Monday, January 13, 2014
READERS- Okay, today's offering is a little odd even by our usual lax standards. As I've mentioned, I'm cleaning out years of clutter from my office, and one of the things I unearthed was a thick file of jokes I wrote years ago for Jay Leno.
Not, of course, that Jay Leno wanted the jokes. But he would take fax submissions from anyone and, if he liked your joke, he'd buy it for $50. Which is, after months of trying, what I eventually earned for my one and only joke that made it into a Tonight Show monologue (I still have the uncashed check from "Big Dog Productions," signed by Leno).
By the way, at the time I was also writing for a daily comedy newsletter service providing topical material to radio stations nationwide (and earning some nice money), so I wasn't completely delusional about my comedic chops.
Unsurprisingly, the topical jokes I wrote back in 1995 or so now have a thick layer of unfunny dust on them...but before they head out to my recycling bin, I thought I'd give them a proper sendoff by creating this one imaginary monologue that might have happened back then, but didn't...
PS: Jay, if you're reading this - I'm still available. Let's do lunch!