Monday, October 10, 2011

Jumping To Confusions



As we begin a new week, Marxist protestors parroting the president's class warfare rhetoric choke city streets, Harry Reed and the democrats won't touch Barack Obama's tax-raising jobs bill, employment numbers suck, and our national morale is in the dumper. So who will pull us out of our malaise and get us on our feet again?

Michelle Obama, of course! Because tomorrow the yam-growing, fat-busting, sporadically proud of America First Lady is going to attempt to capture the world record for doing Jumping Jacks!

So how many does she have to do? One thousand? Ten thousand? A million? A trillion?! Well, uh, no...she only intends to jump for one minute. But if 20,000 other people somewhere in the world decide to do a minute of jumping jacks sometime during the same 24 hour period, she figures she'll have the record.

In fairness, if she can get 20,000 people to follow her for an entire minute, she will have demonstrated greater leadership than her husband has exhibited since being elected. And her "World Record" will actually be for doing something, instead of getting a Nobel Prize for the possibility that she might do something someday.

The point of all this is for Michelle to show the American people that exercise is good! Especially if you have lots of other people doing it for you.

Which, when you think about it, is the same idea her husband is preaching about earning a living.


Pssst! You're doing it wrong...
-

26 comments:

Jazz said...

Off the topic of Michele O, and onto the topic of the protestors....

I was struck earlier today (Sunday), while reading another article about the Wall Street and Washington gangs of "protestors", just how similar to those who protested the Tsar in St. Petersburg they are. The difference seems to be that in Russia, they were hungry, poor, illiterates who were promised a meal if only they'd carry a sign from Point A to Point B, ... while ours seem to be over-educated, overly-indulged dupes, who still don't understand what it is that they are "protesting" against -- or for.

In the mean time, I shall take care to jump no jacks until at least Wednesday.
+

Anonymous said...

If Chewbacca and 20,000 of her Oprah-worshiping followers all jump up and down at the same time it might trigger another eruption along the San Andreas Fault. - California could slide into the ocean!
...Go, Michelle!

Angry Hoosier Dad said...

Unlike the Nobel Committee and the American media, the Guiness record judges don't award world records based on the intentions of the participants. They are a bit more conservative in that they want to see proof. Damned Tea Party terrorists.
Sadly, there are no doubt 20,000+ who will do the First Wookie's bidding just because. And there are probably twice that number who would swear to having witnessed the feat even if they didn't. We call them Democrat vote counters.

Emmentaler Limbuger said...

Ugh. When will this nightmare end?

Earl said...

At least in the olden days, P.E. classes across the world did this every day and in far greater numbers.

Emmentaler Limburger said...

If you haven't already, go and see the video here: #OccupyAtlanta "Democratic Process" at work We've nothing to worry about from these particular twits. At least not until they grow up, but then, many regain sanity in that state...

(BTW: As I think about all the First Ladies in recent history, their composure, their presence and compare these to the causes they supported; comparing that analysis here, I find it only fitting that this one is after a Guinness world record for poorly executed jumping jacks...)

Anonymous said...

@AHD

'Wookiee' - Sorry, I just had to be a pedant. (Liberals may accuse us of being insensitive to fictional species'.)

Stan da Man said...

Hope she wraps her ass in some kind of highly restrictive sports pants - that thing gets to bouncing, and gets loose, could be an issue...

Jim Hlavac said...

Um, from I can tell from all the gyms in my town, and the sports teams, and weight-loss centers, at least 20,000 people a day do a minute of jumping jacks in my town every single day of the week. What the hell does she think she's doing? And I thought the kids were supposed to read? How can one read when doing jumping jacks? Or plant a yam farm for that matter.

Tim said...

And just how will they verify that 20,000 people have done this? If there's any kind of an award, it would be politically motivated. The Guiness people have historically been big on proof - even film/video footage didn't count, if there wasn't a Guiness rep on site.

Earl said...

You could easily get record numbers in one Obama friendly urban school district. Right after saying the pledge of allegience. That's why this stunt is so pathetic.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Jazz- Our protestors have been given everything, which is why they're stunned at growing up and not being given a job and a comfortable income. They may think they're against capitalism (and it's what they're being told), but they're actually against earning.

@Anonymous (ten above)- I like your "glass half full" attitude!

@Angry Hoosier Dad- I believe that Guinness will get the necessary proof by reading the Richter scale measurements.

@Earl- But P.E. classes are so unenlightened. Not like the smart, progressive jumping jacks the first lady will be doing.

@Emmentaler- That IS a jaw-dropping video. I'd love to see these nimrods use their egalitarian, "repeat what I say," "wiggle your fingers in the air" system to try to order lunch for the crowd. They'd all starve to death. Pity.

@Anonymous (four above)- Thank you for the correction. We certainly don't want to offend any wookiees.

@Jim Hlavac- Reading, Yamming, and Jumping. Michelle is definitely a Renaissance kind of gal.

@Tim- Apparently there will be a Guinness representative onsite to verify that Michelle could keep it up for one minute. So to speak.

@Earl- In an Obama-friendly district, the kids grab their crotch during the pledge of allegiance. Just like the president does.

Jazz said...

@Stilton - re:@Earl
I thought Roseanne Barr owned the rights to that particular move ... or is that only in connection with the Star Spangled Banner?

sablegsd said...

*SIGH*

I am beyond tired of this cabal of crooks.
Just when I thought DC couldn't get any worse, it does.

Colby said...

"For the first time in my adult life, I'm proud of my country."

Gag, gag, sputter, sputter.

Earl said...

Jumping Jack Ass. Ok, someone had to say it.

Coon Tasty said...

In keeping with the cheeses theme, I would like to use the name "Coon Tasty", which is a real brand of cheese sold in Australia, where I live. http://www.coon.com.au/

SJ, I hope it will be OK if I have that as a username.

Coon Tasty said...

(It should make great liberal-bait.)

Emmentaler Limburger said...

What cheese theme?

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Jazz- Now that you mention it, Obama AND Roseanne Barr are crotch grabbers at times when others are solemn and patriotic.

@Sablegsd- If "just when you think it can't get worse it does," that means that today may be better than tomorrow will be, so we should appreciate it. I'm a glass half full kind of guy. (Granted, it's half full of whiskey...)

@Colby- Yeah, that remark is still stuck in my craw, too.

@Earl- Now I want to do a parody video of "Jumping Jack Ass" to the tune of the Rolling Stones "Jumping Jack Flash."

@Coon Tasty- While I have tremendous sensitivity to the sensibilities of others, I have checked out the Coon cheese website and found that the name is simply a celebration of Edward Coon, who patented a process for ripening cheese (and "Coon Tasty" is the company's most popular brand). Per the legal disclaimer at the bottom of this page, "we accept no responsibility for words or opinions which may appear differently or have offensive meanings in other languages or alleged cultures." Therefore, in the interest of multiculturalism (which is a beautiful part of appreciating diversity) your username is fine.

@Emmentaler- You made me laugh!

badlarry said...

Stilt, have you heard about the "We are the 53%"?

Coon Tasty said...

@SJ

"Alleged cultures"

BAHAHA!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Badlarry- I hadn't, but now I have (thanks to your link). Encouraging to see those folks!

@Coon Tasty- For people willing to squint, there's actually some funny stuff in the legal disclaimer. I could only afford a comical lawyer.

Coon Tasty said...

@SJ

I particularly enjoyed this gem: "HopeNChange Cartoons should not be considered a reliable news source, but instead as an advocacy entertainment outlet much like MSNBC, CNN, NBC, ABC, CBS, and the New York Times."

Anonymous said...

Doe anyone reckon michelle has an entire room dedicated to the storage of her belt collection?

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