Monday, August 5, 2013

The Underground Railroaded

obama, obama jokes, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, conservative, tea party, terror, Al Qaeda, spectacular, war on terror, shelter

At the time of this writing on Sunday evening, Hope n' Change Cartoons still doesn't know if Al-Qaeda and its affiliates will make good on their threat to commit a spectacular terrorist attack (or series of attacks) today in honor of the birthday of the man who's done so much to help them thrive: Barack Hussein Obama.

It's pretty hard to write pithy topical political commentary when you keep checking the news to see if New York is gone, if Chicago's water system has been poisoned, if a nuke has been launched to (perhaps permanently) take out our nation's electrical grid, if cropdusters are spraying anthrax overhead, or the first lady has announced a surprise pregnancy.

And the reason that our consulates are closed, terror warnings have been issued, and Americans are biting their nails today is because they know that Barry was lying when he said that he had Al-Qaeda "on the run." And that when this president declared an end to the War on Terror, it didn't mean the war was over - only that he, personally, was no longer interested in fighting it.

Americans are in fear today because they're realizing that this administration has not worked to make us safer...but has instead used increasingly invasive intelligence-gathering methods to make the government safer from voters.

We'd say more, but the echoing of these computer keys inside this concrete shelter is maddening - and besides, it's our turn to get back on the bicycle-powered generator that keeps the one lonely lightbulb flickering near the American flag on our wall.

obama, obama jokes, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, conservative, tea party, terror, Al Qaeda, spectacular, war on terror, shelter, duck and cover
 The news media has officially gone from "dick uncovered" to "Duck and Cover."


21 comments:

Jim Hlavac said...

I get to be first - it was a goal ...

Anyway, it is rather bizarre that we are both winning and losing the war on terror. We are safer, and less safe. We are more sure than ever, and we know less than before. Are allies are with us when they are not against us. Our enemies are our allies for dollars. And the president is golfing and vacationing like there's no tomorrow, and yet he seems to want to stick around forever. Schrodinger would need several cats to explain this all.

Earl said...

Oh, they're on the run all right; toward us and our embassies, full speed ahead. Thanks Mr. Prez.

Colby said...

Congrats, Jim! Although, it appears you were up even BEFORE the butt crack of dawn.

I heard Al-Qaeda's plan is to subvert the checks and balances in our government, so a small group of radicals can run the country. ...no, wait, that already happened. Maybe they are going to lay waste to our energy production so we'll be forced to buy energy from them. Uh.... yeah, that's been done too. Oh, I know! Perhaps they'll kidnap the President and replace him with a clone that secretely is one of them and... ... oh yeah.... never mind.

TrickyRicky said...

It sure is a good thing that even though our president has no clue whatsoever about foreign relations or the war on terror, we have had the benefit of having one of the greatest Secretaries of State since the founding.

That is all.

Emmentaler Limburger said...

I'm wondering if this is simply a poorly thought-out diversionary tactic? Like exposing the IRS scandal to divert from the Benghazi scandal, for instance...

Deep in a WDC bunker...
Ø: "Quick! Tell them US guns are killing innocents in Mexico to divert them from our poor response to the gulf oil spill!"
Holder: "Done! Awe, crap! It exposed our anti-second amendment gun-running scheme!"
Ø: "Quick! Get Al Q'aida to attack our consulate in Benghazi to divert attention from our poor performance on the gulf oil spill and Fast & Furious!"
Hillary: "Done! Awe, crap! They took it too far and killed a lot of our people!"
Ø: "Quick! Blame it on some crummy anti-islamic Youtube video!"
Rice: "Done... Geez! Libyan officials are saying it had nothing to do with the video!"
Ø: "Quick! Tell the super double-top secret weather scientists to create a natural disaster so that we can look good by responding to it!"
Fugate: "Done! Crap! Our response, Christie's response, and Bloomberg's response all sucked! We'll never put New York and New Jersey back together again!"
Ø: "Quick! Tell them the IRS has been targeting conservatives to get them to stop talking about our poor performance on the gulf oil spill, Øbamacare, Fast & Furious, Benghazi, and Hurricane Sandy!"
Shulman: "Done... Oh, shit! The trail for that one leads right back to us!"
Ø: "Damn! Well, tell them Al Q'aida is on the move so that stop talking about the IRS scandal."
Ruppersberger: "Done... Erm, didn't you say that, by killing Bin Ladin, Al Qaeda was neutralized and on the run?"
Ø: "Damnit, Dutch! Can't you see I'm giving 'er all I've got?!"

Stay tuned for the next turn of this worm...

Note: The above is fictional. Any semblance to real people or events, though incredibly uncanny, is coincidental.

Rob said...

I was living in my own little bubble, ignoring any thought of terror. Then you had to raise the possibility of an Obama pregnancy. Thanks!! How do I sleep now?

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Jim Hlavac- Congratulations on being first! Choose any prize off the top shelf.

You're right that we are living in deeply oxymoronic times. With the emphasis on moronic.

@Earl- Every time I hear "on the run," that's exactly what I imagine: bad guys galloping straight at us, shrieking and carrying shoulder-mounted missiles.

@Colby- There is almost nothing that Al-Qaeda could do to reduce American influence more quickly than Barry is already doing. There's an excellent editorial in the WSJ today about it; Barry's deliberate scaling back of America as a superpower explains why all the bad actors are suddenly feeling so empowered: they know the sheriff has left town.

@TrickyRicky- Yes, we should definitely count our blessings. And what a miracle that after Hillary stepped down, we were able to get a replacement as great as Kerry! Prayers really do get answered - at least, that's what people are thinking in mosques across the Middle East.

@Emmentaler- That was depressingly brilliant!

@Rob- You think that's bad, imagine having to put up with the media cooing over baby "Trayvon Obama" for the rest of Barry's 2nd term. Frankly, I get night sweats and wake up screaming.

George in Houtx said...

Rob, we could try to pretend that Moochele snuck in a conjugal visit with the gorilla down at the zoo, but there are some things a gorilla just won't do .... I don't care how many bananas you give him.
if Jugears would just take a vacation, it might not be so bad. but , even on vacation, he seems to be plotting ways to bring this country down. I wouldn't LIKE it, but I could handle a Prez on permanent vacation. but, this guy is in constant 'destruction' mode!

Colby said...

@Emmantaler,
It's been 5 years of one crisis after another from the "Shiny Object" President and his crew of miscreants and spin doctors. Some of the distractions were from real and significant occurrences (Sandy), some were mountains made from mole hills (Zimmerman), and some were completely fabricated (sequester). Makes me wonder if this latest one is to be taken seriously. Do we crap, go blind, or yawn and go read a good book?

@Rob,
Boy, no kidding! I immediately thought of the movie, "Rosemary's Baby."

David in SoCal said...

@Rob: If Sasquatchelle Obama was to get pregnant again, the Turkey Baster would kill itself in shame.

PRY said...

A year ago, the "faster and more furious" operation, mideast edition, was in full swing...the O was attempting to arm some al-queda thugs to take down Assad in Syria, Assad got wind of it, and we got the Benghazi massacre. The distractions, one after the other, have the express purpose of keeping the facts from the American people, not that it would make any difference to Hollywood, or folks talking right now on their 'free obama phone'.

Obama definitely is our focal point in all the disasters, global and here at home, but he certainly is just the ONE with the power, arranged by factions with even MORE power! And, any congress-persons lining up with his policies are simply highly-paid sheeple, in my opinion.

Personally, I feel that all these embassy closings and warnings of terror activity could be just more distraction; anything to change the focus from the white house to a more imminent threat. With open borders such as ours, any ol mideast crackpot desiring to please Allah can waltz right in any old time and lay waste to a bit of America. What's to stop him?

I think I just scared myself.

It's No Gouda said...

We can always hope Barry's plans to "transform" America are as successful as his efforts to"destroy" AlQueda.

Pete(Detroit) said...

Dave in SoCal -
Sometimes I just want a 'like' button, one I can click about a dozen (or a hundred) times...
Then again, I really *do* like reading the 'feedback' comments...

Cookie said...

I realize this is a little late, but just had to post that I celebrated the prez's birthday by having a colonoscopy. I don't know...it just seemed appropriate. I have to wonder if there would ever be any way at all to cleanse all the crap out of that man. Just sayin...

Stan da Man said...

Cookie, you *did* know that his natural eye color is blue, yes?

Cookie said...

Stan--Love it! My brown-eyed uncle used to always tell me I was a quart low because I have blue eyes! So I have no doubt that the prez has naturally blue eyes, too! It's doubtful that lovely blue color will ever return.
I so agree with what Pete(Detroit) said about wishing we had "like" buttons on here. The comments are always enlightening and entertaining!

Bruce said...

Stilton,
No, you've got it wrong again... the media messed up and misreported the event... lamont didn't destroy al qaeda, it was Quick Draw McGraw in the character of El Kaboom that he vanquished. Man, you've GOT to start paying attention, or you might be accused of being antagonistic toward our Emperor, I mean King, I mean savior, I mean the "turthless word" who lives in MY WHITE HOUSE!!!!!!

Jeff H said...

I'll bet it's a CFL bulb...

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Jeff H- Actually, it's incandescent. Like my rage.

Ted Brist said...

Friday: OBAMA LEFT THOSE PEOPLE TO DIE IN BENGHAZI!!! HE'S THE WORST EVER!

Monday: OBAMA CLOSED DOWN EMBASSIES TO STOP ANY POTENTIAL ATTACKS!! HE'S THE WORST EVER!

Now, do you see where a sane person could look at those two positions, and think you're an idiot?

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Ted Brist- As a matter of fact, you insufferable fuckhead, I can't see that.

In the first case you cite, Obama ignored the historical/politcal significance of 9/11, and then left our people to die after they'd begged for help.

In the second case, he closed our embassies to protect them from an enemy he claimed he'd already vanquished.

Which is why I can't look at you as anything but an idiot. Now go away, you wretched dimwit.