Fortunately, the president plans to issue magic executive orders which will save the planet by raising taxes, closing businesses, cutting off energy supplies to United States citizens, giving hundreds of millions of dollars to Democrat donors with imaginary "green energy" companies and, in a nod to his allegedly Hawaiian roots, throwing capitalists into active volcanoes.
He would have called for throwing in virgins but, thanks to the initiatives of the Left, they're all gone.
And This Just In And Out
Just in time to bump news stories about the Benghazi scandals, White House obstructionism and lies, and a high-powered highly motivated new investigative Select Committee headed by Trey Gowdy, Monica Lewinsky has flounced her way back into the spotlight for another 15 minutes of infamy.
Monica has granted an extensive interview to Vanity Fair magazine about the extremely serious topics of blowjobbery and dry cleaning, which is way more fun for the media to report than another recounting of Ambassador Chris Stevens' dull old murder and sodomizing.
Interestingly, Monica claims "my boss took advantage of me" but then oxymoronically states that there was no "abuse" until he made her a political scapegoat. Still, it's nice for bosses to now have it "on the record" that taking sexual advantage of their female underlings isn't abuse.
Which goes hand in hand (and cigar in the vajayjay) with Bill Clinton's advice to our nation's youth that oral sex isn't sex at all, even if it can spread disease, destroy reputations, break up real marriages (hint, hint), and cripple a presidency...allowing little "accidents" to happen like a preoccupied Slick Willy saying "no thanks" when, prior to September 11, 2001, he was offered Osama Bin Laden tied up in a bow.
Is Hope n' Change really suggesting that the World Trade Center went down at Ground Zero because Monica went down on Bill Clinton? As a matter of fact, we think it's a real possibility. Which is why we wish Ms. Lewinsky had the good sense to stay gone from the public spotlight.
Trust us, Monica - you don't need to suck any more air out of the news cycle. You've sucked enough already.