The Gandhi Man Can

Never one to be shy about proclaiming his own inflated sense of wonderfulness, Barack "Two Autobiographies" Obama recently compared himself to Mahatma Gandhi at yet another high dollar fundraising event.

Specifically, he invoked the names of Gandhi and Nelson Mandela to say that he was like them in the sense that they both took a long, long time to finally accomplish their goals...and that the president is therefore following in their historic footprints by not having gotten much of anything accomplished yet either. It's the sort of spinning which would make even a Whirling Dervish reach for the Dramamine.

Still, Hope n' Change is willing to accept the comparison of Mr. Obama to Gandhi because, unlike the president's young speechwriters who are only familiar with the history they've seen in movies, we know a little more about the leathery little man's rather quirky peccadilloes.

For instance, he really did drink his own urine every day, believing it to be healthy if not exactly minty fresh. For recreation, he frequently beat the living hell out of his wife - believing that non-violence was a great policy to preach to the world, but of very little use in personal relationships.

While not unwilling to have extramarital sex (in fact, almost only extramarital sex) with his groupies of all ages, Gandhi occasionally felt the need to prove his ability to overcome carnal urges by sleeping with naked young girls in his bed and trying to resist them. A practice which the "Never Say No To Sex" Democrats would surely find abhorrent.

But Gandhi was, above all, a rebel. For instance, he completely disregarded the old saying "with friends like these, who needs enemas?" Because the great man absolutely loved getting enemas and needed lots of them. And it was considered a huge honor when he chose one of his followers to insert the tube in his rectum.

Truthfully, we don't know how many of these practices Mr. Obama subscribes to. Although if he decides that he does need help with that enema, we'd be willing to do our patriotic duty and give the tube a little shove.

Wait, did we say tube? We meant the Keystone XL pipeline.
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