Monday, December 8, 2014
JOKE #2 - HE'S ALREADY GIVEN UP LOOSIES
Firmly believing that laughter is the best medicine, the cartoons above represent our "get well" wishes for Barack Obama, who - just like every other working stiff in America - got an all-expenses paid, multi-thousand-dollar CT scan this weekend to help diagnose his sore throat. "Painkillers instead of pacemakers," may be Obama's answer to high healthcare bills for the rabble, but apparently "cough drops instead of CAT scans" never occurred to him.
The president's throat doctors, whom we suspect formerly worked on Joan Rivers, diagnosed the problem as "gastric reflux" - a condition in which stomach acid forces its way up the esophagus owing to a weak sphincter in the throat. You read that right: Barack Obama has a freaking sphincter in his throat. Which we believe was also the major plot point in the film which made Linda Lovelace a star.
Although it hasn't been mentioned in any of the official press releases, many are speculating that the actual cause of Mr. Obama's throat problems is his incessant cigarette smoking. Okay, many are actually speculating that he too frequently enjoys a vigorous throat boning, but Hope n' Change has far too much dignity to print such an accusation.
Anyway, if smoking is to blame then it's also possible that there's something more serious going on than simple gastric reflux - which would help explain the unusual step of subjecting the president to a CAT scan instead of simply tossing him a roll of TUMS.
In any event, Hope n' Change would like to offer the president some advice to help with his sore throat. Drink plenty of fluids, rest, and try not to talk. For at least another two years.
EXTRA: BATHROOM BULLETIN
We won't be posting on Monday and Tuesday (and there probably won't be a new cartoon Wednesday) owing to highly kinetic plumbing repair being done at the Hope n' Change office complex.
Men with jackhammers will be whacka-whacka-whacking holes through our concrete foundation in two bathroom floors in order to repair underground pipes. This means our computers and hard drives will need to be disconnected and moved as far as possible from the construction sites so they don't get shaken to death. It also means we'll be in full compliance when the Keystone pipeline eventually runs under our office.