Hey stupid! Yeah, I'm talking to YOU Hope n' Change readers (and talking to myself, too). Because even though we've tried to hide it as long as possible, Newsweek magazine has finally revealed our terrible secret in their new cover story, "Why Are Obama's Critics So Dumb?"
The article, penned by Andrew Sullivan (the crack journalist who also believes that Sarah Palin didn't give birth to her son, Trig, but instead faked her pregnancy and adopted a Down Syndrome baby for political gain ), makes the case that Obama's policies aren't failing - but that his critics are just too slackjawed, crosseyed, drooling-down-our-shirts stupid to know success when we see it.
And he has a point. After all, we Obama critics are such blithering idiots that we can't understand how if you spend more on a program this year than you did last year, that any painful financial "cuts" have been made.
We can't understand how extending unemployment benefits creates jobs.
In our banjo-plucking ignorance, we can't understand how Obamacare "bends the cost curve down" when every expense related to medicine is suddenly rising through the roof.
We can't understand why politely asking for an I.D. at a polling place is voter intimidation, but being threatened with racial epithets and billy clubs by Black Panthers isn't.
In our moronic daze, we just can't understand that a three-point foreign policy of encouraging the Muslim Brotherhood, allowing Iran to build nuclear weapons, and turning our backs on Israel has made the MidEast more stable and secure.
We can't understand that it's more important to be an unemployed Union member than to have a job - at least if you want to build jets in South Carolina.
As we sit in our tepid bathwater, passing gas and giggling as the bubbles pop, we can't understand that the way to decrease gun-related violence is to give truckloads of weapons to the sociopaths in the Mexican drug cartels.
And we can't understand why calling a committee a "supercommittee" would make anyone believe it came from the planet Krypton and had the power to leap tall buildings in a single bound, or solve economic problems that the president and his party hadn't addressed in three years.
Yep, there's no doubt about it - we Obama critics must be dumb as a bag of hammers to not understand all of these tremendous success stories.
But we're still Einsteins compared to Andrew Sullivan. Or anyone else who actually supports Obama or reads Newsweek.
We're also too dumb to recognize that Newsweek editor Eleanor Clift is totally hot.-