After a week of ugly, bareknuckle politics from the GOP, and an appalling State of the Union speech from Barack Hussein Obama (assuming that's who he is), we here at Hope n' Change Cartoons were in desperate need of a little comic relief.
Which is why we're so glad that the Arecibo Observatory took time off this week from looking for extraterrestrials and instead used their radio telescopes to intercept a particularly amusing transmission from Planet Pelosi.
In it, Queen Nancy (who, interestingly, has no eyelids) gleefully declared that she and only she knows a horrible secret which assures that Newt Gingrich will never be King of the Earthlings. She then cackled until she grew breathless and had to take several deep hits off a tank of carbon botoxide, which is what her world uses for air.
To his credit, Newt is laughing off the entire thing and daring Nancy to "bring it on." Which could genuinely mean that he's got nothing to hide or, alternately, that he knows she would suffer just as much political damage as he would if she reveals that they did a helluva lot more than just sit together on that sofa, billing and cooling about the importance of cap and trade legislation.
Frankly, Hope n' Change would like to say we're surprised that Pelosi is actually able to get airtime solely on the strength of saying "I know something that I'm not telling," but sadly that amounts to pretty solid journalism in these sad times.
Even if it is running mostly on the SyFy channel.
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The picture that destroyed two careers and a lot of appetites.
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The picture that destroyed two careers and a lot of appetites.
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36 comments:
Well, *of course* Pelosi has no eyelids. - None of the Reptilians do. How else do you think Democrats are able to walk around with those permanently glassy, beady eyes? (This also explains their hungry expressions.)
Destroy *two* careers? Can it even 'singe' ONE? We KNOW Newt fools around, and we don't care. Neither did his 2nd wife when he was still married to the first.
Dems have NEVER cared who fooled around when.
Or lied about it.
Under Oath.
Remember, it was not Clinton's affairs that got him impeached, it was lying about Monica under oath. He's still disbarred, as far as I can find...
Now, San Fran Nan may well know something about Newt that is bad, fatally bad, but worse than his 'loose cannon' anti-business leftiod attacks on on Romney (that seem to have been forgotten already)? PUH-LEEZE
If the electorate can 'forgive' THAT anything else is freezer pizza.
Speaking of - Please, PLEASE can we get Cain back in? 9-9-9 was (in MY arrogant opinion) not the right solution, but at least we HAD people TALKING about solutions - not who got how much from whom for doing what..
Effing whores.
ALL of 'em.
Well, MOST of 'em anyway.
Onward w/ the State primaries...
Bounce their sorry butts.
Take over the local / regional / national reps - remember, the "establishment" can NOT do anything you do not allow them to.
And donate to CANDIDATES **not** the party...
NNYAAHH! MY EYES! Oh, dear Lord! Where's my eye bleach? Stat! Anyway, spot on as usual, but to be fair to Pelosi, she has nictating membranes as all humanoids do on her planet, so she doesn't need eyelids. I believe I've seen Youtube vids of her snatching flies out of the air with her chameleon tongue, but it's been a while since I viewed that so I could be mistaking her for someone else.
As to the bombshell she's threatening Newt with, I believe that it will have all the effect of W's so-called "shock-and-awe" in the early stages of his Iraq campaign. Namely, it'll be shuck-n'-jive and just a lame-a***d attempt to influence the primaries. I'm with Newt on this one, San Fran Nan: Bring it on.
The fact that so many Republicans are willing to give Newt a pass on so many things tells you volumes about...Romney, and how terrified we are of a candidate even more squishy and malleable than McCain (Malleable for progressives of course. Resolute against conservatives.)
C'mon! You think Bela Pelosi is intelligent enough for SPACE TRAVEL?! Of COURSE she has eyelids. They're those strange semi-circular lines in the middle of her forehead.(Like elections, facelifts have consequences.)
I think The Wicked Bitch Of The Left is merely employing her party's "hit and run" strategy of ralphing up some wad of innuendo into the arena, then seeing what damage it alone can do - maybe tossing a few loathsome untruths and, perhaps, bit of political theater in for good measure. You know: like the Magically Disappearing Herman Cain Sexual Harassment Issue - Now you see it, now he's out.
And Newt gets a pass for a few reasons: his debating ability certainly will make monkeys out of Øbama's teleprompters. And our deep distaste for the ultra squishy Republichameleon the establishment favors. Toss on top of those that the Media Apparatchik and Democraps seem to favor Romney as well - well, those last two are enough to sour any conservative on Romney.
But, again: if Romney's ultimately the candidate, I'll pull that lever over the Øther Øne without any regrets or hesitation. The country may still be hurting under a Romney administration, but it will surely be dead under a continuation of the Øbama administration and the eventual violent class warfare it threatens to foment...
Stilton,
Awesome! I'm glad you were in the mood to post a funny one today!
I loved Newt's response. Nancy apparently thinks she is still someone of importance and can influence who the Republican nominee is. I have seen the footage of her "big threat," and it soooo reminds me of a 4th grader threatening to spill the beans on a classmate for saying a bad word on the playground.
Thank God she impresses few but the stoners and losers on her home planet.
@SJ - Just thought you should know: "carbon botoxide" got me a lot of disapproving stares as I giggled uncontrollably in the doctor's waiting room.
Sometimes I find myself wishing one could gas the entire planet with a thick fog of extra strength stupidcide, though that might possibly result in a largely empty, lonely world. As well, I'd have to dump the booze and lock myself inside the house until the poison dissipated... though I'm pretty certain I'd probably still get really sick. Driving during that period would, of course, be out of the question. That would be a death sentence for sure.
But it occurs to me that if stupidity were the need for oxygen, then the likes of Pelosi would be canaries in a coal mine. Perhaps a thin fog of a diluted formula would be sufficient. Hmmm.
First off, if Pelosi actually did have such a "horrible secret" against Newt that would destroy his candidacy, she'd keep a lid on it until next fall. Sounds to me like she's more afraid of Newt as the candidate they will eventually be up against, and would like to see him out now so they can more easily deal with Romney, the evil capitalist.
Meanwhile, more evidence for my argument against the GOP and their slate of "squishies". WSJ reports that Romney adviser Norm Coleman (he's the squishy boob who lost to Al Franken) was on a local DC television speaking of ObamaCare: "I'm saying you're not going to repeal the act in its entirety but you will see major changes—particularly, by the way, if there's a Republican President, you will see major changes... So you can't whole cloth throw it out, but you can substantially change what's been done."
There you go. They're going to "change" OmamaCare to make it workable. They think that that's what the public is clamoring for?
This is exactly how America has arrived at this point in history. America is a conservative country. Outside of academia and other statist institutions and those who've made living off of government largess a career, The vast majority of Americans have little interest in socialism. And yet, we're becoming a socialist country. Why? Because every time the left makes a great leap forward, instead of fighting back the squishies take the easy way out and go along to get along.
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970203806504577183130625030056.html
@Pete(Detroit) is right. Bring back Cain, and then have Cain bring back the FairTax he started with. Catch Obama the other night? He's proposing yet another tax system on top of the current income tax, the Alternative Minimum Tax. Now, a "super Alternative Minimum Tax". (His speech Tuesday was a Cayman banker's dream) As it is, there's likely to be a big brake on the economy come 2013.
@Pete(Detroit)- "Dems have NEVER cared who fooled around when."
Slight modification - that's true only when it's Dems doing the fooling around. If it's anyone else then it's a big deal.
And I agree with what you said about Cain and the issues. Santorum nailed it last night when he said (paraphrasing) 'Newt used his experience and knowledge to lobby. Romney built and ran a profitable business. Neither broke a law. Both were successful. So why are they getting attacked for doing those things? Let's get back to the issues.'
Amen.
Eyelids on the forehead because of all the face-lifts. Good one. I've heard that she can't have another face-lift because if she does, she'll have a beard.
Well, when I hear things like this all I can do is recall the famous line by Gov. Edwin Edwards of Louisiana. When asked by a reporter what could prevent his historic third term, said Mr. Edwards, after but a moment's reflection: "If I was caught in bed with a dead girl or a live boy." Perhaps in between the marriage marathon Newt ran there was some of that, hmm? Or maybe, just maybe, Newt's a registered Democrat, since he seems to speak like one, often. But I do wish Pelosi would just spill the beans, and not leave us all hanging in anticipation.
@Coon Tasty- Frankly, I'm surprised that no one ever talks about the fact that Nancy has to use moisture from her long, darting tongue to keep her corneas from drying out.
@Pete(Detroit)- I don't think any sex secrets are likely to do more damage to Newt at this point - unless it was consensual sex with Pelosi. There are some lines you just don't cross.
Regarding Cain, I'm also nostalgic for the good old days when a GOP candidate was seriously talking about tax reform and allowing businesses to grow instead of attacking wealth, business, and investment. Frankly, I've got a bad case of whiplash from the way the GOP narrative has suddenly turned almost indistinguishable from Obama's.
@Randy S- I don't believe Nancy has diddly-squat on Newt, in part because I don't think she (or others) would have been able to keep any big secrets. And why would anyone trust her memory after she's previously gone on record to say she "forgot" little things like being fully briefed on waterboarding, and enthusiastically approving the procedure? Frankly, I don't think there's anything more to this than the fact that Nancy Pelosi is a huge attention whore, and now that she's not Speaker she's trying to find anything which can get a microphone back in her face.
@Angry Hoosier Dad- I think you've hit on an actual mathematical formula there: FN=AM in which Forgiveness for Newt (FN) is approximately equal to Antipathy for Mitt. Nicely done!
@Emmentaler- I agree that Nancy likes innuendo even more than Barney Frank (that's a very obscure joke, but I amused myself). I don't think she has anything other than a few loose screws and a complete deficit of character.
I'm definitely not nuts about Romney (and lately I get pretty seasick trying to figure out how I feel about Newt). Ron Paul's foreign policy stinks, but I agree with an awful lot of his other ideas. And Santorum has a lot of very good qualities, but I wish he'd start presenting himself as presidential instead of a church youth conselor (and lose the sweater vests: they do not make you look young and hip).
All of the above aside, I'll vote for ANY of them if they're opposite Obama on the ballot. But oh, how I wish I could be heading to the polls on election day with real enthusiasm.
@Colby- Yes, I was in the mood for a "funny one" today. Seriously, this week Hope n' Change already had to deal with Marxism, class warfare, millions of murdered babies, and serious conversations about all of the above. Frankly, I was exhausted and just wanted to head into the weekend on a lighter note. And it also seemed like a good idea to do the cartoon in psychedelic colors - though that may have just been the tequila talking.
@Coon Tasty- "The giggle heard round the world!" I'm so proud. If it happens again, tell the other people in the waiting room that you're giggling because you're there to have an emergency anal gerbilectomy.
@Mike Porter- My fear is that someone has already released a huge, odorless cloud of smarticide which kills brain cells. You've got to admit it would explain a lot.
@John the Econ- The report that Romney wouldn't abolish Obamacare but instead try to "fix" it is both upsetting and unsurprising. This is the guy who still defends Romneycare. And you're absolutely right that the government has a long history of instituting terrible policies and then just nibbling around the edges with "fixes" rather than throw out clearly disastrous failures. Squishes won't get us anywhere good.
Regarding Obama's desire to create a SuperTax to kill investment and punish the successful, hopefully paying it would be entirely discretionary. After all, the SuperCommittee decided not to bother to come up with any budget solutions, and suffered no consequences. So it only seems fair that citizens should be able to blow off the SuperTax.
@CenTexTim- Santorum was exactly right. I'm tired of seeing Mitt and Newt exchange body blows while serious issues get ignored.
@Anonymous- An oldie but a goody. And probably true, as well.
@anonymous: not to mention a dimple on her chin that would put the one on Kirk Douglas to shame...
@Stilton: I got the joke...
@Jim Hlavac- That's a great line! But frankly, I don't think any sexual activity which doesn't include either the words "rape" or "shallow grave" will hurt Newt at this point.
Meanwhile, why would ANYONE care that a lying, insider-trading, OWS-embracing, "pass it to see what's in it," piece of moral human excrement is claiming to have "secret dirt" on anyone else?
@Emmentaler- Yes, but unlike Kirk's dimple, Nancy's could smoke a cigarette.
"Smoke a cigarette"
Dude, that was TOO funny!
Joy. So it looks like we're going to get ObamneyCare. It will have all of the fatal features of ObamaCare, but will be even less workable.
There is no fixing ObamaCare. ObamaCare is a suicide bomb deployed against what is left of private care in this country. The only way to deal with it is to disarm and dispose of it. This idea that there is anyone in the GOP, much less an adviser to the likely President suggesting otherwise thoroughly depresses me. If ObamaCare is not disabled before it begins to take effect in full-force in 2014, our Greece-like fate will be sealed.
C'mon now everybody! Didn't you hear the President's speech last year about civility?
Nancy can't help it she is a filthy rich, psychotic, back stabbing, elitist Obama Ho that believes laws only apply to us serfs. I mean, even Nan has feelings....
Well, maybe not in her FACE anymore, but she probably still has feelings....
somewhere...
Deep down in what's left of her pathetic, shallow phantom of a soul.
So let's be civil, like the President asked us to.
@Stan da Man- Glad you liked the punchline. I also considered statements about ping-pong balls and ballpark franks, but the cigarette line was funniest. Humor is an art and a science.
@John the Econ- I completly agree. Any form of Obamacare is the end of private medicine/insurance, at which point only the government will have control of our lives, wealth, and freedom. And the window to kill this program before it's fully implemented is a limited one. This worries me a lot.
@Colby- I believe that the Bamster asked us to use "words that heal," so I think what might sound like harsh criticism of Nancy Pelosi is actually more like a doctor's diagnosis: we're simply helping her healing begin by pointing out what's wrong with her.
@ jim hlavac: As a Louisiana gal, I used to think we had the corrupt politician market cornered but the Obama crowd makes us look like a bunch of middle schoolers.
Yes. Before Bela Pelosi can cure herself of being a filthy rich, psychotic, back stabbing, elitist Obama Ho that believes laws only apply to us serfs, she first must admit to herself that she is a filthy rich, psychotic, back stabbing, elitist Obama Ho that believes laws only apply to us serfs. It's part of the Seven Steps. Healing words all around!
@Gray Lady- Louisiana can hold its head high now that Chicago-style corruption has gone national.
@Emmentaler- Glad to see that you've gotten into the spirit of "healing words." Is it just me, or is there a lot of love on this blog?
....so, WHY, exactly, did Herman Cain step down, again??????
(Oops sorry shoulda read the comments first)
I must say that I wish the FDA (aka Monsanto Lite) would regulate that CARBON Botoxide.
A Smoking dimple ... hmmm ... I gotta admit that I'm certain I saw her picking lint out of it last year.
I was good with the comic. "Reptilian" in ever possible way. My little brain went off the rails though when I saw the picture of the septuagenarian version of Beach Blanket Bingo. Had to run out and hurl.
The image her hopping from foot to foot singing "I know something I won't tell, I won't tell, I won't tell" ... well it is from a Looney Tunes Cartoon.
http://youtu.be/zKvhVssO348
Sorry, I'm too old for this to have moved from cartoons to real life!
I'd sooner vote for a San Francisco skink than Pelousi and her pet snake, Oblamer.
I'll settle for ABO. Oh, and pray for the big quake to take the Left Coast.
+1 on the Big One, to be sure!
@SJ - "Emergency *anal* gerbilectomy"? Is there some *other* place one might put a gerbil...?
@elcedar- I loved the Looney Tunes link...that's humor of my vintage, though as you point out, it's sort of disconcerting to see cartoon craziness of the past become the accepted reality today.
@Coon Tasty- Surprisingly, some people have been known to put gerbils in cages. Especially if there's not enough room in your butt for an exercise wheel.
@SJ - Hamster wheel, eh? That explains the whirring noise I hear whenever Democrats are around, which I'd always thought was simply their miniscule brains overheating.
Rumour has it that Barney Frank can hide a ferris wheel.
I'm amazed Aunt Nan would open her mouth at all about behavior on anyone else's part being bad enough to destroy his/her political career. After all, what personal misbehavior could possibly compare with her own role in falsely certifying for election, and then cheerleading for, the figurehead and key enabler of the deliberate and corrupt destruction of the nation?
@Coon Tasty- I liked your suggestion about Barney Frank and the Ferris Wheel so much I was tempted to photoshop a picture...but I thought the world would never forgive me.
@A Nonny Mouse- It is pretty amazing to think that Nancy Pelosi believes herself to have the ethical credibility to cast aspersions at anyone else.
Stilton: If you're interested in what happens to Nancy Pelosi in Hell, go here.
@SJ - I think the world has already seen Bawney Fwank's extracurricular activities. *cough*goatse*cough* I find it an extraordinarily appropriate metaphor for the Obama Administration. (Someone with decent Photoshop skills could make a great demotivational by combining the Obama logo with the aforementioned pic.)
CAVEAT: Conservative readers - NSFW! Liberal readers - you probably already have it bookmarked.
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