Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Dumb and Dumber

Hey stupid! Yeah, I'm talking to YOU Hope n' Change readers (and talking to myself, too). Because even though we've tried to hide it as long as possible, Newsweek magazine has finally revealed our terrible secret in their new cover story, "Why Are Obama's Critics So Dumb?"

The article, penned by Andrew Sullivan (the crack journalist who
also believes that Sarah Palin didn't give birth to her son, Trig, but instead faked her pregnancy and adopted a Down Syndrome baby for political gain ), makes the case that Obama's policies aren't failing - but that his critics are just too slackjawed, crosseyed, drooling-down-our-shirts stupid to know success when we see it.

And he has a point. After all, we Obama critics are such blithering idiots that we can't understand how if you spend more on a program this year than you did last year, that any painful financial "cuts" have been made.

We can't understand how extending unemployment benefits creates jobs.

In our banjo-plucking ignorance, we can't understand how Obamacare "bends the cost curve down" when every expense related to medicine is suddenly rising through the roof.

We can't understand why politely asking for an I.D. at a polling place is voter intimidation, but being threatened with racial epithets and billy clubs by Black Panthers isn't.

In our moronic daze, we just can't understand that a three-point foreign policy of encouraging the Muslim Brotherhood, allowing Iran to build nuclear weapons, and turning our backs on Israel has made the MidEast more stable and secure.

We can't understand that it's more important to be an
unemployed Union member than to have a job - at least if you want to build jets in South Carolina.

As we sit in our tepid bathwater, passing gas and giggling as the bubbles pop, we can't understand that the way to decrease gun-related violence is to give truckloads of weapons to the sociopaths in the Mexican drug cartels.

And we can't understand why calling a committee a "supercommittee" would make anyone believe it came from the planet Krypton and had the power to leap tall buildings in a single bound, or solve economic problems that the president and his party hadn't addressed in three years.

Yep, there's no doubt about it - we Obama critics
must be dumb as a bag of hammers to not understand all of these tremendous success stories.

But we're still Einsteins compared to Andrew Sullivan. Or anyone else who actually
supports Obama or reads Newsweek.

We're also too dumb to recognize that Newsweek editor Eleanor Clift is totally hot.


Angry Hoosier Dad said...

When you get on a roll, you are a juggernaut, my friend. I can't add a thing to what you stated. Great post, although that photoshop of Eleanor will haunt my dreams.

Anonymous said...

Aaaagh! My EYES!

Peccable said...

Ahhh, is that Eleanor or Montgomery?
That centerfold belongs on MSNBC.

Emmentaler Limburger said...

He's right though: Ă˜bama's policies aren't failing. They're doing just what his handlers intended: creating more bureaucracies and entitlements that are immediately entrenched and almost impossible to eliminate once in place, draining the treasury, and bringing the great US to her knees - all without firing a single shot. Brilliant.

We only believe they are failing because we think the government should be engaged in the opposite goal...

My Dog Brewski said...

@ Emmentaler Limburger:
The "failure" part of Obama's actions revolve around his responsibilities to the American people and the Constitution. Let us never forget he took an oath to preserve, protect and defend it. His failure to do so is not a failure of competence; as you so rightly point out it is a willful act. It is a treason that should be impeachable but isn't because of the immobilizing cowardice of our elected representatives.

GregMan said...

I would enter a pithy and clever comment, but being a conservative I'm too stoopid.

Chuck said...

Can't think of a darn thing to add other than the fact that I must be the poster-child for dumb because I agree with y'all.

Titan Mk6B said...

Oh, come on. Comparing me to a hammer is an insult to the hammer.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Angry Hoosier Dad- Aw, let's give Eleanor a break. LOTS of women are now going with the European-style "let your body hair grow" look.

@Anonymous- Try looking again, but this time use welder's goggles.

@Peccable- At MSNBC, the centerfold would surely give Chris Matthews a lot more than just a leg tingle.

@Emmentaler- Excellent point! While I fully believe that Obama is capable of great ineptitude, I think the majority of his policies are doing exactly what he wants them to: destroying our private institutions and forcing people into government dependency. A post-constitutional government which intends to substitute Marx for the founding fathers.

@My Dog Brewski- Complete agreement. Our elected representatives, all of whom also swore an oath to protect the constitution, should be fighting tooth and nail. But they lack the courage or integrity to do so.

@GregMan- Hey, it's okay to be stoopid. At least you spelled your name right! (Or perhaps, like me, you just copy your name from the tags they sew on your shirts in case you wander away from the group home.)

@Chuck- Technically, if you're surrounded by stupid people it's smart to agree with them. At least until you can see a path to a clean getaway.

@Titan Mk6B- See, you're showing empathy for hammers. That must make you one of them there compassionate conservatives, right?

John the Econ said...

Yeah, it's all our fault for not getting him and understanding the benefits of Obama and his bankrupt, post-capitalist mega-state age. I guess that despite my education in economics, I'm still not bright enough to understand how better off I am with my $40/paycheck "payroll tax cut" that's financed by denying the Social Security "lock box" while my health insurance premium increases by $100/month every 18 months.

The un-and-underemployed around me, increasingly dispirited by the lack of light at the end of the tunnel, must be dumb too for feeling that way. 99-weeks of unemployment and daytime TV should be enough for anyone, right?

@Emmentaler Limburger is correct. From a true Progressive point of view, Obama has been extremely successful. More people are now dependent upon the Federal government than ever before. The collateral damage done upon the free economy will see to it that an increasing number of those now dependent upon the state will continue to be for the foreseeable future, if not forever. The growing number of government-employed "experts" working diligently to "fix" the economy will only increase the damage done. >10% real un & underemployment and <2% annual growth are the norm for socialist democracies.

Of course, this, all takes place concurrently while socialist Europe stares down the precipice; a whole continent on the event horizon of a massive black hole where Greece is but only the first to head down its throat to eventually disappear on the one-way trip to economic oblivion.

In a sane country, this wouldn't even be a debate. Everyone would take notice, point, and say "Hey, that sucks. Let's not do that too!".

But perhaps it's because we're just too dumb to get it all that we don't do that either.

Mike Porter said...

My Dog Brewski: If the actions of this administration may be considered treasonable, then by all means, include the mainstream media, public sector and service unions, three quarters of both houses and pretty much every liberal governor, mayor, legislator, administrator and teacher. No sense letting those FEMA prison camps go to waste sitting idle, or worse, just waiting to be misused by the current bunch.

Stilton: My sudden blindness is beginning to subside, but I fear that I am scarred for life... probably shouldn't have tried to wash my eyes out with soap.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@John the Econ- As you point out, it's pretty stunning that there are examples all over the world and all throughout history of socialist systems crashing and burning (in fact, there's nothing but such examples). And yet the Obamacrats think they can create, in Mark Levin's words, an "Ameritopia" this time.

@Mike Porter- There's plenty of blame to go around (and I'm not really a big "forgive and forget" kind of guy).

Sorry about the damage to your corneas. Next time, just rinse your eyes with an acid-neutral saline wash. Personally, I collect my tears in a squeezebottle while watching the news so I'll always have them handy for emergency use.

Joaquin said...

Not to split hairs, but I thought Tina Brown was the Editor of Newsweek.

Colby said...

When I saw the centerfold, I had a sudden urge to gouge out my eyes with a hot poker. Thank goodness I'm too dumb to make fire to heat up the poker. I mean, jeez, I MUST be dumb, I voted for Sarah Palin and go to Tea Party rallys.

Seriously, I AM pretty worried that the 37 people that actually read Newsweek will get even more inspired when they read this article and will join forces with the 23 people that watch MSNBC and start stirring up shit. Oh wait! they already ARE stirring up shit (OWS).

pryorguy said...

Well, looks like the official beginning of the liberal onslaught for this election year! So many people will read and believe, and that is the whole point of publishing a rag like that! Whether the publishers believe it is true or not, the piece puts the lie into the minds of the unknowing, leading them down the path the lefties want them to go! I, even in my 'banjo-plucking ignorance' can see that!

We will see tons of this kinda garbage as we near November because obama has NOTHING to stand on, so his only recourse is to ATTACK! So his useful idiots do the same!

Now, where's my drool rag?

John the Econ said...

@Stilton, that's the grand irony of the Progressive delusion that an "Ameritopia" is possible. Progressives resent and scorn the very idea of "American Exceptionalism"; that America and Americans are unique in the world in their desire and drive to be independent and successful. And yet at the very same time, they somehow believe that that very same exceptionalism is all that is missing from the mix that will finally make socialism a success.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Joaquin- Actually Eleanor Clift is a contributing editor at Newsweek (not editor in chief) but I chose her because I think more people have seen her face on TV. Plus, she's obnoxious as all get out.

@Colby- I don't think any really substantive damage will be done by this, as anyone who reads Newsweek is beyond saving. What really irks me is having to look at this stupid frickin' cover story in the supermarkets for a week (and knowing that millions of people will see the bumpersticker sized message).

@Pryorguy- Get ready for the crap storm. As you point out, Obama has nothing to run on, so his campaign is going to be an all out attack on the opposing candidate and (oh yeah!) all of us.

By the way, you won't need a drool rag if you just stuff your cheeks with paper towels first thing in the morning. Bonus: you'll also be able to do "Godfather" impressions! Start out with the line: "I'm gonna make you an offer you can't understand."

@John the Econ- I don't think the Progressives really believe that Americans en masse are exceptional - but that they (the intelligentsia) are so magnificent that they can create a Utopian system that even the rabble can't ruin.

Talk about being dumb...

Coon Tasty said...

@Mike Porter

Just *soap*? - I used *fire*. (It was less painful than that pic was.)

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to say, very well said. I know those of around here some of its old news. But:

-It still illuminating to see it all lined up.

-Large majority of people know nothing or little of any of it. Even if they do it here they have to hear it over and over and over again before it sinks in.

Angry Hoosier Dad said...

@ Pryorguy:
You are right of course, but the danger in Obama's "scorched earth" campaign will extend well into the future...assuming we even continue to have "free and fair" elections. The poison will settle into the very cells of the body politic and, like arsenic, either kill the body or cause serious long-term debilitating injury. The only way to begin to purge the poison from our system will be to defeat Obama and show the country that his vile machinations won't work. What scares the crap out of me is that I believe they might.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Coon Tasty- In fairness, this is a "pro-choice" site: we think you should have the right to choose between soap or fire to cleanse your eyes after being exposed to a nekkid liberal.

@Anonymous- Thank you. I've been told (recently and frequently) that my problem is that my ideology keeps me from seeing the good Obama has done. And so I enjoyed just making a short list (believe me, a much longer one is possible) of the damage this president has done which can't be denied. Sadly, you're right that far too many people have no idea about what's actually going on.

@Angry Hoosier Dad- I believe that Obama is perfectly capable (and perfectly willing) to inflict so much damage on our country that recovery will be impossible. But I don't think we're quite there yet (at least, I hope not) which is why this next election is so urgent - AND why the election isn't just about Obama, but rather the importance of electing a president, House, and Senate who are all working to restore our nation.

LTC Mike said...

The only thing worse than the photoshopped image would have been a real centerfold of Eleanor Clift.

Still, my eyes haven't stung like that since I mistook a little bottle of habanero sauce for eye drops.

pryorguy said...

Hey, folks, here's some food for thought as a sector of the international community(Russia)is watching us this election year...not surprising stuff, if you'd care to read it....

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@LTC Mike- I'd never have posted a real centerfold of Eleanor Clift. I have a pretty broad sense of humor, but even I have my limits.

@Pryorguy- Interesting article. But if it comes down to the possibility of World War III unless Obama is re-elected, I'll still go with "Anyone But Obama." I'd rather fight a war we might win than one we can't win.