The fact that the president is giving his wife such a wonderful and generous gift should silence all those wagging tongues which have lately been suggesting that there has recently been serious friction in the First Marriage - an ugly rumor which we certainly won't repeat here the way some sleazy but almost invariably accurate tabloids do.
No, we absolutely believe that this is a nice birthday present (Michelle turns 50 on January 17th) which will allow her to take time off from having Barry around (and wouldn't we all enjoy that gift?) and...well, wait a minute. Technically, she didn't see much of Barry when he was IN Hawaii, because he spent almost every day golfing and cruising around in Choom Wagon One, sucking down primo pakololo and hitting mailboxes with baseball bats.
So apparently, the real birthday gift is giving the first lady time away from her daughters, Malaria and Sushi, which is understandable considering that the Obamas have described children as the "punishment" which comes from having recreational sex.
But in the end, it really doesn't matter if what we're seeing is a bad marriage, bad parenting, or simply bad stewardship of our tax money. All that really matters is that the first lady have a good time, and that she hurries back to Washington soon.
After all, while her husband is busy declaring war on "income inequality" in this country, she's got to plan a gigantic, all-star, "money is no object" 50th birthday gala for herself.
Presumably with no children allowed.
Clearly she's hangin' a lot more than ten...