Friday, August 22, 2014

Cold Comfort


Hope n' Change is taking a more relaxed approach than usual today because the news currently stinks on ice. 

There's racial discord being whipped up by Eric "the stinking white police have hassled me too" Holder, the absolutely horrendous beheading of an American journalist by ISIS, and the one constant in American politics: King Barry high-fiving his pals on the golf course.

And of course, there are a couple of dozen ongoing scandals which nobody (at least in the media) seems to be interested in anymore.

Which is why Hope n' Change prefers to take positive kinetic action today on something that can actually make a difference in this world! Specifically, we're going to share with you the top secret recipe for the Hope n' Change Summer Cooler which is only served at the annual Hope n' Change company picnic and on any days in which Barack Obama has appeared in the news.

Seriously, these adult popsicles are delicious, filled with vitamins and (bonus!) are quite possibly flammable. We didn't even think we liked frozen berries until we tried these things!

By the way, they'll come out frozen pretty solid and you may want to microwave for a few seconds so you can start chiseling a spoon in. On the other hand, if you've dumped enough vodka in there, the mixture may never freeze. Which is also okay, assuming that you have a loved one hide your car keys.

49 comments:

Geoff King said...

Excellent idea. We can probably all use a day to ignore the "where am I going, and why am I in this handbasket?" world.
In keeping with that, here's a happy ending story:
http://omnifeed.com/article/www.mediaite.com/online/life-size-obama-statue-stolen-found-with-a-six-pack-and-some-smokes/

Geoff King said...

P.S. I found many of the comments on that article quite hilarious as well.

Frankie said...

Thanks Stilt, that's the perfect remedy for the the carnival ride
we wish we could get off.

Scandal-Go-Round

*The captcha is making me feel loaded already....

bocopro said...

Back in the 50s, we injected vodka into California oranges (because they had thicker skins and weren't as juicy as Florida oranges). Then you simply chill 'em in the reefer and peel 'em and eat 'em at leisure, such as at a baseball game or drive-in movie.

You could get a pretty good buzz from just one if you did it right; two, and you started acting silly. Some guys snuk 'em into football practice, but Coach found out and damned near killed 'em runnin laps.

Grapefruit just didn't seem to work as well. You could screw up a whole lotta people with a nice ripe pineapple, tho.

Wahoo said...

I'll try that recipe, but I've found that Popov vodka is best enjoyed straight out of a brown bag.

Judi King said...

Thanks! I don't drink much, but this sounds delicious. And, Geoff, I found that pic. Really funny but who would own such a thing?

CenTexTim said...

Sounds like a nice change from the usual 'coffee'...

Geoff King said...

As Øbama enters the last half of his 2nd term, I imagine he is thinking about his legacy and wishing it will be something other than the failed Affordable Care Act or the multitude of scandals that will always mark his presidency. A town in New Jersey did change a building's name from the JFK Center to the Barack H. Obama Center, but that enraged enough citizens that it will most likely be changed back.
Well, there are certain things already named after him that no one is complaining about. Most noteworthy among them are a new species of fungus and a parasite:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/in-the-loop/wp/2014/04/26/a-parasite-named-obama/
He has been aptly immortalized.

graylady said...

Like Judy, I don't drink much, but I guess the fruit makes it look healthy and prettily colored (not a racial remark). And at least it's frozen, a requirement in HOT weather in the South.

And Geoff, loved the article about the stolen Obama statue. Now, if someone would only steal the original......

Judi King said...

@graylady: If only!

Kitty said...

Bless you, Stilton, for making the insanity just a little more manageable.
A little O/T: Isaac Asimov and John Ciardi constructed a wonderful "Cold Comfort" Limerick. Always good for a sly smile.

WMD said...

Not sure I understand the painting. Is the woman depressed and the bear a metaphor for the burden she feels? Or is it a trained bear and they live and sleep together? Or have they been hybernating?

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Readers- Glad that people are taking today's retreat from the news in the spirit intended. Or maybe that's with the spirits intended.

For those who don't usually imbibe, don't go over that 1/2 cup of vodka. Seriously (and perhaps dangerously) you won't even taste the vodka - you'll just be aware that the world seems a little easier to take after your icy treat.

And "icy" is a key word - here in Texas, it's essential to find ways to cool off this time of year.

@WMD- I'm not sure of the exact meaning of the "lady and the bear" picture, I just know I like it. To me it represents the melancholy of having big things that are weighing you down, but simultaneously also shows the comfort in a simple "there, there" pat on the back.

Plus, of course, it's got a bear in it. And everybody loves bears.

Jim Hlavac said...

Ooh, rainbow colored fruits and vodka! Now that is so cool. I shall have to pour this into an ice bucket, for a cure of some kind.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Jim Hlavac- In complete fairness, it was the erstwhile Mrs. Jarlsberg who found and fine-tuned the recipe. I originally cocked an eyebrow at the idea of eating frozen berries, but it was subsequently love at first bite.

Plus, the whole thing looks way more respectable than doing jello shots.

It's No Gouda said...

bocopro: The "injected oranges" idea was still operative in the early '60s when I was in school. The band drector never did quite figure out why the percusssion section needed a 10# bag of oranges for a one day bus trip. It was definitly "high" times in the back of the bus. It didn't hurt that back in those "innocent" times a kid could buy syringes at the drug store with no questions asked or eybrows raised.

It's No Gouda said...

Stilton: re the picure of the girl with the bear, it occured to me that it might be a metphor for depression sorta like Winston Churchill's "black dog". Heaven knows the poor child has enough to be depressed about including the fact that she's apparently too young to take advantage of your "cool" recipe.

TrickyRicky said...

In high school we worked wonders with a bottle of Everclear, a nice watermelon, and a large gauge hypodermic.

REM1875 said...

O.K. Doc thanks for tossing us the car keys, well try not to disappoint you.
"Hotter than hell week" going on a few hemlocks over (wichita falls). Once again I have prepped for weeks for this great cycling event and have through much suffering and sweat achieved my goal of making sure I can stay inside all weekend and avoid these sun struck crazies. A/C don't fail me now.

SC said...

I just bought a bag of frozen mixed fruit to make smoothies. Forget that! I am using it to make HnC Summer Coolers - they sound delightful. Just have to make sure the grandkids don't get ahold of them. Have a great weekend.

PRY said...

@Geoff King...yes, the O is definitely thinking about his 'legacy', and, as you point out, the cupboards are totally bare on any good stuff to show! Fear not...if he needs something to found his precious legacy on, he can always do what progressive commies always do...LIE ABOUT IT!

And, we can all rest assured the Obama Memorial Library will be built on the 18th green at some prestigious golf course! Where else would it be?!!!!

REM1875 said...

The purloined statue of prezzy Ø cost that lady $1200 ebt bucks. No wonder it sent her to the e.r. (on our dime no doubt)
Wahoo~
how gouache. Popov is best served in a tumbler or coffee mug on the desk while no one is looking.
Save 'paper bagging' it for formal social occasions such as hanging with the homies on a street corner or front porch.

Anonymous said...

For Grumpy

David in SoCal said...

Stilty: Great post today, gracias for the recipe for recess....Cheers to all!

Anonymous: Thanks for that link, well put by the author.
In all my 6+ decades here in SoCal, just once before I become scattered ashes, I’d like to see ONE President with big balls; look into that camera at a presser about a beheaded American and say: “You POS terrorist; you are done. America will hunt you down, and we WILL kill you. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow……We will find you. We will tie your hands behind your back, slaughter a pig and drench you in it’s blood. We will cut off your teeny terrorist tallywhacker, so the 72 virgins you anticipate, will point and laugh in your general direction. We will then, ever so slowly, remove your worthless empty head from your body, then bury you with the carcass of that pig, and many dirty shoes. May Allah reject you".

PRY said...

@David in SoCal
Sounds good to me!

Geoff King said...

I have always wondered about the "72 virgins" thing. Considering Muslim men outnumber Muslim women yet have up to 4 wives as young as age 15, plus they can choose new wives and get rid of old wives whenever they want to, just where are all those virgins supposed to come from?

David in SoCal said...

Geoff: I believe most of the virgins will be outsourced from the Democrat Party, as no self-respecting man would EVER tap a miserable/hating/screeching/squalling rapacious swamp sow; the likes of a Liberal 'woman'.

Geoff King said...

According to Robin Williams it is only 71, and the word virgin is open to interpretation:
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lhmwcmOPemk

graylady said...

@ David
Besides, I doubt there are any virgins in the Democratic party.

Wahoo said...

Looks like a patch of fairy dust--the same stuff Nancy Pelousi huffs--in the bottom right corner of that pic.

David in SoCal said...

@graylady:
I would also add that there aren't many virgins in the general populace, as a result of what the Democrats do to us on a regular basis.....Just sayin'........

Anonymous said...

A "virgin" is a state of mind.

Jim Hlavac said...

@Geoff King -- Muslim men don't outnumber Muslim women -- it's the same ration at birth as everywhere else -- 106 boys for every 100 girls at birth -- by 21 it's 95 boys for every 90 girls -- and once one gets past 50 the women start getting the edge -- and by 70 it's 100 women for 50 men, and then it just leans heavier and heavier to women.

Except in China, India and a few other Asian places, where through gender selection boys are beginning to outnumber girls at birth by 150-100 -- and 180-100 in some parts of China -- it's a major problem.

But human demographics are very similar across the globe.

We just don't see Muslim women -- they're not allowed out of the house or, they're walking tents.

Geoff King said...

Not according to this Wikipedia article. The entire ME has more men than women:
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_sex_ratio

Geoff King said...

Of course, they do say their source of info is the CIA World Factbook, and we all know how truthful they are.

Anonymous said...

That pic of that white woman and a black (bear) is racist.

Richard Ely II said...

Ah yes, the fruity Rosmary Lemburgh. Favorite drink of the DNC.

Anonymous said...

Is that the lady in the pic? Oh my ...

Wahoo said...

I think that pic is the scene from "Goldilocks and the Three Beers" where Papa Bear slaps a hairy paw onto Goldilock's shoulder and says, "Time to 'pay for your porridge.'"

REM1875 said...

Many of us lost that 'virgin state of mind' when we got our first paycheck and realized that 40hrs at a dollar an hour didn't equal 40 bucks. (I admit I am old and cheap and got paid even less in the military) Do your own math but the point is I got a serious wake up call about the check I had already spent in my mind. That virgin state of mind kinda got popped right then and there. Course some of today 'utes' ain't never seen a paycheck and are not like to.

Wahoo said...

Got all the ingredients for H&C summer coolers today and plan to make a batch of those tomorrow, but tonight Wahoo's drink of choice is gin & tonic (recipe: jigger of Bombay Dry Gin + tonic water + twist of lime + ice...repeat). I may die of cirhossis, but at least I won't die of scurvy.

Grumpy Curmudgeon said...

Since it seems that Obama can't make a decision, I vote we hire about a Battalion of Gurka's and a Battalion of ROK Marines and let 'em loose. Figure it'll take a couple of days - problem solved.

Anonymous said...

Hey, Grumpy, didya see the link I posted for you above?

Grumpy Curmudgeon said...

@Anonymous: I did see it, and the only thing I'll add is from my 2nd most favorite General, Mad Dog Mathis
"no war is over until the enemy says it's over. We may think it over, we may declare it over, but in fact, the enemy gets a vote", and "It’s God's job to judge the terrorists. It’s our job to arrange the meeting."
Meds are wearing off....

Anonymous said...

You're good, Grumpy. Watch the meds.

Anonymous said...

"7 Days in May" coming up this Wed on TCM - must see TV. Think it can't happen here? The One is here to save us, people!

Grumpy Curmudgeon said...

At the very least, the Foley's ought to sue his a** for wrongful death - we'll talk about treason later...

Obama Delayed Foley Rescue Attempt For Over A Month Fretting Over Image And Golfing

Same story I've heard from other sources including SOF's. Note that when he did 'decide', had it been successful, it would have been the perfect 'July 4th Story'. As said in an earlier post, Mr. Gutsy hemmed and hawed for well over a month after OBL had been located, waiting for poll results to show him in a favorable light before finally being "forced into making the decision".

Anonymous said...

Tee time for Sociopath! The man is scum.

Geoff King said...

Just to add some confusion:
http://m.liveleak.com/view?i=0a5_1408666439
I do have to say, after watching the unedited beheading video, the lack of blood while Foley's neck is supposedly being sawed seems quite strange.