Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Government Shakeup



It's rare that "earthshaking news" out of Washington is anything of the kind... but yesterday it actually happened when our nation's capitol was rocked by a 5.9 earthquake.

Despite the fact that virtually every government office in Washington was immediately evacuated, and airports and nuclear power stations shut down, Barack "No Drama" Obama showed remarkable courage by taking a briefing by phone while on the golf course and looking completely disinterested, except for chuckling a couple of times.

Still, his well-concealed concern for the security of our institutions and the lives of the innocent were clearly revealed when he blew his next putt.


Meanwhile, unfounded rumors that Washington had been destroyed entirely rocked Wall Street, causing the Dow Jones to skyrocket more than 322 points.

In honor of our current president, Hope n' Change believes that the geologic anomaly which produced the earthquake should be given a name which is not only accurate, but has been woefully underused by the mainstream media.

It is, of course...Obama's Fault.

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The president takes a moment of solemn reflection.
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27 comments:

Anonymous said...

Uh-huh, I see...no way I can use this to boost my numbers? Ha ha ha, that's funny, fly back to DC? As if...! I'm only on the 9th hole, just have the National Guard fly in some peas and don't call me again unless I can get some bump in the damned polls, got it? (click) Sheesh, Plouffe is really losing his touch.

Dave said...

Earthquake? What earthquake? That wasn't an earthquake! That was just the economy hitting rock bottom!

inaformerlifeanexpat said...

In pre-Mao China, emperors/dynasty's ruled by what in English is translated as 'The Mandate of Heaven'. However, when a series of natural disasters struck, (famine, drought, earthquakes, Mongol Horde, etc., etc.,) it was considered then that the emperor/dynasty has fallen out of favor and its Mandate of Heaven had been revoked, thus......... Flash forward to now, and with who we have occupying (unfortunately) the WH now, and ......... Just sayin'

Michelle said...

"unfounded rumors that Washington had been destroyed entirely rocked Wall Street, causing the Dow Jones to skyrocket more than 322 points"
I laughed out loud! Awesome!

Jim said...

THIS JUST IN: Geologists identified the exact location today where the tectonic plates shifted under the Washington Area, and the Obama administration has decided to name it Bush's Fault.

A friend of mine sent me this on Facebook yesterday and I thought I would share.

Jim said...

Another friend of mine said yesterday, "That was no earthquake, that was our founding fathers turning over in their graves."

Pete(Detroit) said...

Actually felt it here in Detroit, was kinda cool - building did a little bit of a boogie..

Jim, the Founding Fathers line is rich..

Kelly From Wi said...

I thought the "Earthquake" was caused by the ledger of the National Debt falling off the Presidential Desk!

John the Econ said...

It's been over 12 hours and I have yet to hear this blamed on "global warming".

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Anonymous (top)- You're right. If there's no poll bump, there's no interest from Obama.

@Dave- Your theory may be right. Plus, it still fits the video of Obama getting the news and not caring.

@inaformerlifeanexpat- Let's not be too hasty to throw out this "Mandate of Heaven" idea. I think you're on to something!

@Michelle- What, you thought that was a joke?

@Jim- "Bush's fault" is a great punchline, and I salute whoever came up with it originally. The "founding fathers" line is pretty darn good too.

@Pete(Detroit)- Several years ago, I was in a 6.0 quake in Hawaii. It definitely catches your attention!

@Kelly from Wi- That could definitely do it. It would also explain why the recently raised Debt Ceiling is now filled with cracks.

@John the Econ- They can't blame earthquakes on global warming, because everyone knows they're caused by racism.

Andrew said...

Aww, I was hoping to be first to hop onto earthquakes being raaaaaacist.

I'm looking now for a major lava eruption on Obama's return to DC, highly localized to the 1600 block of Penn Ave. That would be worth 10,000 points on the Dow.

Pete(Detroit) said...

@Stilt @John -
Clearly, you have forgotten, earthquakes are caused by scantily clad women..

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boobquake

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Andrew- Hey, you snooze you lose. (grin) And a very centralized volcano might just be the economic stimulus we've been waiting for! Taking a cue from our allegedly Hawaiian president, I'll start making offerings of rice and spam to Madame Pele and ask for her help.

@Pete(Detroit)- Finally someone introduces some actual science around here! Thanks, Pete!

Dave said...

It's not that Oblamer was concerned about the earthquake that caused him to miss his putt....it was that he was disappointed that such a clearly Tea Party attack on the USA didn't do more damage. If it had done more damage he would have gotten 2 things out of it....another setback in the economy he is attempting to destroy and something else to blame the slow economy on.

TheOldMan said...

Out here, I use a 5.9 quake to stir my hot cocoa in the morning.

John the Econ said...

Meanwhile, just got a letter from my health insurance carrier. Going up only 14%. Thanks Obama, I was expecting 20%!

Doktor Paulie said...

@The OldMan: holy mackerel! You can summon an earthquake when you need one!? Wait a moment while I get down to grovel at your feet!

Now, then! @The OldMan, can you aim a hurricane where you want it to go, because if you CAN, and if we can lure all the politicians back to DC, we're in business for some REAL reform and economic stimulus! Can you turn the thing into a Cat 5!?

Angry Hoosier Dad said...

I read that several Californicators were making fun of the way easterners behaved during the mild quake. Yet dust an eighth of an inch of snow on CA and watch the natives go crazy driving their cars into ditches and onto their neighbor's lawns.
Unfamiliarity with certain phenomena is a bitch, isn't it?

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Dave- Maybe it's time some of the blame went to Obama's unending "Tee Party"...

@TheOldMan- And that's the spirit that made America great!

@John the Econ- I'm waiting for that particular timebomb to land in my mailbox any day now. Just when exactly does Obamacare start "bending the cost curve down" again?

@Doktor Paulie- Aiming a Cat 5 hurricane at the politicians would be like running all of Washington through an intense (and overdue) carwash.

@Angry Hoosier Dad- Good point! And maybe that's the reason that talk of "fiscal responsibility" causes panic on both coasts!

John the Econ said...

@Stilton: I'm certain that the Obamatons would tell you that they've already "bent the cost curve" like they did with unemployment. If it weren't for them, it would have gone up 30%!

Pete(Detroit) said...

@Stilt @AHD - HARF! Spew! So Tru Dat!!!!
BITD (80's) When I was living in College Station (yes, I'm an Aggie, and will admit it) the entire town(s) (included 'twin' of Bryan, TX) were pretty much shut down one fine winter day. Not from snow, or ice, but just plain cold... it got down to 20, and the gas pipes were not big enough to supply all the biz AND all the houses w/ enough gas - so they told the biz to go in, set 'stats to 50, fig'd that would leave enough gas in pipes to keep houses at (shiver!) 70. Seemed to work. But GEEZE, we go MONTHS here, some years, w/o warming UP to 20, and I tend to keep winter 'stat at 62 and wear a sweater... But hey, I'm cheap like that... Long way of saying, yeah, the Devil you Know..
(Eff E-quakes, wild fires, mudslides of so-cal; volcanoes of HI, Hurricanes everywhere - I'll take a bit of cold / snow, and the occasional tornado - you can hide from tornadoes..)

Colby said...

...and the libs will use this to back up an attempt to spend a few trillion bucks on "new infrastructure." You know, if a big one hit Washington, why it might just "shut down THE GOVERNMENT!!!"

I say we build one of those man made, floating islands, put Washington, DC on it, and float it about ten miles off the NC coast so it will be "safe" from earthquakes.

Pete(Detroit) said...

Colby - tow it into the path of a convenient cat 4 hurricane?

Anonymous said...

Silly people, do you really think there's (hardly ever) snow in California? Cali has some of the best ski resorts in the country!

My Dog Brewski said...

Anonymous:
I lived in Long Beach for four years. Used to ski cross country to school almost every day.
Seriously, most of us know that it snows in some parts of California - we've seen the commercials. But that's not the image that generally comes to mind. I think the point was that unusual natural events catch people off guard and they will not react the same as those for whom these events are a regular occurrence.
Everyone is open to ridicule sometime.

Colby said...

Pete(Detroit):
Well.... if a cat. 4 just HAPPENED to come along...

Maybe we should move DC to the middle of Israel and find out what the backstabbin' bureaucrats REALLY think about Iran having nukes.

Pete(Detroit) said...

Yeah, YEAH!
Hell, let's have all governments move to some other country, and appreciate waht they have at home...