Monday, December 29, 2014

Aloha Blow

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, hawaii, vacation, sports, espn, daily briefing
As a tumultuous and sometimes tragic year draws to a close, there is one question which is undeniably on every American's mind: is president Barry having big fun on his every conceivable expense paid Hawaiian über-vacation?

Happily, the answer is of course he is! Per a hard-hitting story from CBS News (representing their deepest piece of investigative journalism all year), the athletically-gifted president is playing oodles of golf, visiting the gym (and lingering in the shower room), and bowling. Which is especially difficult in Hawaii because the game is played with coconuts and Tiki glasses from Trader Vic's.

Sadly, one of the reasons the president golfs so much is that his basketball game has suffered owing to the unending time demands of being the smartest and most important person in the universe. "Man, my jump shot is broke," Obama recently wept. "I've been working too hard."

And what work it is. According to a recent radio interview, when the harried and hurried president is in the White House, his daily routine is brutally inflexible. "I spend most of my time watching ESPN in the morning," he explained. "I get so much politics I don’t, you know, want to be inundated with a bunch of chatter about politics during the day." 

Which would certainly explain why he can't be bothered to attend his morning security briefings. Or meet with those darn politically-chattering Republicans. Or apparently do much of anything else with his time during the day other than meet with the likes of Al Sharpton to chat about sports. Assuming that race war can be considered a sport.

BONUS: Missing Linkster

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, kim jung un, north korea, sony, hacking, monkey
This is the kind of deplorable, racist humor that Hope n' Change won't stand for!

In a frightening escalation of tensions related to the hacking of SONY Pictures (which most people other than our government officials no longer believe can be blamed on North Korea), an official statement has been issued by the government of impish dictator Kim Jung Un which calls Barack Obama a "monkey in a tropical forest."

This is completely and entirely unacceptable, as there are plenty of non-racist ways of insulting America's first halfrican, semi-Muslim, bi-curious, socialist, lying, anti-constitutionalist, cop-hating,  dope-smoking, blow-snorting, border-busting, fiddle-dick, douchebag, undocumented imperialistic monarch without going down the sad, ugly road of simian stereotyping.

Especially from a little Korean pork-pie who looks like the Pillsbury doughboy wearing Joseph Stalin's moustache as a toupee.

Last warning, Kimster. Drop the racism and call Obama an asshole like everyone else does, or be prepared to face the awesome wrath of Hope n' Change.


Popular Front said...

It is really hard to decide who is the most annoying (and irrelevant, in so many ways) person at this point in time - is it Kim Jong-Lardass or Obamayomama? I throw that question open to all Americans to answer. As an Australian, I find them BOTH to be cardboard cutouts of real people, and as such to be targets of continuing derision.

FlyBoy said...

N Korea isn't the first to call Barry a chimp. Vlad Putin is sometimes heard referring to the Bamster as a "monkey with a hand grenade" (really).

REM1875 said...

WTG DOC!!!! On the fabulous 50 award.
You deserve it.

pdwalker said...

Those are harsh words man, harsh!

Geoff King said...

Even before Sony decided to release "The Interview" after all, I believed the entire fiasco was a publicity stunt to increase ticket sales of a lousy movie. When it opened on Christmas Day, it also became available on the internet in high-def, both as a pay per view on YouTube and as a free torrent file from several sources. I opted to download it as a torrent, and after viewing it, realized I was correct - it is a lousy flick. I deleted it as soon as the credits started. I got a bigger laugh from what Kim Jong Un called Øbonzo than from the entire so-called comedy movie.

American Cowboy said...

WELL. . . I will not stand for the "racist" humor shown in your second panel. So I sat down! (drum roll) I don't know why, but Kim Jung Dung calling Øbama a monkey keeps me thinking of the phrase, "pot calling the kettle black." I just can't win, I must be another racist.

Anonymous said...

A couple of months ago it was Wicked Black Monkey. Un has toned down his rhetoric.

Jim Hlavac said...

I suppose this new movie, The Interview, gives new meaning to "the bombing starts in 5 minutes." It has opened to miserable reviews. I for one can't believe the North Koreans broke into any computers, for they wouldn't have the people able to hack into a sack, never mind well protected mainframes. Now we hear that NK's internet access is interrupted -- who even knew anyone there had access to it? That the world seems content to keep 17 million people in prison for the hell of it and respect for sovereignty of a fake nation is mind boggling. Perhaps Al Sharpton can go there with Dennis Rodman and teach the Dear Leader about racial respect and sing "let those people go."

As for the racial tensions in this country, with all the racism that supposedly exists I'm in shock that white America still spends so much time watching sports, with the ample supply of star black athletes. Though, mentioning that athletes are black might itself be racist.

As for the bedraggled rioters of our nation, and those who play dead in shopping malls and airports, perhaps these people should follow the gay folks example, and try to get married and file a joint tax return. That should annoy enough people to elicit endless discussion and court cases over the perils of peaceful taxpayers in love.

Well, Happy New Year everyone.

Bruce Bleu said...

Hey, Popular Front,
My grandfather was from Perth, so, I'm more of an "Aussie" than Lizzie Warren is an "Indian". I don't know much about "down under" except for your Prime Minister making GREAT comments using a political pariah called WISDOM! Do you need a new neighbor? Does your country allow for dual citizenship with the Colonies?
As far as "who is the most annoying", it would HAVE to be the afrikenyan-amerikenyan golfer lamont insane obama, because the Pillsbury Dough-dictator doesn't have the potential impact of the guy who rests his feet on the Resolute Desk.

American Cowboy,
When you "sat down", there was a "rim-shot", not a "drum roll", and, considering who you are talking about, the phrase could be the "marijuana calling the kettle 'african-american". On the subject of racism, if you are white, you AUTOMATICALLY are a racist, (in the eyes of TRUE racists like Jesse Jerkson and Al Not-so-sharpton). There is NO cure, there is NO remedy... just a continuous litany (Merriam Webster definition #2) of accusations from racist morons and the ignorant.

To communicate effectively, you need to be sensitive to nuances of language, so I would suggest exhorting KJU to call lamont an "asshore" or "plick" so he will understand what you're saying.

Butterkäse said...

OMG, Doc!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Oh my, that last part was simply hilarious. First part too, sure. Sadly, I am just counting the days and hoping the the CPUSA (the Dems) do not stage a coup, which would require balls and so the first part is just really reassuring. But yeah funny.

But the second part! Ha!!!!!!!!!!!!

More coffee...

Shelly said...

I just finished reading an article linked on Drudge about two army captains who were told the day before their wedding they would have to relocate it because Obama wanted to play golf at the venue. Of course, after it made the news, he put in a personal call to the bride. Despicable is too soft a word for this man.

American Cowboy said...

@Bruce Bleu
Yeah, I should have know that. I had another news induce brain fart.

Oh well, back to the work at hand, and only -15 below WC.

Burner said...

Gee, Stilton, tell us how you (and we) really feel.....

I think you left out a few more descriptive phrases for Barry. I'd contribute, but I'm a family man.

DougM said...

Sometimes a thousand words from you is worth more'n any picture — motion or otherwise.

Rod said...

This all reminds me of another great humorist, Theodore Roosevelt's eldest & sassy daughter Alice Roosevelt Longworth who said: "My father always wanted to be the corpse at every funeral, the bride at every wedding and the baby at every christening."
I'm talking about the humor; clearly NOT comparing TR to any of these contemporary asses.

PRY said...

I always feel better after I vent, too, Doc!!

This whole scenario known as 'our government' is feeling more and more like a pulp-fiction story, full of unbelievable personalities and outrageous behavior the likes of which belong on the big screen in Hollywood projects such as "Idiocracy"!
Was there not a time when you or I, before, oh, say...2008, if some seer of the future told us the direction so many things dear to our hearts would go...we would NOT have believed it! But, one thing I have learned...things can really go to crap in a short amount of time, especially with the right characters (Sharpton, Holder, Obama, Pelosi, Farrakhan, Reid, et al) taking the lead with NO RESISTANCE WHATSOEVER!

God give us some sanity in the new year by allowing Congress to grow a pair!

Pecozbill said...

I hope by now, everybody has heard how, because he wanted to play golf Sunday, two active duty Army Captains, guy&gal, were given short notice that the wedding that they had planned for months at the clubhouse would have to be cancelled, postponed or moved!!!!

This from their Commander in Chief!

Fortunately the Base Commander gave them space on his front law overlooking the golf course for their caterer to set up!!!

Geoff King said...

6 years, 31 vacations, over $44 million charged to the taxpayers and counting:

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Popular Front- I'll have to gently disagree with applying the word "irrelevant" to either Barry or Kim. That being said, they're only relevant because they're dangerous.

@FlyBoy- Not only is Vlad the master of the snappy insult, he's also come up with a pretty good name for a band.

@REM1875- The great thing about awards is that they make it easier for the NSA to prioritize their use of drones.

@pdwalker- Harsh, but not inaccurate (grin).

@Geoff King- The SONY hacking scandal gets curiouser and curiouser. I've seen some decent reportage suggesting that it was an inside job (albeit not necessarily a stunt) because the stolen files were copied at USB 2.0 transfer speed - suggesting the use of a thumb drive on an internal company terminal.

But apart from that, "The Interview" seemed like a bad idea for a movie - and I trust your critique that it is a bad movie.

@American Cowboy- I really do detest racist humor, although I'll say that race-based humor isn't the same thing. Maybe it's the eye of the beholder. Or the eye of the Eric Holder.

And yes, Kim Jung Un shouldn't get in a teasing contest with anyone. He looks like a prepubescent Ewok.

@Anonymous- Maybe Dennis Rodman told him "ixnay on the wicked black stuff, bro."

@Jim Hlavac- It seems odd that if North Korea does have sophisticated hacking abilities that they'd display them so openly for so little reason. Something ain't passing the sniff test here.

@Bruce Bleu- Of the two choice, I prefer "plick."

@Butterkäse- I'm sure some people are surprised to hear me mount such a full-throated defense of the president. Sure, I dislike the man - but we must maintain and demand respect for the office. Even if it will need to be fumigated in two years.

@Shelly- Barry should have offered to fly the wedding guests to the White House for the ceremonies. It's not like he was using it.

@Burner- Trust me, I've only scratched the surface of telling you how I really feel. (grin)

@DougM- Thank you, sir. At times like this, I don't think of myself as an author - rather, I'm a conduit for a foul-mouthed muse who probably isn't cold sober.

@Rod- I think Barry is quoted as saying it's nice, on very rare occasions, when he's not the most interesting man in the room. I guess when you think you're the center of the universe, it goes without saying that you must also be the center of attention.

@PRY- No, if someone told me this "future" back in 2008, I wouldn't have believed them. Heck, I've watched it happen and I still don't believe it!

@Pecozbill- In fairness to Barry, considering who he married I can understand his antipathy towards weddings.

@Geoff King- You're looking at it the wrong way; he's not spending our money, he's simply spreading our wealth to hellish places like Hawaii.

Anonymous said...

You best one ever!

pdwalker said...


No, you're words are spot on and perfectly apt.

I was thinking of the complainers who'd disagree with you, so I was hearing those words spoken in this voice (10 second video)

pdwalker said...

( this video, in case the link didn't come through: )

Rod said...

I just discovered Hope N Change this year; and thank you sir, it's been one of the highlights. It also seems like 2014 went by at warp speed.

Happy New Year everyone. Yes, we shall retain our senses of humor.

I hope to live long enough to see how genuine American history records the ridiculocity of this administration.