Friday, May 18, 2012
Europe is in full-blown financial crisis mode owing to government overspending, stock markets are falling, and the Senate has just rejected Barack Obama's budget with a unanimous, bipartisan 99-0 vote (matching the earlier unanimous bipartisan vote of the House) which essentially makes him the nation's Number One certified financial dunderhead. Moreover, Obama now wants to raise the debt ceiling yet again, and has told John Boehner that he won't even consider cutting anything, no matter how microscopic, from the obscenely bloated national budget.
In the face of all of these looming disasters, what exactly is Barack "Forward" Obama making his top presidential priority?
He's declaring a new "War on Prison Rapes."
Oh sure, we thought that things like the miserable economy, anemic jobs market, the skyrocketing deficit, Iranian nukes, and declining national security were important...but that was before Barack Obama jutted his chin out and declared that it is jailhouse rape which is the real "affront to American values."
Which, by the way, is the first time we've heard him refer to "American values" without condemning them.
In order to fight jailhouse rape, Mr. Obama has declared that cigarettes will no longer be acceptable as a "dowry," and a 3-second rule will be instituted for prisoners who need to pick up dropped bars of soap in the shower without it considered to be flirting.
Ha, ha - just kidding! Those things would actually make sense! Instead, Mr. Obama is ordering prisons to start screening inmates for "the potential of sexual victimization." In other words, they won't be trying to identify and isolate dangerous sexual predators, but instead will be hiring the hillbilly halfwits from "Deliverance" to determine which new prisoners "got a real purty mouth." After which, those especially desirable new cons can be assigned to a safer part of the prison (say, a phone bank raising funds for Mr. Obama's reelection)...unless they'd prefer to be sent back to the tender mercies of their cellmates "Jackhammer" and "Piledriver."
Shockingly, there has been no word whatsoever from Mitt Romney's camp about whether the cold-hearted governor opposes prison rape...reminding Americans once again that the evil rich care more about the bottom dollar than, well, prisoners' bottoms.
In all seriousness, Hope n' Change finds it odd that Barack Obama's vision for the body politic is now so totally focused on rectums and same-sex unions (whether voluntary or involuntary).
But considering all of Barack Obama's questionable legal actions of the past few years, and the fact that he's likely to end up behind bars when justice is served... maybe all of this is just about watching his own rear end.
So to speak.