Europe is in full-blown financial crisis mode owing to government overspending, stock markets are falling, and the Senate has just rejected Barack Obama's budget with a unanimous, bipartisan 99-0 vote (matching the earlier unanimous bipartisan vote of the House) which essentially makes him the nation's Number One certified financial dunderhead. Moreover, Obama now wants to raise the debt ceiling yet again, and has told John Boehner that he won't even consider cutting anything, no matter how microscopic, from the obscenely bloated national budget.
In the face of all of these looming disasters, what exactly is Barack "Forward" Obama making his top presidential priority?
He's declaring a new "War on Prison Rapes."
Oh sure, we thought that things like the miserable economy, anemic jobs market, the skyrocketing deficit, Iranian nukes, and declining national security were important...but that was before Barack Obama jutted his chin out and declared that it is jailhouse rape which is the real "affront to American values."
Which, by the way, is the first time we've heard him refer to "American values" without condemning them.
In order to fight jailhouse rape, Mr. Obama has declared that cigarettes will no longer be acceptable as a "dowry," and a 3-second rule will be instituted for prisoners who need to pick up dropped bars of soap in the shower without it considered to be flirting.
Ha, ha - just kidding! Those things would actually make sense! Instead, Mr. Obama is ordering prisons to start screening inmates for "the potential of sexual victimization." In other words, they won't be trying to identify and isolate dangerous sexual predators, but instead will be hiring the hillbilly halfwits from "Deliverance" to determine which new prisoners "got a real purty mouth." After which, those especially desirable new cons can be assigned to a safer part of the prison (say, a phone bank raising funds for Mr. Obama's reelection)...unless they'd prefer to be sent back to the tender mercies of their cellmates "Jackhammer" and "Piledriver."
Shockingly, there has been no word whatsoever from Mitt Romney's camp about whether the cold-hearted governor opposes prison rape...reminding Americans once again that the evil rich care more about the bottom dollar than, well, prisoners' bottoms.
In all seriousness, Hope n' Change finds it odd that Barack Obama's vision for the body politic is now so totally focused on rectums and same-sex unions (whether voluntary or involuntary).
But considering all of Barack Obama's questionable legal actions of the past few years, and the fact that he's likely to end up behind bars when justice is served... maybe all of this is just about watching his own rear end.
So to speak.
Members of Congress aren't the only ones with franking privileges.
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39 comments:
He must've gotten urgent letters from old friends, Blagojevich and Rezko.
@Steve Burri- "Having a great time, wish YOU were here!"
Stilton, I daresay that you are much higher on His Majesty's enemies list than I. You'll already be a long timer before I get there.
Well, we can hope that Barack Hussein is merely trying to cover his bases for after he loses the election and/or true patriots start following the Constitution again. We can but hope.
All these different smells blending together now. The stench of socialism, the odor of bad government, the stink of fear and the flopsweat of desperation; and all of them coming from the same source. Clean and articulate, my ass. I'm counting on a stiff wind to blow that combined air of effluence back to Chicago this November (actually, January). On the other hand...I live due east of Chicago and the prevailing winds are from the west. Hawaii, maybe, or Indonesia...or Kenya, perhaps. Bottom of the ocean works for me but I don't want to be accused of fish abuse (those charges were never proven).
The more desperate measures this President takes, the more I see this Administration ending like the film "American Gigolo": "I'll do fag tricks."
As I've said previously, the strategy is Distract, Divide and Conquer. And with the media providing the smoke and mirrors, it is all too possible that this trickery will work …
"...likely to end up behind bars." We can only hope, but I think you aren't being realistic. I'd give this less than 1% chance.
Maybe he is making preperations for John Edwards. You know darn well "Piledriver" will think ol' Johnny boy has a pretty mouf.
@Steve Burri- I'll be runnin' the joint by the time you get there. My prison nickname will be "Head Cheese."
@JustaJeepGuy- To tell the truth, I think this oddly timed declaration is just the first step in Obama's latest distract and divide cha-cha. First, call attention to how awful the problem of prison rape is (and yeah, it's very bad). Next, he'll point out how many people of color are in jail for teeny-tiny infractions like possessing marijuana or killing white folks when there was nothing good on TV, so he can ramp up more animosity between the races. Let's watch for another week or so and see.
@Angry Hoosier Dad- It may take an F5 twister to blow this administration's stink away, but I think the clouds are starting to gather.
@The Digital Hairshirt- There is nothing Obama won't do to get reelected...except what's right.
@Chuck- I won't lie, I worry about it. The Left is excellent at this technique, and it's driving me crazy that the national conversation keeps getting turned (deliberately) to issues of relatively little importance. Getting the general populace to focus on the real problems and real solutions is going to take ALL of us doing whatever we can to get the message out and keep pounding away at it without the MSM's help (and, in fact, in direct opposition to them).
@Bruce- Joe Biden just made an impassioned, spit-flinging speech about how people should dream big of becoming millionaires (ie, the 1%). So my big 1% dream is that I live long enough to see Obama in the hoosegow. Previously, my dream was to use the word "hoosegow" in a sentence, and look - that one has already come true!
@Colby- Edwards is going to make someone (or some cellblock) a wonderful little wife.
In terms of 'distractions', can we PLEASE quit pretending that FaceBook matters? I mean REALLY - I "like" it and all, but it's not like it's free energy, or anything...
Words fail me, with this administration, these days.
Sheesh! Obama and his cronies are the real affront to American values. And the only HOPE we have is to CHANGE the leadership in November!
Maybe he has an inside track about the many organizations across the country who are trying to get voting rights restored to felons and prisoners in general. Knowing "he cares" will then garner him more votes!Or maybe he will issue another E.O. to grant the rights back to them ...Hmmmm.
Stilton: prison indeed, and we need remind him that etiquette demands he write sincere thank-you notes after group events. Well, at least as sincere as his speeches.
@Pete(Detroit)- Personally, I find Facebook to be about 30% pleasing and 70% a pain in the butt... culturally I think it does more harm than good... and economically it's effect on the stock market is a silly bubble.
@Suzy- That was my feeling when I was prepping today's material. I YEARN to see real news and real issues discussed, and instead we get this?!
@Cookie- I winced when I heard Obama refer to "American values." Out of his mouth, it's a blasphemy.
@Doc - N. Nevada - I know that the prison voting bloc is considered important to the Dems, but there's only so many promises that can appeal to people in the slammer. I guess "less rape" will be popular with the rapees, but less so with the rapists. It may end up (no pun intended) as a wash (no shower room pun intended).
@Mike Porter- I like to think that there may come a time when instead of hearing "Hail to the Chief," Obama will hear "Bars & Stripes Forever."
And speaking of "group events" that Obama might host in prison, he'll probably wish he never heard the term "high-speed rail."
As someone discussed in a previous cartoon's commentary, B.O. does seem to have tendencies which would suggest Narcissistic Personality Disorder - in which he only really thinks of one person, himself, and most of his actions seem to be guided by "What's in it for me?"
Unlike some of the other issues that he had given substanceless speeches on, this one seems to be one that I hadn't been hearing much public outcry on. Which makes me wonder "What is in this for Barack Obama?"
The only thing I can come up with is that this is some subtle unconscious admission that he really belongs in prison and this is just another attempt to cover his own ass as per B.O.'s usual M.O.
hah... as I went back, I realized I hit the commentary too soon and saw you reached the same conclusion. :)
Ah, after re-reading today's cartoon - I realized you've already reached the same conclusion.
Guess I am more sleep deprived lately that I've cared to admit.
@Christopher Ross (x3) - Obama has Narcissistic Personality Disorder bigtime. No doubt.
And while I joke that this odd policy statement is about (literally) protecting his keester, I really think it's a throw away to encourage prisoners to vote for him in the upcoming election.
@Stilton and Christopher Ross --Somehow, I think that even those felons are too street-smart to vote for a candy-ass punk bitch like Obama. They may [or may not] be guilty of high crimes and misdemeanors, but they know an alpha male when they see one, and they know a fish. Obama is NOT an alpha male.
@Gang of One- Rather than rely on campaign promises or Obama's less-than-butch persona, I'm guessing that the Democrat machine has ways of "incentivizing" prisoners to fill out their absentee ballots with the proper candidate selected.
Stilton,
My, you are in an extremely punny mood today; I love it!
Reading some of the posts today made me laugh to myself, "This POS is NEVER going to prison." then I realized that Breck Girl Edwards is a day or so from a possible 30 year corn-holing, which I would never have believed either. If I was him, I'd be buying truckloads of cigarettes and KY Jelly right about now.
@Stilton -- Yeah, why not? The Dems have already perfected the vote-myself-funds-from-the-treasury tactic.
Sigh ...
"Mandatory screening"? I thought "profiling" was bad.
Just more noise intended to distract us from the real issues; Issues like the circus that is about to take place in Chicago for the NATO summit. It won't be Tea Party types who will be protesting, vandalizing, rioting, raping, etc. Or the corrections that keep coming regarding his auto-fibography.
Next time you're at your local bookstore, would you do them a favor and move his book to the "fiction" section, where they belong?
If prison votes were Øbama's goal, he'd send Bawnee Fwanks on an all-star tour through the national prisons. Could you imagine the morale booster THAT would be? The prisoners would have a willing victim, Bawnee would be happy - and, seeing him behind bars, so would most of us. Now THAT'S a campaign promise Øbama should make to garner prison votes.
No. Makes no sense: he'd just get their votes in the same manner the democrats have employed to garner the votes of the dead. I really cannot conceive of how this move is valuable to Øbama, unless he's sees something in his future that we'd really, really love to see. He's probably just responding to the cries of his political allies, cronies, and constituency...
Anyone with questions about Obama's narcissistic personality needs to read The Amateur by Edward Klein. It's a stunning disection of this President and his administration.
And do yourself a favor, READ THE BOOK, not the blurbs, reviews or TV news show talking points. People, we are not idiots (or 4th graders in Florida) we CAN read, draw our own conclusions and make credible decisions on our own. We don't need Big Gov or MSM telling us what to think.
@Colby- Sometimes, especially on Fridays, I think that ALL of us could use an extra dose of levity and I like to deliver when the topic is appropriate.
Regarding John Edwards, I won't mind seeing that jerk go away. And while I wouldn't wish jailhouse rape on anyone (well, nearly anyone), I'm pretty comfortable with whatever Karma has in store for him.
@Gang of One- What could be easier than finding some slush funds to buy new gyms, 3D TVs, and other goodies for prisons which show their "pro-social" tendencies by really getting out the vote?
@John the Econ- Of all the nuttiness attached to this story, I think the part that made me craziest is the idea that inmates will be screened to determine which ones are the most delectable, rather than which are the most creepy and dangerous. Seriously, what the hell sort of panel will that be? A group of cons who size up each newbie and cast a ballot saying "Yeah, I'd hit that?" Seriously, I don't understand - and the more I think about it, the less I want to think about it.
And yeah, I'm waiting to see the merriment in Chicago for the NATO summit too. Sounds like we already came too close to taking down a corporate jet with a secret drone flying in Chicago's airspace - unannounced and invisible to radar. Seriously, if you're going to surveil the area at least tell the FAA and the airports. (Assuming it was one of ours...)
@Emmentaler- As I surmised earlier, this might just be the first head fake leading to a larger campaign about how awful prisons are, and how many people of color are in them. They have to get the dots noticed by the public before they can start "connecting" them.
@graylady- The more I hear about "The Amateur" the more I want to lay my hands on it (and as you say, the whole book - not just Twitter-sized bites).
@Stilton, perhaps screening the "delectable" inmates is in preparation for this summer, when the usual suspects of leftist protesters will be re-populating our prisons, at least for a short time. I'm sure that will make the protesters far more confident as they knowingly break the law as part of their civil disobedience knowing that they'll be segregated together.
As for John Edwards, the man is the poster child for the sleazy southern lawyer, and a textbook sociopath. I'm absolutely certain he honestly believes his own "2 Americas" shtick, and that anything he did was for the "greater good". It's almost a shame that he didn't win the nomination. (You know behind closed doors, Democrats breathe a sigh-of-relief that didn't happen)
Duh Won working to get convicts the vote? I'm guessing that in Chicago, they already do vote. Like the dead, they ALL vote Demo_rat...
@Colby & @Stilton - Between the Politician and the Charlatan, the name John Edwards just seems to be ruined forever.
And my apologies for the 3rd post I did there. When I was making the addition with the second post, something happened to the page, and I didn't think it posted until I re-wrote it and then saw it posted as a third.
@graylady Interesting. I shall have to be sure to check that one out.
The story isn't exactly what I thought it was about:
"... was raped in a Texas prison by a guard in 2000 ..."
@John the Econ- Good call; perhaps Obama simply wants to make sure that this summer's crop of Occupiers don't end up with any part of their anatomy being occupied.
And all I can do is agree with your summation of John Edwards, presenting a well-scrubbed image entirely at odds with his darker, contemptible side. But I wish that I could believe that the Dems are now breathing a sigh of relief that he didn't with the nomination because they've learned he was a scumbag, rather than because he was simple found out. Marital fidelity and honesty don't really seem to be that important to the Left.
@JustaJeepGuy- That may be the choice that prisoners are given: "would you rather give us your signed absentee ballot, or your signed posthumous absentee ballot?"
@Christopher Ross- I'd have tried to tidy things up on this end, but I'm full of cold medicine and was afraid I'm make things worse!
@ZZMike- The story does have a lot of sobering facts in it, including the existence of sexual abuse of prisoners by staff (and I assume not all are same-sex situations). The article states that about 1-in-10 inmates reports having been the victim of sexual abuse by either prison staff or other inmates. And despite the occasionally light tone in today's commentary and comments, that's clearly unacceptable. The question is why the existing rules against sexual abuse have been so poorly enforced that additional measures are now deemed necessary...and are considered urgent enough to rise to the president's attention?
@Stilton, what gets me about Edwards is that he benefited from the same phenomenon that Obama (and Clinton) did; even though he was obviously a hypocritical scumbag to anyone who cared to pay attention, they all took their "see no evil" approach to Edwards until a tabloid finally exposed him for what he really was. Nobody had any right at act surprised.
It always nauseated me when he'd go on his "reforming health care" shtick; a guy bemoaning the unaffordability of heath care who made his entire fortune (tens-of-millions) by suing doctors, hospitals and insurance companies, mostly on spurious claims.
Then this parasitic umpteen-millionaire goes on about "2 Americas".
Was I the only one in America who found this hypocritical and repugnant? The media sure didn't.
@John the Econ- The John Edwards stories is one of the most transparent cases of liberal media bias one can imagine: the story was there to be told, and the MSM chose not to - and even helped Edwards bury it until it was broken wide open by The National Enquirer.
And Edwards should definitely be the poster boy for tort reform when it comes to healthcare. Without costing taxpayers a dime, medical costs (and physician retention) could be dramatically improved just by putting reins on the trial lawyers. Unfortunately, those trial lawyers are among the largest donors to the Democratic party.
@Stilton -- I will go you one better about transparent media bias, and I have no doubt whatsoever that you are probably zeroing in on this as I type ...
http://www.breitbart.com/Big-Journalism/2012/05/18/Media-Refuses-Coverage-Obama-Kenya-Lit-Agency
The scales fall slowly from the eyes, but fall they do.
Gag. The same media that lionized Edwards, who was transparently the poster child for parasitic hypocrisy, greed and conspicuous consumption, is going to continue to roast Romney for making his money legitimately.
Sick.
I winced when I heard Obama refer to "American values." Out of his mouth, it's a blasphemy. - Stilton
To me ANY words out of Obama's mouth is pretty much an oral bowel movement.
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