Wednesday, October 26, 2016
Okay, we actually have no way of knowing if those were the exact words Barry's father used when dumping him...or, for that matter, if they were the words Barry's mother used when dumping him on his grandparents. But we suspect they're the words that millions of Americans are currently tweeting.
And we're talking about tweeting (an activity which we hold in low regard) because Barack Obama - having little else to do now that he's fixed America - recently visited the Jimmy Kimmel show to read and react to "mean tweets" about himself.
Although frankly, Hope n' Change didn't find the selected tweets to be particularly mean - we could have personally penned a few which, to use the common parlance, would have torn him a new asshole. But instead, the tweets were carefully selected (including one from Donald Trump) to provide easy straight lines for entirely-scripted rebuttals from the celebrity president.
Of course, the purpose of Barry's visit wasn't really to indulge in self-effacing humor, but rather to continue disparaging Donald Trump in the run-up to Election Day. Which would hardly seem necessary if the apocalyptic one-sided polls are to be believed...but apparently Barry doesn't believe the race is over, and neither do we.
Still, it's going to be a long two weeks until Election Night - and much like a 140-character tweet, we're already at our limit.
BONUS: ABSORBING CONVERSATION
As part of the media's attempt to discourage actual voting, there are many reports that Hillary's team has confidently shifted their attention from winning the election to smoothly transitioning into the White House. Which we picture going something like this...