Despite putting on our new Google Thinking Cap (Google Glasses are so five minutes ago) while reviewing the news, there wasn't any single story which felt worthy of an entire commentary. Ergo, we're going the smorgasbord route today.
Among the wretched news items which caught our eye (and caught in our throat): Barack Obama's West Point speech at which he declared that he believes in American exceptionalism "with every fiber of my being," despite having less personal fiber than the average ball of cotton candy. He then continued, saying "But what makes us exceptional is not our ability to flout international norms and the law." In other words, the president went to West Point to take a big, steaming dump on the military and the United States.
Also in the news, Michelle Obama has accused some Republicans of hating women, children, and the poor and wanting them to suffer from malnutrition. Why? Because of their effort to allow those people to buy white potatoes with their government handouts if they so choose. "For too many years, white potatoes oppressed potatoes of color," the first lady said angrily, "especially the potatoes from Idaho."
Okay, we just made up the quote from Michelle - we just like to imagine her saying "Idaho" because we have a juvenile and politically incorrect sense of humor. But she is against white potatoes, despite her husband's annual St. Patrick's Day claim to be Irish.
Going back to last week's commentary on the 9/11 Museum Gift Shop, Hope n' Change is pleased to see at least one item being thrown out of the store: a decorative cheese platter in the shape of the United States with three adorable little hearts marking the spots where Americans died in agony at Ground Zero, the Pentagon, and in Shanksville, Pennsylvania. Frankly, everyone in the supply chain responsible for this nightmarish novelty item should be given a one way plane ticket adorned with an adorable little heart marking their new home at Guantanamo Bay.
And finally, there was an interesting story about a new study which shows that people with cynical outlooks are three times more likely to develop dementia in their old age. Considering how cynical this administration makes us, we're not crazy about that idea - but apparently, we soon will be.