In the greatest blow to the Swiss since foreign powers stole their Army's plans for overly-complicated pocket knives, Julian Assange has announced that Wikileaks' newest stunt will be to reveal the secret Swiss bank accounts of the high and mighty.
In a televised ceremony slightly more elaborate than the Golden Globes, former Swiss banker Rudolf Elmer handed Assange two CDs which are believed to contain the closely-guarded bank records of 2000 people. Unless the disks accidentally got switched and are, in fact, the Lady Gaga recordings which Elmer was listening to while stealing the data files.
Frankly, we're looking forward to finding out who's been stashing away money and avoiding taxes (humanity's coldest crime). Politicians? Celebrities? Newscasters...?
Meanwhile the Swiss banking industry is in a state of panic not seen since the early 40's, when Nazis opened billions of dollars' worth of new, secret bank accounts...then demanded over 300,000 toasters before they'd leave the lobby.
For now, all we can do is wait for Mr. Assange to start revealing the information on Wikileaks. And warn him to watch out for pocketknives.
-
11 comments:
I wonder if the Kennedy Accounts will include Gold teeth taken from Jewish mouths by the NAZI friends of their father? I also wonder if the Soros account will show deposits from Satan for his soul?
The definition of irony: I love when Assange's lawyers were "outraged" when the details of his sex arrest were "leaked".
I do not share in the glee that so many feel about confidential information of wealthy people being exposed. If they have committed no crimes, then they have a right to expect their confidentiality will be respected. I assure you I am not and will never be one of them, but I feel a common bond with anyone who's supposedly protected information is treated like common gossip. Remember, if they can do it to them, they can do it to you...and they will.
Angry Hoosier Dad- I'm in complete agreement, and have no love for Assange or his methods. Although "Swiss Bank Account" has become a synonym for corruption or wrongdoing, there are actually plenty of legal and logical reasons that a person with wealth might wish to open such an account.
So I'm not endorsing the invasion of privacy, or breaking laws about confidentiality. I'm just confessing that I might feel a touch of schadenfreude depending on which big fish end up in the net.
this comic is awesome
I understand what you mean about schadenfreude, Stilton, but I can't help but think that, like dolphin in a tuna net, they all taste the same ground up and canned.
Angry Hoosier Dad- No argument here. Just in general, I consider Assange and Wikileaks to be additional cogs in the "Hell in a Handbasket" machine we seem to find ourselves trapped in these days.
Hmmm well I would have to guess that more often than not, people opening Swiss bank accounts if they do NOT live in Switzerland, are trying to avoid something...like paying taxes...or something similar.
Switzerland makes it pretty good just sitting quietly back out of the limelight and banking the worlds most silent billionaires and/or criminals....
I'm no gleeful, but on the other hand, it'd be interesting to know who is banking in Switzerland...and why....not that I plan on losing sleep until I find out.
If they do leak banking information it will only be of "chose" individuals.
Not Oprah, Teresa Heinz or John Corzine.
What I'd like to know is when will Wikileaks release some really useful information... like Obongo's school transcripts, real birth certificate, etc. etc.
Necron99, you know that will never happen! Dream on!
Post a Comment