half a brain knew what he meant by that: if you played it smart, the other guy would only hump your leg. Being that the government is pissing away money faster than they can print it, we continue to realize less value in every dollar we earn. So how about 'change for a buck'?

'Hope on a rope' is probably going too far.

My Dog Brewski said...

"Brother can you spare a dime...bag?"

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@CenTexTim- "Keep the Change" is especially funny, because I can see it working for liberals OR conservatives (albeit with very different interpretations!)

@Kurt- I wasn't sure how things worked at the Federal level. Washington's birthday, at least, is well worth celebrating.

@John the Econ- You're right; WE all knew how bad things were, and Mr. Soetoro claimed that he knew how bad things were. So he was either lying or preposterously wrong, and neither is exactly a good reason to let him eff things up for another four years.

But I think the media is also giving in to misdirection: Obama didn't even try to rectify our real problems in his first term, instead using his supermajority to ram through legislation that met his agenda instead of our needs. And so the economy continued to plunge while the president got socialism - oops, I mean Obamacare - ratified.

@Colby- Clap-clap-clap-clap! Definitely a bunch of winners in there!

@Mike Porter- I would imagine some people would find sinister undertones to "Hope on a Rope" that aren't there (more dog whistle racism, Mr. Matthews?) but personally I think it's great!

@My Dog Brewski- Hopefully that's what Obama will be asking when he's back on the streets.

Earl said...

Saw your ad for Hope n' Change watches. Another nice way to show it's time for a change.

pryorguy said...

I think this one sums it up, and imagine them actually using it....ready?..


I think truer words were never spoken if o is reelected.

Emmentaler Limburger said...

Based on his performance re: the debt, I think Stealing The Future a more apropos slogan for him than Winning The Future. (Though, I have to admit, I had fun with WTF on my blog last week.)

Sparky said...

I have a slogan for the Dear Leader that's a sure hit:

"Change The Dope For Real Hope"

Suzy said...

I think he's planning on becoming a travel agent after he gets out of the Oval Office, all the vacations he takes....

Larry Sheldon said...

And don't like Letterman. At all. Posted (to Facebook) on the assumption that there is a copyright issue pending.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Earl- I almost wish the Hope n' Change watches didn't have a second hand, so I could advertise "No second hand - No second term!"

@Pryorguy- Good one!

@Emmentaler- I like "Stealing the Future" for our Commander-in-Thief.

@Sparky- Catchy! Plus it has that whole Johnny Cochran "If the gloves don't fit, you must acquit" rhyming thing going for it!

@Suzy- The problem with Barry becoming a travel agent is he has no idea how much a trip actually costs.

@Larry Sheldon- Letterman?! You thought the guy in today's cartoon was Letterman? Nah, that's just some generic clipart guy who doesn't have a team of lawyers. (Gulp)

Colby said...

Wow, there are a bunch of good ones posted; hope BO is watching to get some good ideas.

How about this one from BO's older twin, Adolph:

"He alone, who owns the youth, gains the future."

I guess that isn't really a slogan...

In a totally unrelated matter... I turn 60 Saturday. I did some math, and the national debt equals about $8,450 per second of my life.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Colby- You're right, that isn't a's a warning.

And early Happy Birthday wishes on your upcoming 60th! That means you only need to work another 25 years in this economy and you can retire!

Colby said...

OK... just one more.

"Vote YO for Soro's Ho!"

"Four More for Soro's Whore?"

... yeah, that was two. Sorry

Colby said...

Oh, and Stilton. Thanks for the congrats, but I will count myself lucky if I get to work 25 more years before the death panels lead me naked into the "showers" with all the other old people.

pryorguy said... but that is so outrageous-sounding no one believes it! But I do! History CAN repeat itself if we let it!

pryorguy said...

This could be a bit of good news...from American Thinker, the link is below if youd like to go there...

The geographic concentration of much of President Obama's political support in a few large Blue States and urban areas means that he could be defeated for re-election this November even while winning the popular vote.

Read more:

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Colby- Oh, don't be so suspicious. Sure, we old folks will be sent to the showers - but there will also be ovens to dry us off!

@Pryorguy- Any quirk of demographics which helps defeat Obama is fine with me. And by fine, I mean "Oh PLEASE let it happen!!!"