Monday, April 6, 2015

He Dyed For You

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, easter, egg, 2015, Let's Move, Gimme Five, exercise
Yes, that's the actual "crucified Easter Bunny" artwork that your taxes paid for.
Easter is a day when people stop to reflect on the importance of faith, morality, and responsibility in their lives and ask: "What would Jesus do?"

And the answer, according to the White House, is push-ups. Jesus would do lots and lots of push-ups. Or at least this seems to be the thinking at the 2015 White House Easter Egg Roll being held today (Sunday was reserved, of course, for golfing) which has once again been turned into a fitness event.

Picking one of the lesser known passages from the Bible, the event's theme is "Gimme Five," and will feature healthy eating tips, cooking demos, and activities which will "encourage children to lead healthy, active lives in support of the First Lady's Let's Move intiative."

To make sure the 35,000 attendees don't forget the true meaning of the day, the official (and safely inedible) White House Easter Eggs each carry a portrait of the Easter Bunny wearing running shorts and a sweat band...which is a lot like a crown of thorns, only washable.

On the flip side of the eggs, a few words are inscribed to give comfort, strength, and a renewed sense of faith in these troubled times. The words are: "Barack Obama" and "Michelle Obama." And in the spirit of eternal sellvation, you can buy the official set of five eggs for $29.99. Which means you'll get a penny back from your 30 pieces of silver.

Predictably, some people are annoyed that the White House has taken one of the most sacred days on the Christian calendar and turned it into an entirely secular jazzercise class. But out of journalistic integrity, Hope n' Change won't pass judgement on the Obamas quite yet.

First, we want to see if they ask any of the guests at this year's White House Ramadan celebration to do squat thrusts.

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, easter, egg, 2015, Let's Move, Gimme Five, exercise, pope
Maybe this is what the Obamas think the Pope is actually saying in Latin...

28 comments:

REM1875 said...

A happy St. Dingus day to y'all.
We dont have pussy willows to whip young maidens with round here, to make em fertile, so I suggested mesquite switches.
Looks like I will be spending this traditional Polish holiday by my self.

REM1875 said...

35,000 kids and no candy in the eggs?
Looks like revolution might be starting tomorrow.

TrickyRicky said...

If they pulled this kind of crap for Ramadan, the adherents of the "religion of peace" would have a whole lotta beheading to do.

Judi King said...

Yet another trivialization of the most sacred Christian day on the calendar, which they couldn't even bother to celebrate on the actual day. As for the souvenir eggs, they're made of wood (no candy there) and one is signed by the first dog. More outrageous insanity by this administration. If only your April Fool's jokes were real!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@REM1875- I'm glad that the eggs have no candy inside. It teaches kids at an early age how politicians' promises work.

And let me wish you (and all) a happy Dingus Day. It's a wonderful holiday, at least in part because if you describe it to people who've never heard of it, they will always think you're joking.

Also, I don't mesquite switches can be substituted for pussy willows. It would just rile up the fillies and make them harder to catch.

@TrickyRicky- I'm imagining the White House Ramadan Head Roll even now...

@Judi King- My feeling is that the White House should either observe Easter with respect (even at an Easter Egg Roll) or ignore it altogether. Turning it into a gym class to push "hashtag GimmeFive" for the glory of Michelle Obama is appalling.

Anonymous said...

Looks like a picture of POTUS with jackass ears.

Geoff King said...

While Mikey Øbama forces her disgusting lunch menus on public school children, her own daughters eat lavish chef - designed meals in their private school. Hypocrisy anyone?
Also, I wonder what their justification is for doubling the price of the commemorative wooden eggs over last year's set?

Japheaux said...

I would prefer they just change his name to the Ether Bunny and he hold the cloth of knock-out gas across America's face so we won't feel it when they 'stick it to us' with the bill for this.

Bruce Bleu said...

Ol' "bathhouse barry" would LIKE to celebrate his FAVORITE holiday, "Ram-A-Don", (and THEN behead Don, or MooHAMmed, or Abdul, or Hassan, as long as they belong to a rival tribe)! lamont is SUCH a piece of "bovine scat" that if he donated his body to science, he would be used as fertilizer!

Loxmyth said...

"you can buy the official set of five eggs for $29.99. Which means you'll get a penny back from your 30 pieces of silver."

Silly Hope n'Change. You forgot to include sales tax, which even if not paid at the time of purchase will be collected by your local politicians at tax time next year.

CenTexTim said...

REM1875 and Stilton - As a second generation Polish American, let me say Everybody’s Polish on Dyngus Day! (I prefer the traditional spelling.)

And as a Texan, I like the idea of mesquite switches. It's better than using agarita (not to be confused with margarita).

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Anonymous- Every picture of the POTUS has jackass ears...

@Geoff King- The Obama daughters have gourmet meals at their private school, and those candy-hating Obama adults have a pastry chef on staff. Must be nice.

Regarding the rising price of wooden eggs, I assume that it's because the minimum wage was raised so that the wooden chickens that lay them can finally support their families.

@Japheaux- It does seem like a waste of public money to turn this into an event about the Obamas.

@Bruce Bleu- See, this is what happens when you eat too much Easter candy. You get all grumpy later. (grin)

@Loxmyth- Quite true! In my defense, there's nothing like including the price of sales tax, shipping, and handling to gum up a punchline.

@CenTexTim- Shame on me for not using the traditional spelling of Dyngus Day. I hope this doesn't make my Pole numbers go down.

REM1875 said...

The sounds of a wooden egg be bounced off an empty, thick skull?

CenTexTim said...

Stilt - Pole numbers ... groan...

FlyBoy said...

So Moochelle is pushing her "let's move" fitness campaign...Funny, since it practically takes a Cat D-9 bulldozer & a team of SeaBees to get her phat ass moving.

John the Econ said...

That the President has no particular affinity for Easter is no surprise. I know the popular meme around here is that it's because he's a closet Muslim, but I think the reality is because he's a Marxist; and Marxists have no room for religion of any kind. That he entertains Islam is not because it's a religion, but because it's a useful and growing political ideology that like Communism, is totalitarian and does not tolerate dissent in any form. It's also one that's currently winning over western civilization.

To be fair, what the Progressives are doing to our former religious holidays are little different than what the Christians did to assimilate the pagans; integrating former traditions into a new form with new meaning. Marxism is a rather empty form, but so are its adherents.

John the Econ said...

In other news:

Many times you've heard me go on about the evils and ravages of artificially low interest rates. When the Federal Reserve adopted this police during the Bush era, I called it "QE Forever", because once rates were set ridiculously low, there'd be no where else to go, and whenever there was the slightest consensus as to when it would be a good time to raise them back up to reasonable levels, there'd always be a reason (or excuse) not to, as there is again today. So the stock market bubble is safe again, for the moment, and the ongoing wealth transfer from savers to consumers, Wall Street, and government will continue unabated.

Months after it became more than obvious that the story was wholly imaginary, Rolling Stone magazine retracts its story about a rape at the University of Virginia. Last month, an investigation by police in Charlottesville, Virginia concluded that they found "no evidence" that the allegations were true.

But that wasn't enough for the liberal hipsters at Rolling Stone. They then waited for the rebuke by the liberals at the Columbia Graduate School of Journalism before giving up on the cause. They found that there was practically no effort whatsoever to collaborate any element of the story.

It's easy to see how this happens; A story fit the narrative not just favored, but assumed by the author, editors and publisher of Rolling Stone; A helpless woman raped by partying entitled misogynists at a fraternity of an elite university. No fact checking necessary.

The author of the piece, although supposedly apologizing continues to defend what she did: "I allowed my concern for Jackie’s well-being, my fear of re-traumatizing her, and my confidence in her credibility to take the place of more questioning and more facts. These are mistakes I will not make again," she wrote in the statement."

I hope she doesn't get the chance to make them again, as anyone who hires her will be trashing their credibility. But then again, I see that Lena Dunham is still gainfully employed. So there's hope.

And of course, there will still be radical feminists who will continue to defend this kind of journalism malpractice, under the meme that "it could have happened". (And Obama could be a Muslim too)

The hipsters at Rolling Stone should go back at what they were good at, album reviews. Not that I think they'll be at that for very much longer. I'm not big on lawsuits with outsized "punitive damages", but I hope the people maligned by this story end up owning Rolling Stone and bury it with the rest of the brainless liberal hippie culture that's become woefully outdated.

John the Econ said...

Oh, I almost forgot this carry-over from last week's cartoon.

Outline of Iran Nuclear Deal Sounds Different From Each Side

"WASHINGTON — Negotiators at the nuclear talks in Switzerland emerged from marathon talks on Thursday with a surprisingly detailed outline of the agreement they now must work to finalize by the end of June.

But one problem is that there are two versions."


Really?

"Obama administration officials insist that there is no dispute on what was agreed behind closed doors. But to avoid time-consuming deliberations on what would be said publicly, the two sides decided during Wednesday’s all-night discussions that each would issue its own statement."

So we're in agreement. To what, neither side can say, especially if they're standing in the same room.

PRY said...

Ah, an Easter fitness celebration the day after...in the true spirit of 'leading from behind' no doubt!

I loved the dripping sarcasm of the text today, knowing you are not a 'religious' kinda guy as you have said, nevertheless...at least YOU GET IT!

You're a great American, Stilt! And may God richly bless you and yours!

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@REM1875- Suddenly I want a collectible set of wooden eggs to go with my slingshot...

@CenTexTim- We'll be here all week. Tip your waitress!

@FlyBoy- I've got nothing against pushing physical fitness, but howzabout doing it any time OTHER than the most sacred of Christian holidays?

@John the Econ- Great observations. Some quick reactions...

I don't think Barry is a Muslim or religious at all (like you, I think he uses religion as a political tool). I do believe he is sentimentally in favor of Islam, and anti-Christian.

Regarding "QE Forever," there was a pretty good piece on Forbes today talking about how when this stock market bubble goes, it won't just "burst" - it'll explode. It drives me crazy how many Lefties point at the stock market as "proof" that the economy is roaring. Idiots.

On Rolling Stone, I think it's been proved that they were the rapists, and the fraternity was the victim. But like so much "news" these days, it doesn't matter if a story is true as long as it supports the political narrative.

Finally, the whole Iran thing is a clusterf*ck. I was annoyed to see a newspaper headline today (while walking Penny, the official dog of Hope n' Change) declaring: "US Reaches Historic Deal With Iran."

Well, no - we haven't reached a deal, historic or otherwise. There may or may not be a framework, but as you point out the two sides aren't agreeing on it.

@PRY- I'm not religious in the least, but I respect the good that (some) religions do, and the importance of religion in peoples' lives and in our Constitution. That's why I hate to see this White House demean Christians while extolling the virtues of Muslims. (And that's not a burn on all Muslims - I'm just sick of hearing Obama tell us that they helped us land a man on the moon by inventing the concept of "zero" centuries ago).

And seriously, can you imagine the White House turning any other religion's holiest day into a track meet?!

Geoff King said...

Way back in Grade School, my Lutheran Catechism Instructor voiced the opinion that the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus were works of the Devil because they detracted from the true meaning of the holidays. Also, they harm parental credibility once the children realize that they have been lied to about those entities.
Somehow it seems natural that the Øbamas should glorify such fictional and possibly demonic characters.

Stilton Jarlsberg said...

@Geoff King- My adult daughter tells me that we lost some credibility in her eyes when she found out that Santa and the Easter Bunny were well-intended myths. If I had it to do over again, I'd have always said they were "just for fun."

@Readers- I was just reading some reports of the White House festivities, and of course there was no mention of anything even vaguely related to Easter, Jesus, or Christianity.

Barry read "Where the Wild Things Are" for young attendees (since there are no good stories for kids in the Bible) and played tennis and basketball. Michelle did a dance routine with some singing group. And my favorite: "A Malayan flying fox named Kamilah was also brought in to teach the children about bats and their ecosystems."

(Banging head on desk)

Bruce Bleu said...

Jeff King,
When I was 7 years old I determined that santa claus was not real, because a sleigh was not aerodynamic, (I started reading Isaac Asimov novels then), and the logistics of "him" traveling to all children all over the world, (I thought that EVERYONE celebrated Christmas), was unrealistic, considering the number of packages to be carried in a finite space, the size of a chimney flue, reindeer with no wings, et alia. When I told a schoolmate of my incredulity regarding santa he said, "my daddy told me Santa was real, and my daddy wouldn't lie!", and the impact on me was amazing... at that young age I told myself I would NEVER lie to my kids.
Stilton,
Take a closer look at that book lamont was reading... I think you'll notice it was "Where The Wookiee Things Are". Gotta be careful not to "dis" magilla, after all, it... SHE was "The One's" choice as m... BLECCCHHHH... mate, RRRRRRALPHHHHH!

John the Econ said...

@Stilton, I continually shake my head in disbelief when I hear Obama shills and populist Progressives rave about the stock market bubble as a singular sign of "success" for Obamanomics. In reality, cheap money and the equity bubble it has created has been a gift almost exclusively for the 1%-ers at the expense of the asset-less. How is it possible that within a single paragraph, a Progressive can praise the stock market bubble and then decry "income inequality" and the growing divide between "rich" and "poor"?

I largely blame public education and willful ignorance, for one thing. Relatively few people (many economists included, I am sorry to say) understand the relationship between "money" and "things", or what money really is. That is why the Federal Reserve and the establishment (both Democrat and GOP) can get away with these games.

As I said above, the Fed is going to go along with the near-free money thing until they think they actually see inflation (outside of the equity bubble), but then it will be too late. What will happen then will be anyone's guess, but I have little doubt that the people who think Obama has their back will get it the worst. For the last 7 years, the big players have been doing a kabuki dance hoping not to be the ones holding the bag when it eventually pops.

Full Disclosure: The Econ family did very well during the early Obama era, because before the election we were buying when everyone else was convinced the world was ending, and we correctly guessed that cheap money would continue to be the answer. I'd much rather be investing in a forward-looking and growing America, but this is the environment the Progressives have created. Ironic, really; they bemoan people who get rich by speculation instead of work, and then create an environment where that's pretty much all that can happen.

Rolling Stone: They're the ones that are about to get raped by an environment they cheered on. Perverse justice.

Iran: The more the administration tries to sell this non-deal, the worse they're looking. At least Neville Chamberlain actually got something in writing that everyone supposedly agreed to, even though Hitler had absolutely no intent to abide by it. We didn't even get that. All we're really seeing here is another replay of a sad historical lesson. Obama does a victory lap while our enemies look at us as saps.

Freddie Sykes said...

What tge Pope is actually asking: "Quousque tandem abutere, Obama, patientia nostra?"

Geoff King said...

Back on the whole Easter Bunny/Santa Claus topic, I never perpetuated their myth with my daughters. However, not wanting them to go to school and dash their classmate's hopes and dreams by saying "my daddy says that there is no Santa Claus", I opted instead to take the coward's way out by simply never bringing them up. When my oldest questioned me on the existence of the Jolly Old Elf, I simply asked her " what do you think?". Her answer was something on the lines of: I don't think he is real, but I wish he was. Quite a profound statement coming from a 5 year old, IMHO.

John the Econ said...

As a Christian, I'll differ from many of my brothers & sisters in Christ on this, but quite frankly I'm just fine with the Obama's and their fellow Progressive haters omitting any attempt at educating kids on Christianity. For two reasons:

First, I'd much prefer that religious education be done by those who actually believe in it. Evangelism by non-believers is usually at best ineffective, and at worst hostile agitprop.

Second, we've all see the kind of "Christianity" that Obama previously professed to believe in, which I don't think was Christianity at all.

That Obama doesn't evangelize is just file with me. It's his open hostility to (non-Muslim) religion and people of faith that is the problem.

As for Santa Claus & the Easter Bunny, I don't think I or anyone I know suffered any permanent psychological harm.

As for the secularization (and commercialization) of Christmas and Easter, I don't have a problem with that either. If someone celebrates Christmas or Easter without any religious component, it takes absolutely nothing away from me. I'm not offended at all.

Quite frankly, secularization of these and other aspects of Christianity have served Christians and non-Christians quite well, whether they realize it or not. In fact, if these holidays had not been secularized, Christianity would be even more marginalized than it already is in our society. Christmas would have disappeared as a Federal holiday years ago to be replaced with some PC pap substitute. Not even Obama would dare try to kill Santa Claus.

Judi King said...

Without Jesus there would be no Christmas or Easter. There would be no major shopping days or candy sales or days off. There would be no Santa Claus or Easter bunny. If people can't understand the reason, then it should be abolished and everyone live their lives as they do the rest of the year. As for Santa, I personally believed in him and was devastated when I learned he wasn't real, but the fact is, he is based on a real person. Saint Nicholas gave help to the poor and Santa is based on him. Also, when I lost my belief in him, my wonderful father knew I was upset and told me that there IS a Santa. He is the spirit of Christmas love and giving.