Click cartoon for giant extra-readable sizeProving that he still has the ability to inspire the idealistic among us, Barack Obama's increasingly shrill anti-capitalist tirades have launched a grassroots movement (funded with George Soros' grassroots dollars) called "Occupy Wall Street," in which young, affluent, overwhelmingly white, unbelievably self-absorbed kids are marching in streets, sleeping in parks, putting on zombie makeup, weeping hysterically, and trying to get laid.
But why? Okay, the whole "get laid" thing is about hormones, and ugly people know they stand a better chance at rallies where people get intoxicated and the lighting is really bad.
But why politically are these spoiled kids suddenly chirping up about socialism, communism, the end of property rights, and joining forces with unions and MoveOn.org? And the answer is because they have demands that are even more stupid than the ones in the cartoon above. Here's what they really and truly want, with our comments interspersed
Demand one: Restoration of the living wage. This demand can only be met by ending "Freetrade" by re-imposing trade tariffs on all imported goods entering the American market to level the playing field for domestic family farming and domestic manufacturing as most nations that are dumping cheap products onto the American market have radical wage and environmental regulation advantages. Another policy that must be instituted is raise the minimum wage to twenty dollars an hr.
Translated: End free trade, start a trade war with China, send prices of all goods skyrocketing. To compensate, demand that all employers triple the wages of numbnuts doing entry level jobs (instead of actually making a profit)
Demand two: Institute a universal single payer healthcare system. To do this all private insurers must be banned from the healthcare market as their only effect on the health of patients is to take money away from doctors, nurses and hospitals preventing them from doing their jobs and hand that money to wall st. investors
Translated: Medicine should be run by the same people who've made the post office and department of motor vehicles such a perfect system. Private insurance should be eliminated, because the government will do a much better job...except with their own "long term care" insurance plan (part of Obamacare) that just quietly closed its doors because it was proved that the math showing its sustainability was from Mars.
Demand three: Guaranteed living wage income regardless of employment.
Translated: Why should a cardiac surgeon make more than a burger flipper? They're both in the heart attack business!
Demand four: Free college education.
Translated: Why should I have to be paying tuition for classes I skip anyway? That sucks!
Demand five: Begin a fast track process to bring the fossil fuel economy to an end while at the same bringing the alternative energy economy up to energy demand.
Translated: We want giant windmills everywhere, except places where there are birds or nice scenery and stuff. Also, we want the windmills to be free.
Demand six: One trillion dollars in infrastructure (Water, Sewer, Rail, Roads and Bridges and Electrical Grid) spending now.
Translated: Just because nothing happened last time doesn't mean nothing will happen this time. And by the way, find someone to cough up that trillion NOW, because we don't want to pay it when we grow up.
Demand seven: One trillion dollars in ecological restoration planting forests, reestablishing wetlands and the natural flow of river systems and decommissioning of all of America's nuclear power plants.
Translated: Okay, take "nuclear" and "hydropower" out of that list of alternative energy sources. That still leaves sun, wind, and unicorns. And we like saying "trillion" because it's a round number.
Demand eight: Racial and gender equal rights amendment.
Translated: We have no idea what's already in the Constitution and its amendments because we've never read it.
Demand nine: Open borders migration. anyone can travel anywhere to work and live.
Translated: WE sure as hell don't want to do menial labor, but we're not opposed to Mexicans doing it for us...even if it does mean that Al Qaeda can ALSO "travel anywhere to work."
Demand ten: Bring American elections up to international standards of a paper ballot precinct counted and recounted in front of an independent and party observers system.
Translated: we're still having trouble rigging the electronic ballot boxes.
Demand eleven: Immediate across the board debt forgiveness for all. Debt forgiveness of sovereign debt, commercial loans, home mortgages, home equity loans, credit card debt, student loans and personal loans now! All debt must be stricken from the "Books." World Bank Loans to all Nations, Bank to Bank Debt and all Bonds and Margin Call Debt in the stock market including all Derivatives or Credit Default Swaps, all 65 trillion dollars of them must also be stricken from the "Books." And I don't mean debt that is in default, I mean all debt on the entire planet period.
Translated: We don't want anyone to lend money to anyone else ever again. We want to go to a "cash only" economy, which will work just fine because all the good stuff will be free.
Demand twelve: Outlaw all credit reporting agencies.
Translated: Okay, so I don't know how to balance a checkbook. That's not, like, a CRIME - right?!
Demand thirteen: Allow all workers to sign a ballot at any time during a union organizing campaign or at any time that represents their yeah or nay to having a union represent them in collective bargaining or to form a union.
Translated: Thinking is waaaaaaay too hard for drones. That's something that, like, the foreman should do. Besides, that way we won't get beaten up if we vote the wrong way.
CONCLUSION: These demands will create so many jobs it will be completely impossible to fill them without an open borders policy.
Translated: We'll need more Mexicans to harvest the dollar bills off the money trees, which is the only way our Brave New Socialist World of Hope And Change will work.