Although their rubber noses are still honking and seltzer bottles still spraying, the clowns in Washington now say they're really and truly closer than ever to an agreement to give Barack Obama a few trillion dollars for his alleged 50th birthday this week.
The negotiations are cutting it extremely close to the August 2nd deadline which the president and his people have been repeatedly (and untruthfully) touting as "Fiscal Armageddon Day" in hopes of causing a stock market plunge which could be used to their advantage.
But the real deadline to have some sort of resolution is, and always has been, August 3rd - when Barack Obama will be hopping into taxpayer-funded Air Force One and flying over millions of unemployed people on his way to two (count 'em!) gala 50th Birthday parties in Chicago.
Surely the president deserves to unwind a little, and let down his suddenly (and suspiciously) gray-flecked hair. After spending so much time excoriating the "evil rich," what better way to relax than with close, working-class friends who will be paying $38,500 to have a little cake with the president, or sharing a "Hallmark moment" by paying an additional $10,000 to have their picture snapped with Mr. Obama.
So it looks like a deal will be finalized just in the nickel-dime. And although real cost-cutting may never actually take place, you can bet that cake-cutting will happen right on schedule...as long as Barack Obama can personally make a bundle for his re-election campaign.
As Marie Antoinette once said of the starving masses, "let them eat cake."
But Barack Obama has gone her one better with his sentiments about the American people: "If they can't afford my cake, then let them eat sh*t."
Happy celebrants line up early to take part in the presidential gala!
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36 comments:
Perfect, perfect, perfect. Thank you.
Whenever a politician of any stripe tells you they are "cutting spending" ask if the next year's budget is larger than this year. If it is, tell them to take a sh*t in their hat; they are lying to you. Try telling your wife that buying a $40,000.00 car was a "cut" because you planned to buy a $50,000.00 car. I am disappointed, but not surprised, that Boehner played along with this charade. I would like to ask him why he's working so damned hard to help get Obama reelected.
Awake Madame Guillotine! Awake!!
Re: Obama's birthday. The odds are that I will precede him in death, making it highly unlikely that I will get the chance to piss on his grave. I wouldn't care if it was in hallowed ground like Arlington, I'd do it anyway. When he dies (can't be soon enough) they would do well to bury him over a septic tank with a trough and drain. I expect a helluva lot of processed beer raining over that turd's head.
Re: Obama's gray-flecked hair. It's probably just flour from Michelle's secret fried yams recipe. Or her special gravitas, I mean gravy, mix.
@My Dog Brewski: You COULD have a sample of your urine frozen, to be thawed later and dispensed by your heirs and assigns, at the appropriate time and place. Why, given the ever-growing disgust with BO, and quite a few other politicians, I forsee a whole new industry springing up. It's not quite so satisfying as standing there and and doing it yourself, but it's the thought that counts.
Doktor Paulie:
Great idea, thanks. But that container better be clearly and scientifically marked. Just calling it "Dad's Piss" could make people think it's beer from some micro-brewery.
I hope his birthday party will have a Star Wars theme that way his wife Chewbacca can come.
As always, on target. In a non-violent kind of way.
As the leader of lampoon, the sage of satire, it seems that the internet is missing "The Ultimate Guide to Barry O Speeches." That would be audio of him whining about private jets, jobs overseas and millionaires, with pictures of his staff carrying surfboards off of Air Farce One in Hawaii, his wife spending our money in Spain, and Barry at one of his black tie fundraisers toasting the rich. Subtitles could be layoffs & declining output in US Aerospace manufacturing, jobs transferred overseas, growing gap between the white rich and minority poor, etc.
You run a great site: perhaps the only good outcome of the O'Bambi administration,
jr.
So, 2 trillion will not be borrowed to spend in 10 years, while 13 or 14 trillion will be borrowed to spend over the next 10 years -- with the cuts coming from the hoped-for spending of tomorrow -- rather than the actual spending of today -- and this is helping how? If the cuts were 2 trillion a year, well, then, now we'd be talking. Alas, so now the "crisis" will be put off for another day.
This reminds me of the drunk who goes from a 1/5 to a 1/2 gallon a day consumption, then eschews two or three last gulps from the bigger, and says "See, I have cut back, I did not finish the bottle!"
Yep, time to get rid of the Demopublican Party --they are obviously unable to count or run the government except as their private piggy bank.
@Angry Hoosier Dad- According to the birthday boy, this deal will take us to "the lowest level of annual domestic spending since Dwight Eisenhower was president." Uh, come again? We needed to borrow another $2+ trillion to spend less than any administration since the 1950's?!
As you point out, these "cuts" aren't cuts in spending, they're cuts in growth of spending...and very minor ones at that.
@jselvy- I believe Madame has left a wake-up call for November 2012.
@My Dog Brewski- When Obama gets around to designing his great monument for Arlington cemetery, we need to convince him that the French term for "the King" is "LaTrine."
@Earl- You may be right, although I suspect Michelle is fully capable of turning a man's hair gray just by walking out of the shower without warning.
@Doktor Paulie- Freezing urine now for use later is a brilliant idea! Kennedy can have his "eternal flame," but the real crowd pleaser will be Obama's "eternal stream."
@Anonymous (three above)- A Star Wars theme would be appropriate. The Farce is strong in this one...
@Anonymous (two above)- That would make for a good video. Perhaps when I get a little more time...
@Jim Hlavac- Paul Ryan recently mocked the fake nature of the "cuts" by saying Congress could pass a bill to "cover the moon with yoghurt for $5 trillion" and then rescind it the next day - trumpeting the headlines "Congress cuts $5 trillion from deficit." It's all a bad joke, and one that doesn't get any funnier as it's told over and over and over.
Insane, transparently false deal. Boehner folded, just as he RINO-folded on the Nov '10 mandate to defund and repeal Obamacare (which is still merrily rolling along in today's last-minute deal).
The insanity just boggles the mind.
Like an unemployed drunk with no income and maxed-out credit cards, facing bankruptcy yet fantasizing about buying a $100,000 yacht, realizing he can't afford it, then trying to convince his bank that since he just 'saved' himself $100,000 he never had, he'd like all his maxed-out credit card lines extended by the imaginary $100,000 he 'saved'.
Stilton:
I thought French for "the king" was "le roi", but don't call Obama that. It's racist.
They're upset because the market has not "reacted"? Seriously?
For one thing, the market only "reacts" to genuine surprise. Incompetence in Washington is already built-in. To anybody paying attention, the non-outcome in Washington was hardly any surprise. The only thing that Washington could possibly do to jolt the market would have been something like coming to a real agreement that addressed the real problems of entitlements; Social Security, Medicare, and eventually ObamaCare. As it is, the market knows that not only is Washington isn't ready to deal with these issues, and out-of-control Obama Administration has done nothing to curb its anti-business agenda.
That the market is as high as it is, is due entirely to inflation as the result of the continuing cheap money policy of the Fed and QE2. Don't expect to find a favorable market "reaction" until this administration is neutered.
As for a severely negative "reaction", that may be up to international events.
@YogurtMoon- By George, you've got it!
@My Dog Brewski- 5 stars for funniest line of the day!
@John the Econ- You're absolutely right that the stock market is simply reflecting the inflation deliberately caused by "quantatative easing" (which is Washington's BS way of describing "running the printing presses until they burst into flames"). It's not hard for the numbers on the DOW to stay up when the numbers themselves represent less and less.
Ya know, if BO was as smart as he wants us to think he is, he would forget about charging people a crummy $38,500 for a lousy plate of food. Just imagine how much he could charge to simply let people piss on him right now instead of having to wait for the whole "grave" thing. Shit, I'd probably remortgage the house and sell the kids into slavery for a shot at that.
And let's not be too hard on Boehner. Given our "unbiased" media, what else could he have done. Yep, it's nice to dream about holding the mark and making the Socialists and BO take the blame for a government shutdown, but the press would have crucified all the conservatives, and the socialists would have ended up smelling like roses in the end. Let's get our people COMPLETELY in control in 2013, and make BO and Reid and the rest of 'em eat every single piece of socialist crap they dished out for the past few years.
Colby:
I'm fearful of what 2013 would look like if we end up with Republicans in charge of the House and Senate and some GOP squish in the White House. The temptation to do business as usual would be huge. I trust the Tea Party Republicans but I'm aware of the intensely corrupting influence of D.C. politics. We need a real leader in the White House, not some pale reflection of Obama.
I am with you AHD! Lord give us Marco Rubio or Rand Paul or Paul Ryan or Chris Christie! NO McCAIN's or ROMNEY's. Notice this list is all people that are NOT running.... except freaking Mittenhead Romney...
Stilton. Excellent title for today's cartoon. Colby. I heard some Rubio comments today from last week. Very impressive.
@Readers- Yes, a "GOP Squish" will not be acceptable (unless we're talking a tragic RINO punch-press accident that elevates a Tea Party Veep into the Oval Office).
But hopefully, there won't BE the temptation for "business as usual" if the Tea Party has really made itself heard in the elections. Whoever is in the Whitehouse had better be afraid of the Tea Party - not in a physical way, but fearful from the knowledge that NO ONE gets a free ride anymore, and you will damn well do what's right, or damn well be voted out.
Our loyalty is no longer to men and candidates; it is to country and constitution.
Cain'd be good.
But yeah..
Need to shut this down - NO tax hikes - period, ever.
REAL spending cuts, NOW.
Anything else - fuggetaboutit.
And shame, SHAME of Boehner for even bringing it back to the house for a vote.
Sorry, but the Boehner's gone limp - NEXT!
Totally sad thing - he looks SOO much more presidential than Obummer..
@Colby: Considering the rumors about Obumble and "Man's Country" in Chicago, he might really enjoy letting people relieve their bladders on him---for a fee, of course...
bumblepuppy
The left is crying, but BO will get everything he wants except the new taxes ... until the Bush tax cuts expire! No, this is not a win for America if it goes through. The cuts aren't real cuts ... 2 Trillion over 10 years can't negate a 1.5 Trillion deficit per year for 10 years!!! It’s all smoke and mirrors … but it hasn’t happened yet. There is still hope for a balanced budget. If they don’t raise the debt ceiling, we have an automatic balanced budget … unless BO takes the low road and tries to circumvent the Constitution with a purposeful misinterpretation. Can you spell impeach?
But, as I said before … "our team" will fold. The ceiling will be raised so they can continue to borrow until 2013 … when this all plays out again … if we even still exist as a nation by then. It was a grand experiment, wasn’t it?
Need a drink now ... something with more “guts” that than our congress-critters.
@Chuck- We can't quite read the tea leaves (or Tea Party leaves) from these events; after all, this is perhaps the worse Dem administration EVER, and the Republicans only have the House. There was never much that could happen...BUT, the Tea Party held strong, and Boehner was forced to get tougher than he otherwise would have. But still, the Dems held the cards.
But we didn't fold; we got the best deal we could (even if it's still a deal that sucks). And a message was sent that the Tea Party means very serious business. I'd like to think that in 2013, that could change our government and change our country. So that's what I'm going to continue fighting for.
Chuck, as I understand it, Obama is darn near unimpeachable..too many complicit, throughout national politics, campaign finance and electioneering, in getting him into office in the first place and too many broken oaths of office to count. Wonder if the each state that has an attorney as a "representative" can at least get them disbarred for representing a client and signing onto a contract between the state and the client without either considering the client's wishes or reading the contract before committing them to it..surely that's some form of legal malfeasance.
long, disappointing day.
cheers, friends.
As a great man once said, we are the last, best hope for freedom in this world. There truly is nowhere else to run and we must stand and fight to honor the sacrifice of those who went before us and for the sake of those yet to come. I will not be the generation that laid down and accepted defeat and enslavement. I will not live on my knees and condemn the next generation to serfdom. My grandfather was Canadian and fought the Germans in WWI, then become a proud American. My dad fought the Japanese in the Pacific in WWII. My brother was in Viet Nam. They did not make their sacrifices so that they could look down on me and watch me acquiesce to some anti-American, pro-Islamist POS, even one that sits in the White House. We have suffered awful presidents in the past but we have never had one who so hated everything America stood for and sought not to build us up but rather to "manage our decline". This is unconscionable. This will not stand. This is not the America I will leave to my child. Whatever the price.
As I recall, the house is due to submit a budget this fall? That would be the place to start taking REAL charge of the purse strings.
Obamacare? Defund it.
Dep of Ed? defund 80%
EPA - buh-bye
Dep of Energy? see ya..
and so forth...
No Presidential or Senate "approval" required - spending starts in the house - no start, no spendy. It's that simple...
@Pete: Why should the Dep of Ed get anything? They're worse than the EPA. At least the EPA pretends to address toxic waste. The Department of Education just dispenses it.
I think I'm going to create a "No GOP Squish in 12" bumper sticker.
John - I'm kind of in favor of student loans - assuming they were ever collected back. But yeah, as a rule they're a waste, and sure as hell do NOT need their own swat team..
@John the Econ,
I like your bumper sticker, but would also like to know who is on everybody's "squish" list. I would start the list by subMITTing Romney as the name that should be on the top of the squish list. Not as squishy as Bush or McCain, but WAY squishier than Bachmann or Cain.
And... @Pete(Detroit), No kidding! What a joke the Dept. of Energy is!!! They have become the exact opposite of what they were created to be. Ax the whole thing... NOW! I'm sorry for anybody who works there, but we are actually paying these people to make our lives more difficult and more expensive. They were created to FIND energy, not stifle it.
Also, why do we need the postal service six days a week? Cut 'em back to three. Or better yet, farm it out to FedEx & UPS. Why do we need the separate agencies of CIA, FBI, ATF, DEA, and Secret Service?
And what the HELL does the Dept. of Education do? Your typical 16 year old can't even make change at the McDonalds when the computers go out, and couldn't tell you where Texas is on a map.
Department of Labor?!! Oh, yeah.... I guess we need them because the guys making $75 per hour to assemble Prius's are being abused. And God knows, South Carolinians don't deserve to have a Boeing plant.
Department of Homeland Security? Well, you got me here. We need them to keep the grannies with diapers out, don't we?
Well Mr. Moron-in-Charge signed the ceiling increase...and then right away had to give another speech vilifying the EVIL rich who need to pay their fair share, as if 90 to 95% of the tax burden isn't their fair share, I guess it would be more fair if they paid 120% of the tax burden so we could fork even more cash over to illegal immigrants and welfare recipients.
Go ahead Mr Odumbass and keep crushing the "EVIL" rich crush them until they are no more.....then lets see what kinda shape our economy is in. Regulate and tax the business owners into oblivion and then we can see how many private sector jobs there are in this country.
Run our deficit up as high as you possibly can like a crack addict with a credit card and then where are you gonna get more money from when the Chinese cut you off.
If Mr Oduma was really interested in redistribution of wealth then why doesn't he start with his own? I would like to see him and the First Wookie donate all their assets to charity and while he's at it donate 1/2 of his campaign contributions as well.
@Dave- And the evil rich heard Obama's speech loud and clear: as I write this, the Dow Jones is down 199 points. Sort of a good joke on those of us who foolishly continue to invest in America, huh?
@Pete: All easy student loans have done is to allow America's colleges to raise tuition several-times inflation every year, while condemning millions of clueless Americans to decades of unbankruptable debt. Get rid of federally subsidized student loans, and I promise you that a college education will become affordable again.
Dept. of Energy could be renamed the "Department of Preventing Energy". I also think the FTC should be re-tasked to prosecuting government misrepresentations.
And thanks Obama for crashing the market further today. I like buying when it's cheap!
@Readers- Did I say the market plunged 199 points? Silly me...it continued to plummet by 265 points. Why? Because no real debt reduction has taken place (the "big deal" will add 7 trillion in new debt, manufacturing numbers are in the toilet, consumer spending has dried up, and Barack Obama and Harry Reid are already out there screaming about raising taxes - and suggesting the just-signed debt deal will give them the power to do it.
And so America's investors (many of them retirees) take it up the keister yet again. Which is a little extra birthday present for the first president to hate America.
@stilt--No I don't think it is a joke on people who believe in and invest in America, but I do think it is a very pointed statement that the investors in America are waking up and realizing that this administration is actively working to destroy America. Hopefully these same investors remember how hard they've been taking it up the keister come November 2012!
The investors do know it. In fact, they've known it for years. If you look at the major indexes between 2007 through 2008, you can see that they track inversely against the popularity of Obama and McCain. That the markets came back at all in 2009 is mostly due to the inflation that the fed and Administration kept insisting didn't exist.
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